Sunday, October 31, 2010

Halloween

Happy official Halloween!

I say that since everyone has been complaining that Halloween was celebrated Friday, Saturday and today this year. I'm just saying it has NOTHING to do with the fact that we live in the state of Utah and no one celebrates it on Sunday. I'm pretty sure a lot of people work Monday-Friday and dress up for work on Friday. I dressed up on Thursday at the dental office in these cute ghostie scrubs. Then on Saturday I dressed up at my work since we're not open on Sunday. If you are making a HUGE deal about the holidays being celebrated the day before because we live in Utah. Live somewhere else. Just Sayin'

My work costume: Bag of Jelly Belly's. I stole the idea from RuthAnn because mine and Tayler's costume was definitely a couple costume and we don't work together. The children LOVED me. Haha!


 Me and Wilbur. He was a Twinkie. If you couldn't tell by the big yellow costume.

 Mandy was Hermione. And we totally have a creeper in the background. HAHA!


Me and Tayler went to my friend's birthday/Halloween party when we both got off work. We were going to be Captain America and The Black Widow but I decided not to spend 60 bucks per costume. So instead. I opted to do a homemade costume.  We are Jack and Jill.

 Jack and Jill went up the hill
 to fetch a pail of water
 Jack fell down and broke his crown
 and Jill came tumbling after.



That was my Halloween fun. I had never dressed up with anybody else before for Halloween so that was fun to be a couple and share that together :) It just makes me excited to start having kids and dressing them up and taking them out trick or treating! I bought Olivia her Halloween costume this year. She was a strawberry. And THE cutest strawberry ever. Bradshaw was Buzz Lightyear. :) You can see pictures on Dustinn and Val's blog here.

The month of November is National Adoption Month for all of those that don't know that aren't associated with the adoption world. Mrs. R has given the challenge to post everyday for the month of November. I'm really going to try my hardest. Tomorrow, I'm going to have a really good post from her blog, actually. I read it and literally brought me to tears. I hope to have two guest bloggers this month and maybe do some spotlights. SO if you know anyone who is hoping to adopt send me an e-mail with their information and a little about them. Hook me up with their blog/profile and some pictures. Or even if it's YOU hoping to adopt. Do it! I want to do this for you. :) Sending my adoption LOOOOVE. My e-mail is in my about me or send me a facebook message.

And a week before Thanksgiving I was asked to do two high school presentations. :) At the high school that I attended! I'm excited to get this all started up again!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Happy Birthday!

So many birthdays just happened this week. They all just pooped on me. Yes, pooped.

My older sister just turned 30. Yep. We're 10 years apart! Happy birthday, R! :)

My sister in-law Taryn just turned 12! Happy birthday, sis!


And today is my best friend's birthday. Her name is Lauren. We've been friends since the 6th grade.

We have had some good times and have had some tough but you have always been there even when times got rough. Some friends come and go and some always remain. No matter if we change or stay the same. A true friend will always be ther no matter what the case. You have alwyas done that no matter what I faced. Please always know that whatever comes your way I will be a true friend for you until my dying day.

 Don't worry, this sweet handshake picture will be replaced. We got one at the wedding. Yeah. In my wedding dress. I can't wait!!

This is for all the late nights, playing in the creek, taking endless amounts of pictures, walking around at 2 in the morning in nothing but our underwear, getting in fights with our parents and staying at each others houses for weeks, going on walmart runs, jumping off my balcony, the laughs, the cries, the heartaches, being in plays and drama, that stupid elmo song you'd sing, skipping class, correcting all the U-tards and their grammar and pronunciation, driving without having a license, finding new friends through MSN, Myspace and Tagged, losing friendships and loved ones, dancing in the rain, going on roadtrips to the middle of no where, finding lost parks, being "B" sisters and many other things I could list. You've been there through thick and thin. You're my best friend to the very end. AWWWW CHEEEEEEESE PLEASE!

To being the bestest maid of honor and the bestest friend. I love you!! :)
I hope you have a wonderful 21st birthday and many more to come!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Busy.Busy.Busy.

