Monday, January 10, 2011

Abortion and Adoption

It's interesting to see that adoption and abortion are almost the same words but change two letters and you have one or the other. The other night, I recorded the MTV special called, "No Easy Decision." It was about a girl that was on the 16&Pregnant show and they had a little girl. When their little girl was about 8 months old. The girl and her significant other (I don't remember if it was her boyfriend or husband) found out they were expecting again. She got pregnant again because she was using the depo shot. She missed one shot but she thought the birth control was still in her and they continued to have unprotected sex.

The link above is the "special." Nothing too special about it. To be honest. I may seem judgmental but this is my point of view and my belief. Maybe I don't think it's special because I didn't like the episode. Maybe because it made me angry?

Of course, this girl has 3 decisions facing an unplanned pregnancy. Abortion, Parenting or Adoption. She goes to a friend to talk about her options. She can't have another child because it's going to get in the way of their schooling and they wouldn't be able to provide for another child. They can barely provide for their one and each other. Adoption, she couldn't go through with it because she knew that she already loved the baby and could never "give it away." But abortion, she can handle it because she wouldn't have to worry about it.

Her significant other drives her to the abortion clinic and that's when I lost it. I started crying my eyes out. I don't know if I was mad. But I watched the episode putting myself in her shoes (sort of, because I would never choose that option for myself.) and Tayler is sitting right next to me. Watching it with me. He holds me while I cry and I'm telling him, "Please turn around. Please turn the car around." Like it was me in the car in the passenger seat, crying my eyes out with this girl. And the guy just being all nonchalant. He doesn't have to worry about the hospital bills with this baby and double the diapers. Tayler told me, first, he would've never let me go through with that. and second, if he did and we were in the car and he asked me to turn around, he would. The girl never asked to turn around. But that's what I would be screaming in my head. If I had to say it outloud. That's how much it hurt me.

After that segment of her going through with her decision. They do an "after show" and they also bring out two other girls who have also had an abortion. They both talked about how they wouldn't want to go through the physical of a pregnancy or giving birth. They did acknowledge girls who did place their babies for adoption and did go through with their whole pregnancy and "sacrifice their bodies" to do that. One girl was "proud of her decision." All through the show they talked about how it wasn't a baby yet. It was just "cells" or "tissues" that they're removing.

I love this video that Tamra, a birthmom friend, made. Funny thing, I met Tamra at Anasazi. A wilderness program. So many people told me to talk to her when I found out I was pregnant and I already knew her ;)

As I'm sitting here and I'm reading the comments and so many people who say they're adopted  and they're grateful for the chance to be here today and I just think about how there are so many others that haven't had the chance to say that they're alive or living today because someone wasn't "ready" or to "sacrifice their body." This person didn't even have a say or not if they wanted to be here.

I laid in bed that night next to Tayler and I'm still in tears just thinking about it. What if I was faced with the decision? Not exactly the unplanned pregnancy. I don't care since I'm married. Ready or not. Rich or not. I'm parenting my baby. I'm excited for that day! I'm pretty sure I cry or talk about it like nobody's business. Sorry to be annoying, if I am! But if I was faced with the decision that either medically I had to abort the baby. Or if I knew the baby wasn't going to make it full term and not live. Would I just end the misery? I decided to try not to think about it because it was going to make more upset.

Just watching the episode, made me upset. It was definitely a mistake to watch it. If you think you're stronger than me and you can go through that episode and not get angry, then by all means do it. I know some people will probably hate me and say, "don't judge." or "you were never in that situation." Actually, I was probably more in that situation more than you know. I was faced with that decision. Not did I ever stop to think about an abortion or contemplate and really go through with it. It was never an option for me. I'm sure someone asked me and I immediately answered, "No."

Why would I deny this little girl a life?

Cells and tissues become THIS.

Would I give up my "perfect" body just so she can live? You bet, I would. I would do it over and over and over, until the point my body was full of stretch marks. If faced with the decision multiple times. Luckily, I only faced it once. I'm sure others would choose parenting if they had already made the decision to place for adoption because it would be "too hard" to let their baby go again. I'm sure it'd hurt, sure it'd tear me apart. But I'd relive it, knowing she is living and breathing and here today.

