I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant. It was a shock, to say the least. I was numb. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and mainly scared. I was scared of what the father would do, what my parents would think, and mainly I was scared of all the things I would have to do in the next 9 months. It was October of my senior year of high school, which meant I would be pregnant until graduation. I was selfish at first- I was so upset that I wouldn’t have the perfect graduation I had always dreamed of, and I was upset that I wouldn’t be able to dance in my year-end show. All of these worries however, disappeared once I thought of the child inside me.
Minutes after I heard the news, I had already had felt in my heart that adoption was the plan set out for my baby. The next step was telling my parents, and they reacted 100 times better than I was expecting them to. Of course they were disappointed, but they told me that they loved me no matter what and were going to support me. Going to school was difficult, but I couldn’t change my situation so there was no use hiding it. Once people started finding out, I talked openly about it because that was easier than being ashamed and depressed all the time. For the most part, I dealt with the news in a positive manner. I felt that this child was my opportunity to change my life and become a better person.
I loved my baby from really early on, but I always knew I was going to have to say goodbye. After talking with my social worker, I started looking at adoption portfolios from LDS Family Services around January. Saying you are going to place a baby for adoption and actually taking the steps to are completely different things. It was very hard on me to look at the families at first.. I couldn’t even open one for a few weeks. And once I did, I realized I was being extremely picky in my selections. I wanted the best for my baby, and I thought that under 30, no children, blonde hair, and nice home were the things that made perfect parents. After looking through countless portfolios with no success, my social worker finally talked me into looking at the other ones. When I saw that big blue folder, I just knew they were the family for my son. I opened it and immediately felt at peace. They were in their 40s, with one adopted daughter. (but yes, blonde hair and a big home) I was so excited to meet them!
I called LDSFS as soon as I could to let them know. Turns out, this couple had been talking only days before about removing their profile and giving up on their hopes of adopting another child. But that very day I had chose them, their daughter had drawn a picture of them with a baby boy. They received the call the next day and were ecstatic. I met them soon after with my boyfriend and we immediately fell in love with them. We couldn’t picture a better family for our son, and they were so excited to learn that it was a boy. Weeks turned into months and soon I was nearing my due date.
I went to my high school graduation 9 ½ months pregnant, and 17 days later gave birth to my baby boy on June 18, 2010. I had an easy labor and everything went well. I spent two beautiful days with my son and then placed him with his parents on Father’s Day. It was the hardest experience of my life, but also the most rewarding and amazing. I don’t regret any of it because I grew so much and was blessed with a healthy baby to be raised by two loving parents. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my son, or of his family. There will always be an empty place in my heart, but the pain is lessened when I see pictures of him and hear how he’s doing. Open adoptions are a wonderful thing, and I am so grateful for my sons parents and their willingness to share his life with me.
This was an inspiring story! I am so amazed at your strength.
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