Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Yes, I know I've been slacking in the blog department these days. I've been preoccupied as of talking to my wonderful boyfriend aka Tayler. Or trying to plan trips to see him. And working really hard to make money. Also a lot of family drama going on as well.I've really been struggling to think about what I should write. I guess I'll kind of update you on the holidays. So when Olivia was out here I got to see her on the 17, 23, 27, and on the 4.

The 17th I had to work earlier that day and I guess I just asked for the wrong day off. And so they came over when I got off of work and we just kind of chilled. Dustinn and Val had to pick their family up from the airport so just only for a few hours.

The 23rd, we went to the mall. Me and Olivia got pictures with Santa.

On the 27, they came over and we had dinner with my family. I got to see Olivia roll over and see lots of big smiles. She is seriously SO grown up.
I had a comment made to me that was, "That's what baby's do. They grow up."
Thank you Mr. Insensitive.
When you get to see your daughter 3 months after she's born. It's a given that she'll grow up. But it's different that I don't get to watch it everyday. I didn't get to see her first big smile. I didn't get to see her roll over for the first time. I won't be able to hear her first real laugh.

It's a shock. The first time since they were out here when she was born. I tried holding her like a newborn and she would just stiffen up. I couldn't hold her like a newborn. She didn't like that anymore. At times, I wish I had my newborn Olivia back just so I can hold her and cuddle with her. I do now. But it's just going to be different every time.

I went out to Boise for New Years. I flew out on New Years Eve. Tayler had to work that night so his roommate picked me up from the airport. He made a sign that said, "Mrs. Stefanie Despain." He came over to me and asked, "Is this you?"
Maybe in the future. Ha.

So I hung out with his roommate and his girlfriend and there was this party put on by the institute at BSU. There were a ton of things going on. They had two dance floors, bowling, pool, just random things. I got cotton candy. Probably the best thing of the night.
Tayler didn't get off work until 1. His roommate dropped me off at his work and that's when I got my New Years kiss. Woohoo.
We stayed up until about 4. We watched Paranormal Activity. He couldn't sleep at all that night, he says.

I'm having a really bad memory right now.

I know on New Years Day that Tayler had to work at 4. We went out to lunch and then we went grocery shopping. I made them dinner two nights that I was out there. New Years Day I made meatloaf.

The next day Tayler had work off and we went out to Olive Garden then went back to his apartment. We also went to his roommate's brothers house and played Rock Band and Phase 10.

On Sunday, I went to Tayler's singles ward and met his bishop. I also bore my testimony in relief society. I couldn't do it in front of everyone. I got too nervous.
I made stew for dinner that night. And we played Cranium and watched Tough Love.

Monday we flew back out to Utah together. Actually, not really together. The flight was REALLY crowded so he sat at one of the end of the plane and I sat at the other end.
Tayler got to meet Dustinn, Val, and Olivia. And it was magical.
The 4th was also a magical day since Boise State beat TCU in the Fiesta Bowl! Go Broncos! ;)

He's very proud of the fact that he was able to get her to go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure she likes him.

Playing Ta-Ra-Ra

I know you want all the magical details about Tayler. I feel really blessed to have met Tayler and have him in my life.
I look back at a year ago today. I would just barely be getting over my break up with Nic. We broke up on January 10, 2009. I didn't even realize it until January 12. It's been a whole entire YEAR.
I never would've thought that I would be the person that I am today and a lot of it has to do with Olivia and how much she has impacted my life. Just from Nic, that one experience of getting pregnant, I have a closer relationship with God and I'm excited to think about having an eternal family of my own. I get excited thinking about that day. I get excited for the day that I'll be married to the love of my life and it will be for eternity- not just until death do us part.

One night I was just having a really bad night. And Tayler just says to me out of the blue, "Stefanie, you're one of the strongest girls I know. You had a baby. You placed your daughter for adoption. If it was me in that situation, I don't think I'd be able to do that. But you did. You are strong willed and determined. Just showing what you did for your daughter, you'll be the greatest mother someday."

He tends to say the things that I need to hear. Or things just to make me smile.

I understand that you some of you might be concerned that me and Tayler might be moving too fast. We're going out our own pace that is comfortable with us. So I'm sorry that you can't support us and feel the need to break us up. The one guy that makes me honestly, truly, happy and you're the only one that doesn't see it. Maybe you should form your own opinion, instead of your boyfriends. Yeah, I'm just a bit bitter. The damage is already done.

He stayed in Utah until the 7th. On the 5th, we went to the mall and I used my American Eagle gift card on new jeans and t-shirt. I.E. picture above.
We went and saw Avatar in 3d that night.
On the 6th, we went to 5 guys, then to the mall again (I forgot to bring my papaya gift card with me) and went shopping a little bit more. Some jewelry shopping. ;)
We went and saw It's Complicated that night with my friend Joy. She's 18 weeks pregnant and she's having a boy! I'm so excited for her!

Speaking of pregnancy- not me, of course. But I went to the expectant parent group that night and there was a girl there that was 26 weeks pregnant. She's having a girl. And I just had the urge to just want to feel a baby kick. I MISS being pregnant. I know, sounds crazy because when I was pregnant I missed the random things. Being able to sleep on your stomach. Being able to eat whatever the heck you want without getting heartburn.
I was trying to feel her baby kick/move and I just wanted to burst into tears. I really can't wait for the day that I can have babies of my own with my husband. To have him feel our future child together kick and move and to have me realize that I can actually ENJOY being pregnant. I don't have to dread the day that I give birth because I won't have to let go of my baby. Ever.

There's my new blog post.
Tomorrow- Jazz vs. Cavs! I SO wish I was going to that game.
It's going to be intense. I'm faithful to the Jazz but... Cavaliers are pretty much the best in the NBA.
Also tomorrow after the post placement group I'm doing a panel for adoptive couples. It's like a, "Ask a birthmom" panel. I'm stoked. I haven't done anything since the high school presentation and stuff.
Friday- I'm going out to see Tayler. We're meeting halfway in Burley and we're going to Idaho Falls so I can meet his dad. I'm NERVOUS. But excited to see him again. :)

I hope you all enjoyed the update.


  1. Stef i loved it all! :) really i should just ask you for personal updates; such as who tried to break you two love birds up...? but that can wait. it was good to see you on sunday. will you be back for church this weekend>? let me know. love and miss you. and yes i agree with the whole wanting to be pregnant again... it's hard seeing other peoples bumps and not slowly reaching my hand down to feel my own baby kick... which as you can imagine is very hard since there's no baby in there lol. we'll have our happy endings... sounds like you sooner than me. which remind me i have a story for you! love you and your blogs. including all the specific details. goodnight!
    <3 J

  2. :) I am so happy for you and Tayler! You do what makes you happy! You know what feels right!

  3. I loved this post. It's so positive, informative and very real. I love hearing updates on you & Tayler and the things you do together. (The Mrs Despain sign was so sweet.)

  4. I'm so happy for you, Stef :)

  5. Yay!! I Love this post! I'm so happy to see who you are as this past year went by ever so quickly! I remember you telling me that you and nic broke up! I was pretty sad! And I don't regret inviting you to the dance that weekend! And also supporting you through this whole thing! I have to agree with Tayler! You are truly the strongest person I've ever known! And I hope you know you are an example to me! I don't regret anything I've done for you! I've done it because I Love you for who you are! I've always loved you as a friend! And I truly hope things will turn out really really well for both of you! Cause one! Tayler is CUTE like crazy! 2 you look like the happiest person on earth in every one of those pictures!!! :D Love ya Tons! :D