Why would anybody want to kill/terminate/abort instead of adoption? I know I shouldn't judge and that this is all pro-adoption. But GET OVER IT. I'm pro-adoption. So if you're not, stop reading and go to another blog. You can take your nasty comments somewhere else. I didn't invite you to read this. So see ya.

The girl made the comment that she couldn't place her baby for adoption because she "wouldn't know." She wouldn't know about her baby how he/she is. How they're doing. It's a legitimate fear. If someone doesn't know about adoption. But with an open adoption. I may not know every single day of her life and what she's up to. Yes, I can't go a day without thinking about Olivia. But I can definitely go a day without worrying about her and hoping she is being taken care of. Because I completely trust the people that are raising her. I know they wouldn't hurt her on purpose and they would prevent anything that would hurt her on accident. They are incredible people.

 In the episode, she mentioned that if she placed her baby she would always wonder if she'd regret it. Or if she parented then she'd wonder if adoption was what was best and regret the decision to parent. But to get rid of both options and just to abort the baby because the decision was too much? How does that make sense? Apparently in the show, they said that, "In about 2 years is when you would feel relief or not feel regret." So what are they doing in that 2 years? Still grieving over it? Still wondering if their regretting it? I think any decision, you may question it, if what you did was right. Which I believe is completely normal. Like Tamra said in her video, there is no easy way out of a crisis pregnancy. Each decision will live with you forever.

But I hate that adoption and abortion are so close in words. One is completely ugly, horrible, inhumane and disgusting (abortion) and adoption that is beautiful, wonderful, peaceful, and complete. I love seeing pictures of Olivia with her family because then I can see that I took apart of creating that. I helped create that eternal family. And that's what I wanted for her. To have two parents, to be stable, to have something that is completely eternal. I didn't know when and if I was ever going to provide her with that. But I knew my decision with adoption, was going to guarantee that.

In the after show, they continued saying that abortion wasn't an easy way out like everyone says. That people just want to deny that they're pregnant and get over it. That it's never a first decision, that it's always the last. Why is adoption always considered last? I guess, it could be. But I always feel like abortion is brought up first. Abortion? No. Parenting? Maybe, let's try that out. Let's see if it's even possible. But at the same time, educate yourself with the options. I knew I probably wouldn't have thought about adoption if I didn't go to counseling and looked into it. A lot of people don't know that open adoptions are even out there and I wish they did.

I think everyone remembers certain days in their lives. Maybe the day they started going steady with their boyfriend and girlfriend. The day they got engaged. The day they got married. The day they lost a loved one. That lost loved one's birthday. Your best friends birthday. Your parents birthday. Your siblings birthday. Understand? We celebrate dates. We remember them. What makes you think that the people who decide with an abortion don't? They figure out the first day of their last period. They figure out their due date. What makes you think that they don't think about it? I would. I would think, this is the day my baby would've been born. I would just lay in bed thinking about the little spirit that would be in my arms. How difficult would that be not to have them there? How does that make abortion a great decision? An unregrettable decision?

The girl from 16&Pregnant was the only girl out of the other two girls who had a child previous. The other two girls had no children before their abortions or post abortions. I definitely wouldn't think of an abortion as a first option after having my first child. Especially, making the phone call to an abortion clinic with my child in my LAP. How would you feel being that baby and growing up and watching this? Watching your own mother terminate your brother or sister? And now your mother is preaching how she doesn't want you to end up the same way or do the same things? Cearly, she didn't learn after having you. How does that make you feel that could've been you? What if it was your brother or sister that was born before you and you were the one that wasn't here? It just seemed like to me the girls didn't think about their options much. I mean, you have such a limited amount of time to make the decision to go through with an abortion. Pregnancies don't last forever. And they definitely wouldn't terminate a pregnancy at so many weeks because that's considered a felony. So, of course that's why abortion always seems like the easy way out. Being a parent, you don't want to be tied down to 18+years of a child if you're not ready, right? So killing a baby is easier. Hmmmm. You don't want to have to "worry" about the baby being with somebody else, so abortion is better than adoption? Hmmm.
I know abortion is so controversial. I know everyone will have their opinions. This just happens to be mine. 

