The link above is the "special." Nothing too special about it. To be honest. I may seem judgmental but this is my point of view and my belief. Maybe I don't think it's special because I didn't like the episode. Maybe because it made me angry?
Of course, this girl has 3 decisions facing an unplanned pregnancy. Abortion, Parenting or Adoption. She goes to a friend to talk about her options. She can't have another child because it's going to get in the way of their schooling and they wouldn't be able to provide for another child. They can barely provide for their one and each other. Adoption, she couldn't go through with it because she knew that she already loved the baby and could never "give it away." But abortion, she can handle it because she wouldn't have to worry about it.
Her significant other drives her to the abortion clinic and that's when I lost it. I started crying my eyes out. I don't know if I was mad. But I watched the episode putting myself in her shoes (sort of, because I would never choose that option for myself.) and Tayler is sitting right next to me. Watching it with me. He holds me while I cry and I'm telling him, "Please turn around. Please turn the car around." Like it was me in the car in the passenger seat, crying my eyes out with this girl. And the guy just being all nonchalant. He doesn't have to worry about the hospital bills with this baby and double the diapers. Tayler told me, first, he would've never let me go through with that. and second, if he did and we were in the car and he asked me to turn around, he would. The girl never asked to turn around. But that's what I would be screaming in my head. If I had to say it outloud. That's how much it hurt me.
After that segment of her going through with her decision. They do an "after show" and they also bring out two other girls who have also had an abortion. They both talked about how they wouldn't want to go through the physical of a pregnancy or giving birth. They did acknowledge girls who did place their babies for adoption and did go through with their whole pregnancy and "sacrifice their bodies" to do that. One girl was "proud of her decision." All through the show they talked about how it wasn't a baby yet. It was just "cells" or "tissues" that they're removing.
I love this video that Tamra, a birthmom friend, made. Funny thing, I met Tamra at Anasazi. A wilderness program. So many people told me to talk to her when I found out I was pregnant and I already knew her ;)
As I'm sitting here and I'm reading the comments and so many people who say they're adopted and they're grateful for the chance to be here today and I just think about how there are so many others that haven't had the chance to say that they're alive or living today because someone wasn't "ready" or to "sacrifice their body." This person didn't even have a say or not if they wanted to be here.
I laid in bed that night next to Tayler and I'm still in tears just thinking about it. What if I was faced with the decision? Not exactly the unplanned pregnancy. I don't care since I'm married. Ready or not. Rich or not. I'm parenting my baby. I'm excited for that day! I'm pretty sure I cry or talk about it like nobody's business. Sorry to be annoying, if I am! But if I was faced with the decision that either medically I had to abort the baby. Or if I knew the baby wasn't going to make it full term and not live. Would I just end the misery? I decided to try not to think about it because it was going to make more upset.
Just watching the episode, made me upset. It was definitely a mistake to watch it. If you think you're stronger than me and you can go through that episode and not get angry, then by all means do it. I know some people will probably hate me and say, "don't judge." or "you were never in that situation." Actually, I was probably more in that situation more than you know. I was faced with that decision. Not did I ever stop to think about an abortion or contemplate and really go through with it. It was never an option for me. I'm sure someone asked me and I immediately answered, "No."
Why would I deny this little girl a life?
Cells and tissues become THIS.
Would I give up my "perfect" body just so she can live? You bet, I would. I would do it over and over and over, until the point my body was full of stretch marks. If faced with the decision multiple times. Luckily, I only faced it once. I'm sure others would choose parenting if they had already made the decision to place for adoption because it would be "too hard" to let their baby go again. I'm sure it'd hurt, sure it'd tear me apart. But I'd relive it, knowing she is living and breathing and here today.
Why would anybody want to kill/terminate/abort instead of adoption? I know I shouldn't judge and that this is all pro-adoption. But GET OVER IT. I'm pro-adoption. So if you're not, stop reading and go to another blog. You can take your nasty comments somewhere else. I didn't invite you to read this. So see ya.