This week has been SO hectic for me! Insanely. I feel like I haven't really had time to sit down and just have time to myself. I started a dental internship this week. And I definitely feel a lot more confident in my skills and that I did actually learn something. I hope that I will be able to find a dental job soon. Keep your eyes open for me :)

On Tuesday night, I went with my sister RuthAnn and some of her friends to the Ingrid Michaelson concert. Seriously. The best concert I've ever been to. Hands down. Fun fact. My first concert was Britney Spears. Huge fan. I about DIED when I found out Glee was doing a Britney Spears episode ;)

We waited in line for an hour to find out that the line we were waiting in was for the people who ordered online and I got my ticket in the mail. Before we got there, it was hailing and such. So it was FREEZING when were in line. But so worth it.

Ingrid is HILARIOUS. She dedicated a song to LeAnn Rimes because she made a shout out to her on Twitter. She said in her story, "It was like we went on a date and you don't know what to say at the end of the night." haha. She wouldn't cuss either. She said, "Holy.... chips... I'm in Salt Lake. I'm scared."

A few favorite songs:





Funny that I mentioned Britney Spears. For her "finale" song she did Toxic. Her story: You know those bands that say that they this is their last song and goodnight? They get off stage and leave. Then come back for an encore? Well, I don't have that sort of time. And I don't really want to go out into the cold. So we'll finish and hide on stage and act really surprised to see you guys." She then did Be OK. Then did a punk/rock version of The Way I Am and we moshed without the moshing. Haha. Just jammed out.

The end of the concert, it was SNOWING. Yeah. I'm not a happy person. The snow did melt the next day. I miss Florida :( haha.

Tayler has been sick this whole week :( I feel bad that I would have to get up early and disturb his sleep. He needs all that he can get. He's getting better. I just hope I don't get it.

Can I tell you how excited I am for tomorrow? We're having a costume contest at work. And then it's my best friend's birthday :) And me and Tayler are going to her birthday party and dressing up. We got a cute idea. Don't worry. I'll post pictures!

Also, Val e-mailed me about a week ago asking if I would be apart of a Q&A with her. And it happened. So check it out here!! It's a perspective of an Adoptive mom and a Birthmom on the same questions. It's awesome. I got really teary-eyed reading the whole thing. Val is a sweetheart! :) Love you guys!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Vent: I'm A Mean Girl

I'm not somebody you want to cross paths with when I'm angry. Some people think I'm too nice when I'm mean but that's because I don't like to hurt peoples feelings. Maybe because I know an apology must follow afterwards. I don't like sitting in a state of regret and stubborness. I like to just put it all out there. Maybe because the one time I didn't apologize when I should've, I have to live with it. And maybe that regret will always follow me. You all should know who I'm talking about. There's not a day that goes by that I  miss my best friend. There's been a girl at work that has now starting to love to quote Dane Cook. He's a comedian. Me and Jessica would ALWAYS quote him. Ironically, the same things she was quoting were Jessica's favorite jokes. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her.

Anyway, that's not what I was here to talk about in the first place. I did want to talk about and vent how much I really don't like adoptive parents who don't follow through what they say they're going to do. I'm not talking about Dustinn and Val. They're doing a perfect job. Just lately, there is a girl that I know. She has always had issues with this family on and off. But that's because the family had promised her an open adoption and because of the adoptive parents own insecurities, they want to close up the adoption.

I think adoptive families have found their cheat sheet to get a baby fast and easy. By saying they're going to have an open adoption. This isn't the first girl that I've encountered with this sort of situation.

I am not writing any names for privacy purposes.

The names involved:
friend.
adopted child...ac.
birthmom...bm.
friends sister.
mean girl...mg.

My friend posted on her status: So apparently, I didn't "give them my baby, it was Heavenly Father and she was always meant to be theirs." That's what the adoptive dad said to my mom. Placing a child is hard enough but if they aren't going to be grateful for placing our children with them, they shouldn't adopt!

Adopted Child *I'm paraphrasing this part*: They are right, friend. This is all Heavenly Father's plan. You were meant to help them. I'm so grateful for my biological parents for giving me up to my new parents. I think that's what God wanted my real mom to do. Even though, my real mom (who is LDS and a bit crazy, hehe) I still love her. But I love my new family because I am sealed to them.

Friend: That's not right, AC. I gave them my child, not Heavenly Father. Heavenly Father gave me a child and I felt the promptings to place especially since I was not in the right place. So it was ME, not Heavenly Father. It was MY choice, she was MY baby, and I wanted to give her everything so I placed her on MY OWN TERMS.