This shows to me why I could never, ever regret my decision to place.

This shows to me why adoption isn't just about the "money" or couples "buying babies." (Isn't paying for an abortion like hiring a hitman? That's all I have to say about that.)

If I regretted it and I didn't want to go through with an adoption, so why should Olivia be here in the first place? She had a purpose. It may not be in my arms with me (and Tayler) but with a family who wasn't just an answer to my prayers. Olivia was an answer to theirs.

Whatever decision may cross your path. It may not have to be this extreme but whatever you choose. Choose what you want. Not what everyone else expects you to want.


  1. Wow, powerful post. I couldn't agree with you more.

  2. I hate aborition. hate hate hate it. The year I got pregnant I had a roommate who was "pro choice" as she called it. I moved out. I could not STAND it. I found out I was pregnant a few months later and chose adoption, a beautiful thing.

  3. Awesome post! How could you deny the so called "cells and tissues" life? The chance to run and to be loved? I am amazed at the selfishness of people...when I I hold my precious daughter I could never imagine anyone hurting her let alone takes a truly courageous person to place their child for adoption or attempt parenting....abortion? Plain selfish motives. Thumbs up to this post!

  4. Great thoughts and feelings here. I also wrote about this special that MTV aired and I can honestly say that the special really did nothing for helping young women out there to understand abortion any better than they might have before. It was heartbreaking to watch, and even more heartbreaking to comtemplate how many young women were watching thinking ... "Oh, it's not THAT hard."

    I do not think I can watch MTV anymore, I jsut do not see any education going on in that program, or the programs like it (16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom). If you would like to read my take, perhaps we could compare notes on this, feel free to come over and read. The Post is called, appropriately enough, Convoy of Crap and can be found here.

    I hope you do not mind me linking here, but this subject needs to be addressed again and again. So many women out there need to know what they are going into, wheter it be adoption or abortion.

  5. As someone who has gone through parenting, an ALMOST adoption, and abortion.. I can 100% say I disagree. Abortion was not my first option, but it was my very best option. If I had not had my abortion, I would of been kicked out of my house EVEN if I had decided to place the child. Then what would happen with my other 2 children? I love reading your blog, and at times am even envious that you've had such a great adoption experience. My almost-adoption experience was the hardest thing I have EVER been through. The abortion although sad, was much easier to deal with. Maybe for the 'tissue and cells' I made a selfish decision, but for my other 2 living children I made the most selfless decision I could. I NEVER thought I could have an abortion, but when it comes down to it.. you gotta do what you gotta do.

  6. Thank you for this honest post! Last week.....we had our twins placed in our arms....little "cells and tissues" who according to everyone alive in today's world should have been aborted. We are so thankful our noble birthmother disagreed, and fought hard for the lives of her babies. I can't wait until the day I get to look into her eyes and tell her how much we love her. I cannot wait for her to get to hold her beautiful, perfect son and daughter in her arms.....and see the fearfully and wonderfully made life she created!

  7. Abortion has always deeply saddened me, but now that we are trying to adopt, it is downright heart wrenching.
    I love this quote from Neal A. Maxwell: "I thank the Father that His Only Begotten Son did not say in defiant protest at Calvary, 'My body is my own!' I stand in admiration of women today who resist the 'fashion of abortion', by refusing to make the sacred womb a tomb!”

  8. I wish you knew how much respect I have for you.

  9. Mallerie Kristine,
    you DID make a selfish decision. All of those excuses, result in YOU. Stop using your other kids as an excuse. Maybe you should quit having sex. That way you won't kill anymore children.

    I love you and wish I could write like you.

  10. Andee, I'm sorry you think that. But my decision was mine alone. I, without a doubt, believe I made the best decision for my family. And yes, teaching abstience really goes a long way, doesn't it? If that worked we wouldn't have teen[or unwanted] pregnancy in the first place. It wasn't a child, it wasn't even a fetus yet.

