Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Adoption & Marriage

I've always wondered what it would be like when I was married if I would still be involved with my adoption over time. And you know, I am. I e-mail Val and Dustinn and it's a continuing friendship. I have also wondered since I did presentations for high schools and have done some panels if I would ever do that after I was married. And I got to today. :) The first time since being married my caseworker texted me and asked me if I would like to be at the expectant parent group and tell my story.

In the expectant parent group, there are a variety of girls who are placing, have placed, are parenting, or undecided. They come to this group to find support and it's always good to be with girls who have been there or know what you're going through. I first went there in March 2009. Probably one of the greatest experiences I've ever had in any sort of "therapy" group. I have met so many amazing girls and we have become very close friends. If I ever post anything on Facebook about adoption, you know they'll be one of the first girls to comment and I love how much of a bond there is with these girls. It's like an unspoken of bond with girls who have placed. We may not all have the same stories but we have all experienced the same kind of hurt and gone through the same sort of thing.

I love telling my story. Obviously, I have a blog. I love being able to paint a new picture of adoption. If you were to ask somebody what they though about adoption. They would probably say, "A white family with a black baby." Or "A drug addict mom who doesn't want her kids and the state makes them give their baby away."

Everyone's story is so unique. I love being on panels with other girls to hear their stories. You can only tell your own story so much. Haha. Nah. I could never get sick of it. But meeting new people is amazing. I knew one girl previously to the panel and I didn't know the two other girls. I knew OF one of the girls too. There were 3 other girls with me and we all just really clicked immediately. I love panels like that.

Tayler had never listened to me give a presentation or do a panel before, so this was his first time. Earlier today, I had a pretty big meltdown. I've begun the process of finding a new job or atleast start training at a dental office. I'm going to get trained up for a week, that atleast gets my foot in the door. I've just been so discouraged about finding a job. It's so scary but I want to be able to sell myself as a dental assistant not just a student. Because I'm not a student anymore. I graduated. But I feel like I need more experience. I'm just excited to start something new but so nervous. But I'm just my own worst critic. I always feel like I could do better or I'm not good enough. I wish I was as confident as I am with my adoption panels as I am with my dental assisting.

It felt good to do a panel today after all of that craziness. And it feels good to just blog and let my feelings out. Some girls after group asked Tayler some questions because they think it's amazing that he's so understanding and supportive about the adoption. Tayler and I went to Olive Garden after the panel and we just talked about adoption and what we wanted for the future.

He said it was weird for him that girls thought that he was this great guy because he doesn't feel like it. *When he would say something or I would mention what he'd do. They would be like, "That's the example that there are good guys out there." I was telling him, I am one of those girls. (He also thought it was cool to see that I wasn't just the only girl out there. He knows that there are more girls who are birthmoms than he isn't aware of. But he had only heard my story.) When I hear about you talk about Olivia or see you with her there are just stars in my eyes because I couldn't ask for anything more. I knew what I wanted in a guy was a respectful guy and someone who will love me for me and will be able to understand and be okay with the adoption. And he's above and beyond my expectations in a guy. Those girls want that in a guy, like me, they probably didn't have such a great guy in their life to be with them. Obviously, they're at group by themselves. I don't know. Maybe their baby daddy's were busy and couldn't make it. But I remember being one of those girls that I didn't think I was going to find somebody who was going to be okay with the fact that the daughter that I placed for adoption is in my life and is going to be. I never imagined that that guy came into my life so quickly and was so accepting of everything. Which made it so easy to fall in love with him. ;)

One of the girls was also recently married. She was saying that her husband thinks it's great that she has a relationship with her birthdaughter. But he's not sure if he wants a relationship with her because I guess it's sort of the past thing that he can't get over. That she had a baby with somebody else. I'm not sure what Tayler said to her because I didn't want to hover over and be a creeper.

Of course, this is a rambling post. We talked about our future children. I told him what I wanted. That I do want our kids to grow up knowing about Olivia. If Olivia gets to grow up knowing that she's adopted. How is that fair to our kids that at some random age they have a sister that they didn't know about or grew up with? And he agreed and said we'll teach our kids at a young age about adoption. We're so blessed and so lucky to have an open adoption. I told him what a girl does since she has a closed adoption that she has a cake on his birthday with her kids. And Tayler says to me, "We can always Skype." Thank you iPod/Facebook/Skype generation, you ROCK!

Wrapping up the blog post, I'm so incredibly blessed to have a husband who is so understanding and accepting. Even though I'm not a perfect person and I make a lot of mistakes- past, present and future- he'll always be by my side supporting me. And I'll always do the same for him. I'm lucky to have an open adoption and such a close friendship with Dustinn and Val. That I will still be able to watch Olivia grow up and become an amazing young lady. :)

Lots of love.
Recent pictures of Olivia Kate. I asked Val to send me some recent ones. She already looks SO grown up from the last time I saw her and it's only been a month!

Now, I must continue my date night.
We're going to watch How To Train A Dragon.
 I've heard many good things about it. I'm excited. :)


If anyone would like to ask any questions about the adoption or just anything. Ask me here.
Right now, my birth control is a hot topic. HA.


  1. Olivia is looking so grown up. But beautiful as always. I do think that Taylor is very mature for his age and seems to have a very good understanding of adoption and Olivia. My husband is much older and finally he is getting better but mostly I think he has just learned not to talk to much. :)

  2. I LOVE how to train your dragon!! :) Hope you enjoyed it.

  3. Hahaa. Oops. I made a typo. I said how to train a dragon instead of your. But I LOVED it. I want a toothless. :)