Birthmom: @AC... I don't know your story and I am sure you LOVE your adoptive family and yes, you're sealed but don't assume that Heavenly Father just used us birth moms as a tool to bless another's life and devastate our own.

[Birthmom also wrote a status: Disappointed with a select genre of Adoptive couples right now.....WHY is it so hard for you to respect and honor the promises you gave your birthmoms before you got what YOU wanted. It's not hard to understand that we can't have PEACE without all the PIECES. We are not dumb. We know YOU'RE the MOM we just need peace.......so try and give it and maybe we'll leave you the HELL alone like you wanted all along.]

Friend's Sister: Yeah, seriously. AC, you place a baby then you can tell us who is right.

AC: @BM- I'm not assuming anything. I'm grateful to my biological parents. They gave me the best gift in the world- a loving family who raised me with the best of everything, because they weren't able to. Yes,  I'm sure it was a hard decision, that takes HUGE AMOUNTS of courage and I have major respect for mothers who made the decision to give up their child for a better life and that's just it- when you give up your child for adoption, the new parents then get to decide what is best for their child. Yes, I think it's unfair that, Friend, doesn't get to see her baby, but surely baby's new parents wouldn't be doing it out of hatred or bitterness. They probably think it's best for baby. I'm just speaking from experiences as to being in the adopted child's shoes. I didn't mean to upset anyone

@Friend's sister- That's the thing though- I would NEVER put myself in a situation where I'd have to play my baby up for adoption. I would NEVER bring a soul into this world unless I was 100% certain I could give him/her the best of everything. That's the beauty of living the Gospel though! :) Love and blessings to everyone- Smile <3

Mean Girl: Wow. A bit insensitive much? I understand that you would never put yourself in that situation but think about the girls who have been. Who have not intentionally put themselves there, the could be the girls you go to church with every Sunday and sit next to you everyday. Clearly, knowing Friend and BM and I'm sure Friend's sister and myself went through LDS Family Serivces. We also know the Gospel. But really? What's best for baby is not to see her own birthmom? You are just an adopted child. Never been a birthmom or an adoptive parent. I know you're entitled to your own opinion but you shouldn't enlist your own perspective unless you've been there. I'm sure someday when my daughter is older I will be grateful that she won't want to take the same path as I did. But everything you pointed out was almost a kick in the face. I'm sorry that us, birthmoms, didn't follow the path of righteousness which led us to a consequence. Everything we do has consequences. Good and bad. And luckily, we have the atonement and we can repent and learn from our mistakes. I'm sorry, us birthmoms, did everything we could to give you a good life and just for a little bit in return, we can spend some time and get to see the child we loved for and carried for 9 months and gave birth to. I'm sorry that's too much to ask for. If I were you, I just wouldn't comment anymore on this topic unless you're a little bit more educated in this subject.

AC: Those who have not intentionally put themselves in that kind of situation? The only exceptions are victims of rape. Everyone else INTENTIONALLY puts themselves in situations, whether or not you're willing to admit it. One, subconciously,  makes the decision to go to a party, drink, sleep with a random person, etc! Believe it or not, there are these things called morning-after pills that one can take to prevent pregnancy when one knows one is not ready to have a baby. One falls into temptation knowing full well what the consequences are, yet still follows through with it, why? For temporary pleasure? I'm nowhere near perfect and have made my fair share of mistakes... but you're right! What do I know? I'm just an "adopted child" who's feelings shouldn't be taken into consideration. It's only the birthmother's emotional state that should be accounted for. When I was growing up (which is the same kind of thing your daughter will go through) my birthmother visited me every month and it was always awkward. How can she give me up "out of love, because she didn't have enough money to raise me and at the time it was the right thing to do" and then expect to be part of my life? Like it was her God-given right to just visit me when she pleased? You want to talk about kicks in the face? Every one of my birthmother's visits was like a kick in the face. Here was a woman who carried me for 9 months, who was in labor for 3 days giving birth to me and the next day, she's signing ME away- HER creation. So what if she didn't have enough money to raise me? Nothing is impossible when one is willing to make things work. I would've been content with bread and water, as long as I knew that she loved me enough never to give me up. That wasn't the case though, so why would I want her to give me up, only to intrude in my new life? I already have a mother, I didn't need another one. You talk of education? Educate yourself with this: Your daughter is fine and is better off without you. :)"

I'm going to continue being the mean girl that I am because I'm in tears right now. I was in a lot of rage earlier. But what I've said was also hurtful. I would've never talked to Olivia like that. But because I am in my over protective state that I feel like I should be right. There I was being the smart-A that I am. I'm sure I deserved every single thing that was said. Or maybe I didn't, I don't know. But here I go, defending myself. One more time.