    I wasn't being rude to Stefanie, otherwise she wouldn't of approved my comment. I was just trying to state the other side of the spectrum. Abortion isn't easy, and it was not my first choice. If I knew that I'd have a safe place to raise all of my kids, I would of parented in a heart beat.

  11. I too saw parts of that program. MTV is glamourizing teen pregnancy and sensationalizing adoption with no real education or resources for teens in those situations. What part of abstinence or alternatively, multiple forms of birth control is that hard to understand? Especially since that girl has an 8 month old- it's not like she doesn't live daily life with the consequences! So sad that she called the clinic when her daughter was on her lap.

  12. Being adopted, I believe I can speak on behalf of many other adopted people and say that I am REALLY glad my birthmother didn't get rid of any inconvenient 'tissues and cells' (aka ME!!!). I am very grateful to be ***alive***, thank you very much.

    Furthermore, if Mallerie Kristine's 'tissues and cells' would've been allowed to live long enough, I'm sure they would have had a similar opinion. Thats what is so heartbreaking - knowing those 'tissues and cells' became a casualty of convenience.

  13. I considered abortion when I got pregnant and couldn't go through with it but Mallerie Kristine is entitled to her opinion no?
    I could also never give my baby up for adoption but I respect those who do, and support my loved one who did.
    Every situation is different.

  14. Mothers who have experienced both relinquishing a child fro adoption and having an abortion report that the adoption is far, far more painful for them. One has closure, the other is what is called a limbo loss. The pain, grief, shame last a lifetime. It's a lot to ask of women and I think we need compassion for those not up to it.

    There are already 120,000 or more children available for adoption right here in the US. We need not encourage women to suffer a lifetime of pain to supply more. It is like vultures or people waiting for an awful tragedy to provide them with an organ transplant...except for one thing, as you say...a child is NOT tissue! A child is a human being and as such has rights, may of ehich US adoption practice denies him, such as the right to know his heritage....or even to be allowed to ever see a copy of his own birth certificate.

  15. See Mallerie that is your problem.
    You state it's not a child, when it is, in fact a CHILD. You see that picture Stef posted? The one about Tissue?

    read the words in small print. There is a HEARTBEAT at 18 days and brain waves at 40. What else would you call that? a non living thing witha heartbeat? Sorry. No such thing.
    Sorry, but it is a baby. You can keep denying that to yourself all you want...especially because it's too late!

    But don't sit there and act like abortion is not murder. it IS murder. It is a CHILD. I don't understand how people like you can justify that.

    You don't have to agree with me because it's apparant you don't want to admit that what you did was so wrong, but don't go around standing up for such a SELFISH thing. please. That's the same thing as supporting murder..of innocent babys.

    Ps. I never thought you were being rude to Stefanie, but I cannot FATHOM the way people like you think. Abortion IS murder. I'm more passionate about that than I am about Adoption. Why? because when you decide to be a teen parent, at least your not murdering the child you created, that had NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER!!!

  16. Janelle, this is a moment where I wish there was a like button on blogger, like facebook.


  17. Mallerie Kristine, there are always other options. Always. There's no way to rationalize the fact that you killed your baby.

  18. Andee, I will not 'admit I'm wrong' because I do not believe my decision was wrong.

    I will never understand the mindset where people like you get to decide what is best for someone else. You're pro-life? good for you.. then be pro-life. Don't abort any of YOUR babies.

    And if it were murder- then It would be illegal.

    Bhans- Please explain to me my other options. Being on the streets.. with 3 kids? Good choice.

  19. Thank you for being brave enough to post this. I found myslef single and pregnant at 23. I had one semester left in college and I was going to choose to parent my son, even though I knew the choice was going to be difficult. Tragically, I lost him at 12 weeks. It was such a heart wrenching feeling to know that this baby that I already loved so much and that I was happily rearranging my life for was gone. It was all I wanted to get him back and there was nothing anyone could do. I honestly felt like someone had stolen the thing I loved most in this world. After feeling that, I cannot imagine if it had been my choice for him to die. It makes me sick just to think about it.

