I always seem to run out of titles. I don't want to put something so obvious that you already know what my blog would be about then you wouldn't read it!
I'm still semi-sick. I ended up having to call my OB/GYN and the nurse called back and gave me a prescription for anti-nausea medicine because I was having a hard time keeping everything down. I couldn't even hold down water. I didn't even have bad morning sickness at all my first trimester. Then all of a sudden I'm sick. But my little sister did have the flu. So I probably caught some of that. But I'm getting better and hope to be well on my feet on Monday for work and school.
Well, I went to my group yesterday. It was a single parent panel and so single parents came and talked to us and answered questions. One girl was 16 the other was in her 20's.
Let's see. After the group, I talked to my caseworker, Loni. And so it's official that me, her, and N are meeting tomorrow for a session. But I am scared out of my mind! I asked her what everything they talked about and stuff. And I guess he didn't really say a lot. He asked her if I was going to single parent. And she told him I was looking at that but wasn't for sure. Then asked him what he would do if I did that. And he said that he would help pay money but he probably wouldn't ever want visitation. Loni thinks he's pretty much settled on that, even after the baby is born. She doesn't think he'll change his mind. But I broke out in tears when I heard her say that. It just hurts my heart that he would do that to his own child. Basically, feel like the only responsibility he has is to pay child support.
I mean, what do I say tomorrow without getting mad at him just walking out? I guess he told her he feels bad about jumping ship but he feels like he won't be a good father. Well, especially cause he started working at Wal*Mart in January and still wants to go back to school. Yes, he wants a family and to get married but not anytime soon. I just don't want him to regret later when he does get married and have a family and his wife goes through it. I don't want him to think of how much he missed out.
There's days where it's hard for me to be excited to have a baby. And those are the toughest to try to make it through the day.
I honestly don't know what to say tomorrow to him. I'm just going to have to pray lots for the next few hours to find the right words to say without being angry. :/
Wish me luck and maybe a few prayers would be nice! Ha.
Don't judge my journey until you've walked my path.