Please, don't use the words. "Giving up or gave away or put up." I did NONE of those things. I PLACED Olivia in the loving arms of a new mom. Those words cut like knives. It sounded like I had no soul and I didn't care one damn thing about Olivia and I care for her more than anything in this world. Those are the most negative words in the adoption world.


breaking down everything that ac said...

"Those who have not intentionally put themselves in that kind of situation? The only exceptions are victims of rape. Everyone else INTENTIONALLY puts themselves in situations, whether or not you're willing to admit it. One, subconciously,  makes the decision to go to a party, drink, sleep with a random person, etc! Believe it or not, there are these things called morning-after pills that one can take to prevent pregnancy when one knows one is not ready to have a baby. One falls into temptation knowing full well what the consequences are, yet still follows through with it, why? For temporary pleasure? I'm nowhere near perfect and have made my fair share of mistakes... but you're right!"

I knew everyting single thing I was doing back then. I never thought what I did was right in any moment in time. I never intentionally gave myself an unplanned pregnancy. Hence, UNPLANNED. It was never UNWANTED. I was completely sober when I was pregnant with Olivia. I took the right precautions and was on birth control. I'm sorry that I got an allergic reaction to penicillen and took antibiotics that cancelled out my birth control. I'm sorry that I thought I was being completely safe and I wasn't. Which I thought, the morning after pill was not needed. I had not been an active member in the Church since I was 15 years old. I wasn't thinking about temptations and things. It was something I became accustomed to. I knew what my consequences were if I were to follow this path and i was fully aware and I acknowledge it. I didn't go into it blindly thinking, "Oh, I will never have a baby from sex." I knew it could happen and I did what I could and I'm sorry that God has other plans for me.

"What do I know? I'm just an "adopted child" who's feelings shouldn't be taken into consideration. It's only the birthmother's emotional state that should be accounted for."

I know what I said was insensitive. I know that this whole process doesn't just effect the adoptive mom and the birth mom. It is always and was meant for the baby being involved. This is exactly what I didn't want. The baby to be thrown back and forth from family to family. But am I doing that now?

"When I was growing up (which is the same kind of thing your daughter will go through) my birthmother visited me every month and it was always awkward. How can she give me up "out of love, because she didn't have enough money to raise me and at the time it was the right thing to do" and then expect to be part of my life? Like it was her God-given right to just visit me when she pleased? You want to talk about kicks in the face? Every one of my birthmother's visits was like a kick in the face. Here was a woman who carried me for 9 months, who was in labor for 3 days giving birth to me and the next day, she's signing ME away- HER creation. So what if she didn't have enough money to raise me? Nothing is impossible when one is willing to make things work. I would've been content with bread and water, as long as I knew that she loved me enough never to give me up."

Oops. My bad. Let me just go back in time and fix this all up right? When you were talking about how you were so grateful for all these things about your birthparents placing your for adoption with this wonderful family. Where is all this gratefulness now? Now everything is our fault? Because we wanted what was best for you. Because we created you and broke our own heart to give you what you love most in your life? Your NEW family? That we can just be shoved under the rug because we lived our purpose in life we don't get anymore credibility than that? I'm sorry that you don't understand the love for a child and having to tear your own heart up and give up your own title as a mom to somebody else. That it didn't break us to our core and left us wounded, stranded, broken-hearted with the little bit of peace that we have left is that you're with a family that will take care of you. And that the other peace that we want is to know that it's been followed through and that you're the happiest that you could be. And we have to tell ourselves over and over again that it wasn't us that couldn't provide you that happiness- it had to be somebody else. Will you please tell me that wasn't enough? I think it takes a lot more love to break yourself then to keep yourself whole.

and think about it, your birthmom kept you alive. she couldve made the decision to have an abortion and we wouldnt be here having this conversation. clearly, she loved you enough to bring you into this world and give you this new life that you cherish.