  20. All I have to say is that it's your opinion on the matter, since abortion is still legal I find nothing to be wrong with it. In fact I think more people should get abortions. I do not agree with anything you have said so far. I myself do NOT believe in adoption. I simply couldn't and I'm glad that the option of abortion is around in case my BC fails. It is not my place nor is it up to someone else to have an unplanned pregnancy and provide the fetus to someone else to raise after it is born. We are people, we have choices and options and one of mine is to NOT pop out babies for those who can't have their own. Adopt the kids already in need.

  21. I respect your opinion.I myself am pro-choice, but that doesn't mean I too am not Pro-adoption.

    If a woman wants to abort,adopt,or parent,she has my support.My biggest gripe is that everyone seems to think that once the adoption is over,life goes on for the birth-mother.It doesn't.

    There is a huge gap in the system when it comes to providing birth-mothers the emotional and mental and medical(often medication for the mental,lets not forget that.) support they need after placing a child.Even an open adoption doesn't alleviate the constant sense of profound loss some women experience.It's a lot like facing a death,if you'll pardon the comparison.

    Imagine going to the hospital ,having a baby,then leaving without her.
    PPD doesn't even touch the ache.And all anyone can say is,"You are so brave!"
    "You are so strong!"
    "You've given a child life and made a family so,sooo happy!"
    "I'm so proud of you!"

    Great.Thanks.Now what?How do I go on from here?

    Abortion and adoption do have one thing in common.Neither one ever "makes you un-pregnant." And knowing your baby is safe and healthy may soothe the anxiety a little , but the comfort is cold.So very cold.
    And it never goes away.

    There are birth-mothers out there who regret not aborting,not because they don't love the child they brought to life, but because the pain of separation is so,so,overwhelming.And life-long.And that's what no-one seems to understand unless they've been there.

    Even those that are dead-set on adoption and have had counseling are bowled over by the natural mothering-instinct that screams "Where is my baby! I want my baby! Is she hurt?Is she sick? Is she lonely,cold, is something horrible about to happen to her?!"
    Imagine that voice screaming in your head day -in,day-out, 24-7,and not being able to silence them.This is what it's like.

    That's why I can never say who should or shouldn't be allowed to abort or be made to put their child up.If a woman is so crippled by what-ifs and depression ,how can she be the best mother she can to her other children,the ones she gets to raise?

    And what does it say about the adoption -agencies and the rest of the people responsible for making is possible to place, when the woman who made it possible for that couple to be a family is left a bleeding,bewildered wreck?

    Fix this,and adoption might genuinely be a more palatable option for women.

  22. I am a birth mother, who's also had an abortion. Personally the adoption I put my second daughter through was the most painful thing I ever did in my life, but I have no regrets with my abortion. Giving my daughter up for adoption involved a painful c-section and I was under so many medicines I was still pretty much doped up , and I felt like they ripped her from my arms. I hardly got to meet her. I have very minimal contact with her now and it's still painful. I have no regrets with my abortion however, I'm glad I could do that instead of putting another child up for adoption. I already had an adorable daughter at the time who I didn't want to put behind an embryo, simple as that. I'm now the mother of 2 gorgeous step children and I'm pregnant again. I'm in good financial shape. I only wish I had my other daughter back to join this family, it'd be complete then...but I can't.

  23. @Everyone. I'm fine with a little bit of debate. But please don't make others feel uncomfortable or feel attacked. Like I've said, this is MY opinion. I know there will be a lot of others that feel the same way. But others will feel differently and I'm fine if people respect my opinions and I will respect theirs. As I've said, I am pro-adoption. But people will choose what they want to choose in THEIR life. We may not have to like it or agree with it. But it still happens. I vocalize my choices and what I think should be right. But other peoples terms of "right" could be completely different.
    If you have had an abortion or are considering, please head over to Andee's blog and watch the video on there. It is quite disturbing but real.

