Monday, April 6, 2009


Okay, we're going to be moving off the baby subject. Lately, I have been so grouchy towards everyone. I have felt unmotivated to do anything. I got sick and didn't go to class or my externship. So all I've been doing is trying to not think about finishing school or not wanting to because it feels like it'll take forever to get done! Then on top of that I have to think about getting pregnant and being reminded everyday that I am. I've told my friends to just pretend I'm not for the day or something because I don't want to think about my baby growing up in this messed up world. Ugh.

Today I didn't go to my extern, someone made me stay up really late last night! Ha. So I thought about going to West Ridge (it's the school I graduated from) and seeing people but there was only one or two people I would see that I knew. It's near Salt Lake. :[ I'll just have to visit them soon. I ended up calling one of my friends from West Ridge who had her baby about two months ago. I would post pictures of her baby but I don't think she wants them posted for the whole world to see, people would be jealous. ;]

Then afterwards I applied for a job at Western Wats, it's a call center. But I'm thinking I'll be huge soon and I don't think I want to be up and running around at the Dubs (it's a fast food place where I work now) being 8 months pregnant! But I could change my mind.

I went to school at 6. And I've been dreading going to school because I've been feeling like it's taking forever to get done and that I'll never finish. I'm supposed to have 450 classroom hours and 300 extern hours. An externship is an unpaid internship. I have 12 for observation hours. Then I started on the 23rd of March at my general dentist's office. Altogether I have 32 hours (I've been sick for the last week, okay! And unmotivated! HA). So I have 10% of my hours done. I have to have half of my hours at a general dentist and half at a specialty. The specialty I am choosing is...

I was going to do pediatric dentist but that's the same hours of a general dentist and if I keep my baby, I'm probably not going to be happy seeing my baby 6 weeks straight to not seeing it at all for 9 hours. And at an orthodontics office it's slow in the morning and more concentrated on one patient because they're either putting on or taking off braces. Then in the afternoon you're just debanding and re-adjusting wires (I'm sure it's a harder job then it sounds but I'll make it work). So I've been thinking to work in the afternoon because time goes by faster and they need more people working around that time. And I think it'd be perfect. And I think I'm also excited to do it because we did a LONG chapter tonight on Orthodontics.

I figured out my hours and I only go Monday-Thursday each week to school and it's 4 hours a night. I've been doing that since August. And I've had like 140 hours from last year. So it SAVED me. We figured out my hours and started tomorrow is the countdown when I'm done with school. 10 more days! Can I just list the days I have school? It just makes me excited to write it out :] April 7-9. 13-15. (16th is spring break) 20-23. And I'm DONE!!! YAY!!!

So after the 23rd I can start working nights at the Dubs and make more money, save, and pay off my car debt, (and my ticket). Yep, I got a stop sign violation ticket last Wednesday. Incredible. I did a rolling stop. I just looked to see if anyone was coming so they weren't so I went and there was a cop hiding in the dark. YES. I LOVE them. This was my 2nd time being pulled over. My first time was because my license plate light was out and I was FREAKING out. It was my first time ever being pulled over and I didn't know why. Yep. The 2nd time I was more chill. But I got a ticket. :[

Anyway, so with my extern hours I'll probably try and find an ortho office on Wednesday after my doctors appointment. I will work in the mornings for my general dentist from 8-lunch (around 1) Then work at the ortho office from 2-4 (or 5 until their last patient) and do that Monday-Thursday. Incredibleeeeeee.

I feel a lot more happy and motivated to know almost everything is done and coming into place. I figured out that if I did monday through wednesday 8-5 I would be done with my hours the beginning of July. But adding on an extra day I'll probably done by mid June. Between the week of the 22-25 I should be done. I totally just figured that out. Ha. I'm so lame.

Anyway, I did take some new pictures of my belly at 16 weeks. :]

I've been sick so I'm skinnier :[

I was listening to Dawson McAllister last night on 97.1 and he said something that sounded pretty real and true to me. He said, "We're wired to carry other peoples burdens besides our own." That's pretty much me. I try to help other people out as much as I can, or sometimes I don't even try to. I said that quote to someone today and they said, "Can I just disconnect you somehow so you can be happy all the time?" I like to put peoples happiness before my own happiness and that's what gets me feeling stuck most of the time.

I think that's how I feel with this whole situation with N. I get all the time, it's YOUR decision with YOUR baby. N doesn't have to be involved at all. But if people ever saw N the way I do, it hurts him to not know how to be involved. So I try as much as I can to make him be involved and put him first when I need to do other things first. :/

Don't judge my journey until you've walked my path.


  1. I like how you said you were not going to focus on the baby and you still kind of did. Ha. Nice plan for being done. I can't believe you are unmotivated when you will be done with school SOOO SOON! I guess it always helps to figure out the actual dates and write it down. That's what has motivated me to get out of debt... Even though it'll take me much longer than you finishing school. I always thought it would be cool to be an orthodontist assistant.

    And dude, Nic has basically turned his back on you. Sure he still wants to do what's right for the baby, but he has no interest in YOU. So you need to stop worrying about his FEELINGS. Get over him. And this is me taking on your burdens and trying to help.

  2. Yeah, I guess it's just hard for me because I'm a girl. Duh. Emotionally attached to the boy that I'm going to be having his kid? Ha. That sentence didn't make much sense.
    It's hard for me to push away my feelings and say I want him to be involved for the baby. But I do see it sometimes I do it for me. I don't like going to doctors appointments alone. I would like some support.

    I did not focus that much. But I said I was unmotivated before. But now I'm not. I'm at school right now :]

  3. Yes, it's easy for me to say get over him. It's still the best thing you can do for yourself. Sucks.