"That wasn't the case though, so why would I want her to give me up, only to intrude in my new life? I already have a mother, I didn't need another one."

I'm sorry that you didn't want more people in your life to love you. Hello, double the presents at your birthday and christmas!

"You talk of education? Educate yourself with this: Your daughter is fine and is better off without you. :)"

My heart hurts too much to continue after that one and I can't continue typing looking at a blurred computer screen.

I'm confused.
I may or may not delete this.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Adoption & Marriage

I've always wondered what it would be like when I was married if I would still be involved with my adoption over time. And you know, I am. I e-mail Val and Dustinn and it's a continuing friendship. I have also wondered since I did presentations for high schools and have done some panels if I would ever do that after I was married. And I got to today. :) The first time since being married my caseworker texted me and asked me if I would like to be at the expectant parent group and tell my story.

In the expectant parent group, there are a variety of girls who are placing, have placed, are parenting, or undecided. They come to this group to find support and it's always good to be with girls who have been there or know what you're going through. I first went there in March 2009. Probably one of the greatest experiences I've ever had in any sort of "therapy" group. I have met so many amazing girls and we have become very close friends. If I ever post anything on Facebook about adoption, you know they'll be one of the first girls to comment and I love how much of a bond there is with these girls. It's like an unspoken of bond with girls who have placed. We may not all have the same stories but we have all experienced the same kind of hurt and gone through the same sort of thing.

I love telling my story. Obviously, I have a blog. I love being able to paint a new picture of adoption. If you were to ask somebody what they though about adoption. They would probably say, "A white family with a black baby." Or "A drug addict mom who doesn't want her kids and the state makes them give their baby away."

Everyone's story is so unique. I love being on panels with other girls to hear their stories. You can only tell your own story so much. Haha. Nah. I could never get sick of it. But meeting new people is amazing. I knew one girl previously to the panel and I didn't know the two other girls. I knew OF one of the girls too. There were 3 other girls with me and we all just really clicked immediately. I love panels like that.

Tayler had never listened to me give a presentation or do a panel before, so this was his first time. Earlier today, I had a pretty big meltdown. I've begun the process of finding a new job or atleast start training at a dental office. I'm going to get trained up for a week, that atleast gets my foot in the door. I've just been so discouraged about finding a job. It's so scary but I want to be able to sell myself as a dental assistant not just a student. Because I'm not a student anymore. I graduated. But I feel like I need more experience. I'm just excited to start something new but so nervous. But I'm just my own worst critic. I always feel like I could do better or I'm not good enough. I wish I was as confident as I am with my adoption panels as I am with my dental assisting.

It felt good to do a panel today after all of that craziness. And it feels good to just blog and let my feelings out. Some girls after group asked Tayler some questions because they think it's amazing that he's so understanding and supportive about the adoption. Tayler and I went to Olive Garden after the panel and we just talked about adoption and what we wanted for the future.

He said it was weird for him that girls thought that he was this great guy because he doesn't feel like it. *When he would say something or I would mention what he'd do. They would be like, "That's the example that there are good guys out there." I was telling him, I am one of those girls. (He also thought it was cool to see that I wasn't just the only girl out there. He knows that there are more girls who are birthmoms than he isn't aware of. But he had only heard my story.) When I hear about you talk about Olivia or see you with her there are just stars in my eyes because I couldn't ask for anything more. I knew what I wanted in a guy was a respectful guy and someone who will love me for me and will be able to understand and be okay with the adoption. And he's above and beyond my expectations in a guy. Those girls want that in a guy, like me, they probably didn't have such a great guy in their life to be with them. Obviously, they're at group by themselves. I don't know. Maybe their baby daddy's were busy and couldn't make it. But I remember being one of those girls that I didn't think I was going to find somebody who was going to be okay with the fact that the daughter that I placed for adoption is in my life and is going to be. I never imagined that that guy came into my life so quickly and was so accepting of everything. Which made it so easy to fall in love with him. ;)

One of the girls was also recently married. She was saying that her husband thinks it's great that she has a relationship with her birthdaughter. But he's not sure if he wants a relationship with her because I guess it's sort of the past thing that he can't get over. That she had a baby with somebody else. I'm not sure what Tayler said to her because I didn't want to hover over and be a creeper.