  24. @ First Anonymous Comment. I don't understand why you're telling me to think about adoption or imagine it or what it would feel like to "lose" a child to adoption. Because I've been there. I've placed my own child for adoption. I've felt the loss, the grief, the pain. As you compare adoption to a loss of a loved one. I always feel like, yes, it may be hard to lose someone to death. But I feel as though you can move on from it. It depends on the way you deal with grief. I know, personally, some days are harder than other days. Which is completely normal. But I know adoption is beautiful and wonderful. And with saying that, I feel with abortion that people ignore those feelings of loss and just end it. They don't want to feel the baby. They don't want to hear the heartbeat. They don't want to hold their baby so they terminate it. But I've felt ALL of that. I felt my baby kick. I heard her heartbeat. I held her. Sure, I had my second thoughts and sure I wanted her with everything I had.

  25. This also goes with @Beasauce's comment. It is a NATURAL feeling that we feel to want children to have them. It is a natural feeling to be a mother. It is a natural for our bodies to have children. If they weren't, clearly, none of us would be here. I don't think it is NATURAL to harm or hurt another human being. Emotionally or physically. Even when women are pregnant, they go through a denial stage. They don't believe that they're pregnant, they take about 8 tests to get the positive result on all 8. They don't believe it and hear the heartbeat. It's not until they're up on that screen and you see that child is in you. Growing and becoming a living, breathing human being.
    I don't believe in using abortion as a BIRTH CONTROL. It is wrong. I believe if your BC fails then get the morning after pill. Plan B. Whatever. If it were up to me. Abortion would not be an option. But if that were it. Then we'd have a lot more single parents (welfare, but I don't know where the government is getting the money to provide for them since they're already in debt. So let's be more debt!), or babies thrown in the dumpster. That's definitely illegal.
    You may talk about the grief and the depression that comes with adoption. But have you looked into open adoptions and the emotional effects that it has on the child and the birthmom? The birthmom knows more how her child is and doesn't have to question it. The child knows where he/she comes from. I know with closed adoptions, that it's a lot harder. People who know the least grieve the most.
    Yes, there are kids that are "already in need." But guess what? What happens to the ones that are unplanned pregnancies? You expect every single person to adopt internationally? Because all the kids in the united states are domestic adoptions just like mine is. Because I faced an unplanned pregnancy. Found my options and decided what to do. You may continue to disagree with my opinion. Everyone will have their own stories with adoption. May some hurt a little bit more than others but some are a lot more peaceful. And if you ask the ones with open adoptions, they are definitely more at peace.
    I'm sorry but I'd rather deal with the burden and the loss of my LIVING child, then live with the fact I killed my child. But you know, those who have gone through an abortion- The time will come when every individual will pay full price, and perhaps with interest, every obligation incurred even though it was hidden or covered at the time. Please, don't say that you would never place your child for adoption (if you're going to have children out of wedlock, chose an abortion, chose to single parent, chose to get married) when you never looked at your options or tried looking into it. I never thought I would do that with my own children, but guess what? I did. So don't say you NEVER could. Cause you can if you're willing to do what's best for your child. But everyone will have their own opinion what is best and that's what I felt was best for mine.

  26. As I am reading these comments I am reading it makes me so is truely selfish that a few of you "didn't want to deal with the pain of an adoption"....that is so selfish that you would rather spare yourself heartache and kill your unborn child. I don't mean this in offense to women who have "accidentally" goteen pregnant, but if you got knocked up its your own fault and you should not punish an innocent defenseless baby just so you can spare yourself the grief and pain of an adoption or the pains of pregnancy...seriously grow up and take responsibility for your actions either make some major sacrifices or put your child up for adoption...someone else wants to love and hold your child. Quit thinking about the pains of adoption or the pains of pregnancy... I am sure it is unbearably hard to place your child...but that's when you show your maturity and courage when u choose giving that child a life over your own suffering. Sure abortion is legal but it is only legal because there are other selfish people out there. Give your baby a chance to live!