The girl made the comment that she couldn't place her baby for adoption because she "wouldn't know." She wouldn't know about her baby how he/she is. How they're doing. It's a legitimate fear. If someone doesn't know about adoption. But with an open adoption. I may not know every single day of her life and what she's up to. Yes, I can't go a day without thinking about Olivia. But I can definitely go a day without worrying about her and hoping she is being taken care of. Because I completely trust the people that are raising her. I know they wouldn't hurt her on purpose and they would prevent anything that would hurt her on accident. They are incredible people.
In the episode, she mentioned that if she placed her baby she would always wonder if she'd regret it. Or if she parented then she'd wonder if adoption was what was best and regret the decision to parent. But to get rid of both options and just to abort the baby because the decision was too much? How does that make sense? Apparently in the show, they said that, "In about 2 years is when you would feel relief or not feel regret." So what are they doing in that 2 years? Still grieving over it? Still wondering if their regretting it? I think any decision, you may question it, if what you did was right. Which I believe is completely normal. Like Tamra said in her video, there is no easy way out of a crisis pregnancy. Each decision will live with you forever.
But I hate that adoption and abortion are so close in words. One is completely ugly, horrible, inhumane and disgusting (abortion) and adoption that is beautiful, wonderful, peaceful, and complete. I love seeing pictures of Olivia with her family because then I can see that I took apart of creating that. I helped create that eternal family. And that's what I wanted for her. To have two parents, to be stable, to have something that is completely eternal. I didn't know when and if I was ever going to provide her with that. But I knew my decision with adoption, was going to guarantee that.
In the after show, they continued saying that abortion wasn't an easy way out like everyone says. That people just want to deny that they're pregnant and get over it. That it's never a first decision, that it's always the last. Why is adoption always considered last? I guess, it could be. But I always feel like abortion is brought up first. Abortion? No. Parenting? Maybe, let's try that out. Let's see if it's even possible. But at the same time, educate yourself with the options. I knew I probably wouldn't have thought about adoption if I didn't go to counseling and looked into it. A lot of people don't know that open adoptions are even out there and I wish they did.
I think everyone remembers certain days in their lives. Maybe the day they started going steady with their boyfriend and girlfriend. The day they got engaged. The day they got married. The day they lost a loved one. That lost loved one's birthday. Your best friends birthday. Your parents birthday. Your siblings birthday. Understand? We celebrate dates. We remember them. What makes you think that the people who decide with an abortion don't? They figure out the first day of their last period. They figure out their due date. What makes you think that they don't think about it? I would. I would think, this is the day my baby would've been born. I would just lay in bed thinking about the little spirit that would be in my arms. How difficult would that be not to have them there? How does that make abortion a great decision? An unregrettable decision?
The girl from 16&Pregnant was the only girl out of the other two girls who had a child previous. The other two girls had no children before their abortions or post abortions. I definitely wouldn't think of an abortion as a first option after having my first child. Especially, making the phone call to an abortion clinic with my child in my LAP. How would you feel being that baby and growing up and watching this? Watching your own mother terminate your brother or sister? And now your mother is preaching how she doesn't want you to end up the same way or do the same things? Cearly, she didn't learn after having you. How does that make you feel that could've been you? What if it was your brother or sister that was born before you and you were the one that wasn't here? It just seemed like to me the girls didn't think about their options much. I mean, you have such a limited amount of time to make the decision to go through with an abortion. Pregnancies don't last forever. And they definitely wouldn't terminate a pregnancy at so many weeks because that's considered a felony. So, of course that's why abortion always seems like the easy way out. Being a parent, you don't want to be tied down to 18+years of a child if you're not ready, right? So killing a baby is easier. Hmmmm. You don't want to have to "worry" about the baby being with somebody else, so abortion is better than adoption? Hmmm.
I know abortion is so controversial. I know everyone will have their opinions. This just happens to be mine.
This shows to me why I could never, ever regret my decision to place.
This shows to me why adoption isn't just about the "money" or couples "buying babies." (Isn't paying for an abortion like hiring a hitman? That's all I have to say about that.)
If I regretted it and I didn't want to go through with an adoption, so why should Olivia be here in the first place? She had a purpose. It may not be in my arms with me (and Tayler) but with a family who wasn't just an answer to my prayers. Olivia was an answer to theirs.
Whatever decision may cross your path. It may not have to be this extreme but whatever you choose. Choose what you want. Not what everyone else expects you to want.