Of course, this is a rambling post. We talked about our future children. I told him what I wanted. That I do want our kids to grow up knowing about Olivia. If Olivia gets to grow up knowing that she's adopted. How is that fair to our kids that at some random age they have a sister that they didn't know about or grew up with? And he agreed and said we'll teach our kids at a young age about adoption. We're so blessed and so lucky to have an open adoption. I told him what a girl does since she has a closed adoption that she has a cake on his birthday with her kids. And Tayler says to me, "We can always Skype." Thank you iPod/Facebook/Skype generation, you ROCK!

Wrapping up the blog post, I'm so incredibly blessed to have a husband who is so understanding and accepting. Even though I'm not a perfect person and I make a lot of mistakes- past, present and future- he'll always be by my side supporting me. And I'll always do the same for him. I'm lucky to have an open adoption and such a close friendship with Dustinn and Val. That I will still be able to watch Olivia grow up and become an amazing young lady. :)

Lots of love.
Recent pictures of Olivia Kate. I asked Val to send me some recent ones. She already looks SO grown up from the last time I saw her and it's only been a month!


Now, I must continue my date night.
We're going to watch How To Train A Dragon.
 I've heard many good things about it. I'm excited. :)


 

If anyone would like to ask any questions about the adoption or just anything. Ask me here.
Right now, my birth control is a hot topic. HA.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Random Thoughts

I was just thinking the other day. When I was falling asleep Tayler was tickling my back and telling me how much and why he loved me. I have an adorable husband. That's all I have to say :) But something he said really made me think.

He said, "I love (or married) you because I want you to be the mother of my children."


 I hope this post will all make sense in a minute. Me and Tayler are not planning on having kids right away. We're waiting until he's done with school or whenever the Lord says it's time for us to have a baby :) But I was thinking. You know, I had a baby. Surprise, surprise.

He didn't love me because I was a mother.
He didn't love me because I had a child.
He didn't love me because I was the mother his child.
(Contrary to popular belief. Tayler is NOT Olivia's bithfather. You can go back to the beginning of my blog and figure that one out.)

He loved me because he WANTS me to be the mother of his children.

You know, I watch Teen Mom and you see all the teenagers all plan their wedding and it's not because they WANT to get married to each other. They want to be married because they are going to have a baby. Not something so great to start a marriage off with. (P.S. I'm also not saying that babies aren't a great way to start off a marriage. It's not that great to start off a marriage by only getting married because of the baby. If you were planning on getting married before you got pregnant. All power to  you.)And not that the marriages even go through on there example- Ryan & Maci. or Gary & Amber- Don't even get me started with that HOT mess. But I'll be honest. I was one of those girls. I wanted to get married because I was having a baby. I'm not looking at that situation saying, "Oh. I feel sorry for you." There should be many other reasons to be married not just because you're carrying your lover's child or because you created a child. I know I should've worked on that logic almost two years ago when I found out when I was pregnant. Jeez. I can't believe it will be two years in January. Time really has just flown by.

I look back and I think about it sometimes. Just sometimes. If I did get married just because I was having a baby with Olivia's birthfather. He could clearly see the future better than I could but he already knew that he didn't want to marry me before I went back and told him I was pregnant. We broke up for a reason. I didn't understand it at the time but I get it now. I know we have both moved on to what we know is something better than what would've/could've been.

Olivia has a mom and a dad. Not just a mom and a dad that she sees on the weekends. Olivia is apart of an eternal family. I could've given that to her, but when? I didn't know the answer. I still don't. I wouldn't have met Tayler if I parented Olivia. I joined LDS singles as a joke after having Olivia to have fun and have some sort of distraction and meet knew people instead of staying in the guck of my past.

I didn't want to deny that to Olivia. I know some of you believe I "settled for less" because I didn't get married in the Temple. When the person that I live with reminds me and tells me everyday how much they can't wait to take me to the Temple in less than a year. You can tell me that I settled for less, now. Please. I'm waiting. Seriously. I don't want to deny that happiness and eternal part of a family to any of my children.

I didn't just marry Tayler because I was a mother.
I didn't just marry Tayler because I had a child.
I didn't just marry Tayler because I wanted to have a baby anytime soon.

I married him because I know he'll be the greatest father to our children.