  27. proud to be a birthmom.
    proud to be PRO CHOICE.
    'who are you to judge'? that goes for all of us towards every one of us, it is not my place to say what one woman decides is right or wrong for her and/or her body, most definitely including pregnancy.
    i chose life and adoption, but thats just me, simple as that. to each his own. to say that someone else is 'selfish' for choosing abortion is unacceptable judgement, in my opinion.

  28. How bout you find somewhere else to live rather than the streets?! Yeah it might be hard but there are ALWAYS other options. ALWAYS. If times get hard today, right now and you ended up on the street, you might as well do the exact same thing to your two kids that are still alive. It's no different. NO different.
    birthMOM if some mother killed her born child today would you "judge" her? Or would you say "it's their own decision"? I sure as heck would "judge" them! You need to go watch that movie as well. It's murder. Plain and simple.

  29. Here's a perspective on when I was given the option to abort my child...and it WAS a PLANNED pregnancy.

    I found out when I was 23 weeks along (on my birthday of all days) with my 2nd daughter that she was going to be born with severe heart defects. I was given the option to abort her. That option went in one ear and out the other. Sure, I was worried about all that could happen with her once she was born and with hospital bills and such, but that didn't lead me down the path to abortion. I just didn't know what would happen until AFTER she was born.

    That being said, I do think people can have their own choice. We were given agency to make decisions whether they are right or not. However, reading some of the comments that people said they could never handle the heartache of adoption. If there is one thing I have learned in my life so far, you don't really know how you will feel or react until you are in the situation. Aborting is not being faced with the situation, its getting rid of it. How did that one girl REALLY know she would get kicked out if she had a 3rd kid? Her mother might have reconsidered.

    I never thought I could face having to go through a situation like this with my daughter and watching her have multiple open heart surgeries. I thought it would tear my soul apart thinking about it before she was born on what would happen. But I did it, I found out I was stronger than I actually was and I gave her life. And she is a happy 2 year old today. Had I had taken the option given to me at the Dr. over 2 years ago, she wouldn't be here and that just makes me sad to think about that.

  30. My sister was a single mom with two children under the age of five when she found out she was expecting again.

    She was single, working full-time, trying to go back to school, paying for daycare, and taking care of her two young children on her own.

    When she found out she was pregnant abortion wasn't even an option even though she knew how hard it was going to be. She decided to place for adoption. The couple had already flown in and were spending time with her when she received a phone call from her lawyer informing her that the birth-father had stopped the adoption. She received that phone call the day before she went into labor and it was extremely traumatic because she had her heart set on adoption.

    Now she is a single mom with three kids under the age of six, working full-time, and going back to school.

    She has had a very hard time and for a while she was homeless. She had the kids sleep at relatives' homes while she slept in her car. She would pick the kids up in the morning and take the to school/day care and then go to work. She'd pick them up after work, spend the rest of the day with them, and then take them back to a relative's house for the night.

    Despite all of that, she doesn't regret going through with the pregnancy. She is still sad that the adoption didn't work (because she loved the couple she chose,) but she loves her little girl and so do her other two kids.

  31. I had an abortion when I was 23 and it was the worst experience of my life! I was so young and stupid at the time and I have repented day in and day out for it. I am 27 now and have a 2 year old of my own and she is my world. I regret my decision everyday and beg God for forgiveness for what I have done. I would never wish that experience or decision upon anyone.

  32. "Bhans- Please explain to me my other options. Being on the streets.. with 3 kids? Good choice."

    Uhh did she even read the post?! :-/


  33. Stefanie! I dearly Love you! I was ringing out a customer the other day and she was on the phone(How rude!) but she was talking about her friend that has had 3 Abortions! I almost literally cried right there because of Our Spirit Brothers and sisters aren't able to live on earth! It's very sad to hear about! And wanted to blog about it... but I think I'll just refer people over to your blog post because you did a wonderful job talking about it! And I so wish that people would actually stop thinking about their own pains they may go through if they make the decision to place for adoption. Putting myself in your shoes as well as other Birth mothers, I wouldn't want to Kill/MURDER my child to just "forget" that I was ever pregnant. Or do any thing to harm my child! I would want to do what is best for them and put my child first! And if Marriage wasn't a possibility then I would prayerfully choose adoption.

