Stalker-ish.

Okay, I thought I should put this out here.
I haven't heard from N since I gave him the letter I wrote him.
Either you're in or out, sort of thing.

It's a given he's mostly likely out. Rockin'.

Um. But I talked to a guy at work yesterday and he said to me, "I saw N yesterday." I honestly gave him 20 questions. I sounded so desperate, "Where'd you see him?" "What'd you say?" "What'd you talk about?" Oh yeah. I couldn't shut up. I was a freak.

All he said was he saw him at Wal*Mart and he asked him how he was.
N said he had a lot of stuff going on right now but things are okay?
Then he had to go back to work.

I told my friend that he should've asked him how his baby was doing.
Baha. But that's because I'm a jerk and wished he wasn't heartless.

I don't know if he's "thinking" about the stuff but it's been um, a week and a few days since the letter. Maybe he's trying to think of a response or he's trying to NOT think about it. I'm guessing the second one. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be attached but he can't help but think about me and his baby. Oh yeah, I'm just that incredible I left that good of an impression on him. PFFT. As I would like to think.

I don't want to be like, "I made a discovery, boys are dumb." Because that discovery has been made since the beginning of time. I have not discovered anything.
It was funny though, in group, I may have mentioned it before but I'm too lazy to go back and try to read it, we had a birth mom panel and she said, "Why can't the good guys get us pregnant?" Ha, if that were ever possible we wouldn't have to be in counseling now, would we?

It's a little bit easier now to write out my feelings since my blog is private. I just hope if ANYONE is friends with him or knows him and talks to him on a regular basis should NEVER tell him what I write in here. Should NEVER tell him what decision I make. Should NEVER tell him if I'm going to be having a boy or a girl. If he wants to find out for himself he can find out from ME and not through the grapevine. I'm just putting it out there.

I have some good news: I called the orthodontic office that I called yesterday. And I'm meeting with the orthodontist to set up times for when I can come in :] Yessssssssssssssss. Finally. I called the dentist I had been externing at and left a message and I thanked them for letting me extern but it was hard for me to do it while I'm pregnant but if in the future I needed hours they could help me out. Hollla. Okay. I didn't say Holla. Unprofesh. But they'd be my last resort. Sad day.

I'm going to say this, if you have friends who have read my blog before and would like to read it, don't be afraid to tell me. I'm pretty much open to anyone reading my blog. Not unless you happen to be related to N or your name is N. Then that's no beuno.

I think I might be getting sick I had a fever today. Food doesn't sound very good either. If this sickness thing is coming back that I had a month ago I might stab someone in the jaw. I'm not a violent person. Just sayin'.
Oh and I also think I want to rent a fetal doppler for a month. That'd be cool since none of my family have been to any of my appointments with me to hear the heartbeat. And it'd be awesome to hear it anytime.
I just found out about it actually, www.storkradio.com

And I just had a million hiccups in a row. Weird. The baby was moving lots on my birthday, it was probably saying, "Happy Birthday Mom!" That'd be bomb. I'm probably out of style and no one says, "bomb" anymore. But I do. Judge me.

P.S. I just added a poll thing to the side. What is occupying my uterus?