It started when I was pregnant that I knew what was best for my children. It has never stopped. I wanted what was best for Olivia. I gave her a mom, a dad and a brother. I gave her a whole home. I gave her an eternal family. I still wants what best for her because I love her. That will never stop. It will never stop for my own children. I still am thinking of what is best for them. If I didn't think Tayler was the best, I wouldn't have married him. But he's the best out there and I love him so much. I can't wait for him to take me to the Temple someday to be sealed and to be an eternal family to start having babies and to be with eachother, eternally. Instead of holding onto my babies in the hospital and crying because of our departure. I'll be in the hospital holding onto dear life and never letting them go. Because I did what I could. I gave them a mom and a dad. I will be giving them siblings. They will all be apart of an eternal family.

God knows what's up.
He will never give you a trial that you can't overcome.
He will give you a trial because He knows you're strong enough.
You will feel weak but God will give you faith.
God works in mysterious ways.
But I love Him for it.

I'm really procrastinating cleaning my apartment.
It sounds like we're really messy people but once we had our open house- our apartment turned into a tornado again. Yes. Cleaning it is.

Sorry for my huge rambling session.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Olivia's Birthday

Here we go with the massive blog posts.

I made Tayler stay up with me until midnight to sing happy birthday to Olivia. We made a video on Val's facebook. It seemed so surreal. I woke up and just went through my mind hour by hour what I would've been doing a year ago. But I wasn't sad. I was very happy with everything and where I was in that moment. I had found a family for Olivia. I found love.

My sister Erika was visiting with her family. They live in Oregon. I visited them about a month after I had Olivia so it was close to a year since I had seen them. They were here for my wedding and she was my videographer :)

Val had gotten up really early with Olivia and Bradshaw to get on a plane to Utah and they didn't get much of a nap so Olivia was so cranky. She didn't really want to be held by anyone but Val. Before you ask, it's not hard. I chose that. If I wanted her to come to me, I would've parented.



The funny thing was that she would go to TAYLER. Haha. Seriously. She would reach for him. It makes me feel a lot better to know that she's okay with that I married such an awesome guy ;)



This is who was in attendance of Olivia's birthday:


- Val, Bradshaw & Olivia (of course)
- Val's sister
- My parents
- Erika and her family
- Me and Tayler
- Nic and Jordyn
- Nic's younger sister
- Nic's brother and sister in-law


I think it's really neat that both sides of her birthfamily could be there to celebrate her birthday :) We sang happy birthday and she just dove into her cake and was not afraid to get messy, that's my girl!

Birthmommy love
Birthdaddy love
Momma & Daddy love

We went around and said what we each loved about Olivia.


I'm quoting from Jordyn's blog of what some people have said.


"I love the way that Olivia eats her cake. It's magnificant!"

"I love Olivia because she's the most beautiful birthdaughter ever!" *me



"I love Olivia because she's so happy and that's a good sign for my future children."
(Congrats N & J)



"I love Olivia because of her big blue eyes!"



"I love Olivia because she must be one special spirit to have so many people love her."
(I though that was SO sweet!)


"I love Olivia because she changed my life."

I know Olivia has changed my life. I feel as though I say it all the time but she's my inspiration and motivation. She makes me want to be better for her. She is a fabulous little girl and I'm so glad I got to share her first birthday with her and her family. (We missed you, Dustinn!) I'm so glad that she has been able to bless so many peoples lives, including mine. This was a perfect birthday for a perfect girl and there will be many more to come.


I spoiled her and got her so many cute clothes. I got a halloween costume for her, a strawberry! I got her a little stuffed animal pony and a book.

I love you, Livia :)



Next post:

Wedding.

The internet in our apartment isn't too great so that's why it's taking me SO long.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Kittysitting


We are back from our honeymoon and it was fabulous :) :)
Thanks for all the good lucks/best wishes/congrats/etc.
My friend is in the process of moving into a new apartment. So we are watching her kitten for about a month. Molly is her name and she is the most playful little thing. Sort of a trial run to see if we're ready for kids ;) haha. If we enjoy having this little one we might possibly might adopt a kitten. Or maybe just have a baby! Jk. Not yet. Even though everyone and their mom is freaking pregnant. This needs to stop. I'm next! Kthanks! Haha.
Next post will be Olivia's birthday.
Then the wedding and honeymoon.
And possibly some apartment pictures.
I hope you all enjoy the blog makeover!