    To me Abortion is Murder, when you have an abortion your killing life. I would only accept Abortion if someone was raped and got pregnant. And I don't want to think about Medical issues. I probably would risk my own life to make sure my child lives.

    P.S. I hope I didn't say anything insensitive to offend anybody, I'm just expressing my opinion and I hope I put it in the best words I can possible! Love ya girl!

  34. Awesome post! Love it :)

    I couldn't agree with you more. When I first found out I was pregnant, my initial reaction was abortion. The only thing at that moment stopping me was finances. Now that my son is here and knowing the moment I placed him in his parents' arms was the most bittersweet moment in my was worth it. Every stretch mark, c-section scar and the ache in my heart, it was worth it. Knowing he has a chance at was so worth it. The best decision I ever made was to give him life :)

  35. Just because something is LEGAL doesn't mean it's right. Our governent works on what the majority of the population want. If the majority are pro-abortion then that is what the law is. Don't let laws influence what you think is morally right.

  36. I don't know if you remember that i (kelsey eastman, i dont have an account and cant figure out how to put my name in this) was put in that situation you talked about with my pregnancy and doctors and so many others telling me that my Olivia would be deformed and with no doubt in there minds that i should get an abortion. I still to this day cannot beleive that someone even told me to abort my precious Olivia! I watched that episode as well and right after she decited to go with abortion I cried my eyes out as well i was so sad that that girl did not educate herself about her options because she did not even look into what adoption intelled but she definetly looked into abortion I am reapply pissed at MTV for even showing a tv show like that because I know so many young girls will think that's what they need to do because they educated themselves through that show. Thank you for posting this and thank you for having this blog stefanie I know that at least one girl was influenced by your blog and helped her choose adoption because you have shown adoption as a beautiful thing.

  37. Hi Stefanie! I found your blog from your guest post on an APs blog. First off, I love how open and honest you are! Thanks for sharing.

    I really have no interest in furthering any debate as I have never been in the situation to make such a decision. In fact, we are hoping to adopt ourselves. All I can do is tell how it feels from a PAPs perspective...I would just like to say that when I hear about women having abortions, it makes me very sad. Sad that they are necessary, and sad that they occur. It also hurts. It hurts because no matter how hard I try to get pregnant, I will never be able to. It kills to witness others end the pregnancy I could never have.

    My husband and I only hope that someday soon we will meet someone as awesome as you are that is committed to a great life for their kiddo regardless of the pain it causes them.

  38. Su-Chin: All babies want to get borned! All babies want to get borned!

    On a more serious note, this is a very hard post for me to comment on. We are very grateful you chose to go through the pain and suffering you have and do go through so that Olivia could have life and that we can share in it. She has been a ray of sunshine for our family and extended family and all that come in contact with her.

    When I think of someone having an abortion, I imagine that she genuinely believes that there is not yet life, that the child does not yet exist. While I do not believe that, I pain for anyone having to make those kind of choices, ie "I'm pregnant what do I do?"

    It would be so much easier if women who ached for children were able to become pregnant and the women who don't, don't. But life isn't that way. There are so many of us sorrowing at the same time.
    Of course, I am grateful that adoption is an option that some women in this hard spot consider.

    You said, "A lot of people don't know that open adoptions are even out there and I wish they did." *Hopefully* open adoption alleviates the limbo loss scenario. What things to you think we (and other people) to spread the word about open adoption?

  39. Hey Stefanie,
    I thought you would like this video. It shows what those "tissues" really are. Maybe if you post it, it will give someone a second thought about killing a baby!

  40. Hi - I hopped over from Brittany and Que's blog and I can't stop reading you're blog! Thank you for everything you write. This is a great post. I especially love you're comeback to people who say adoption is buying a child - that abortion is buying a hitman. I am an adoptive mom and it hurts to hear people say bad things about adoption. I wish it were easier on birth families, but I am so, so grateful there are those brave enough to wear that mantle. Thank you for sharing your heart with the world.