14. Guest Blogger: Jessica (Birth Mom)

So when Tayler and I started dating I obviously met all of his friends in Idaho. One of his best friend's is friends with a girl named Jessica. I've met Jessica and hung out with her a few times in Idaho and have played a lot of games together and I just recently found out that she's a birthmom too! I asked her if she'd like to be a guest blogger and she said YES! :) Her story gives me the chills and her birthson is freaking ADORABLE!

 "Thank you for letting me share my story. I have been trying to reach out there to do it, but I haven't found a way to do it. It is the hardest thing to talk about but the best thing I have done!! Thank you for giving me a chance! If you could leave my adoptive couple's blog on your page that would be great they are thinking of adopting one last time! Just a way to get their name out as well. They haven't put papers in yet but they asked me to put their blog on there. Thank you so much!! :)" --> I'm more than willing to help couples who are hoping to adopt!

My name is Jessica and I too have an adoption story. I was a Senior in High School just living the high school years like a normal teenager would. It was February 2006, when I went to a friend with 20 questions on how does it feel when you are pregnant, and more questions because I was really worried. I was then beginning to worry because my mother had tried a few times to talk to me about sex and I just keep blowing her off, exact words I told my mother is, "Mom I know, I wont do anything." I did about anything a normal teenager would do. I went on our Lagoon trip and just doing anything because I was thinking, "I can't be pregnant there is no way." I just went on my way not even letting it bug me.

It wasn't until I moved out of my mom's house and moved to Twin Falls and then really thought, "Okay, I need to figure out if I am going to have a kid or if not." Once again, I told myself there is no way I can be pregnant, maybe my cycle is just changing, it was until the end of August 2006  that I felt things kicking and jumping and everything else not. So without even taking a test, I knew. So the next step was telling my parents, I had not a clue how to tell them because I knew they were going to be upset with me. But I manged to tell my mom and she came down to Twin Falls where I was living and going to school. She bought a test for me but still to this day didn't take the test. All you had to do is feel my stomach and you knew. I wasn't sure what I was going to do at this point just barley in College and raising a kid, I wasn't the type of person that would like to live life working at Walmart the rest of my life. My school was important to me but now this child was going to come first! Still undecided, I wasn't sure what to do. 

 So I called my family doctor and set up an appointment with him to see when I was going to be having this baby. I drove to Burley a week later to visit with my doctor and we then figured I would be due November 26th I wanted to say. I was then excited about this baby and becoming a mommy. It's until I began talking with the birthfather on choices that I could do. Adoption came up in the conversation, but I didn't want to do that. However I did go in and talk to my Bishop and he mentioned I just go to Family Services and visit with him. So between college classes and time to myself I made time to go talk to the people at Family Services. 

It wasn't until after a few visits that I then decided to place my child with a couple that was married and able to start a family. I then was given a few folders with family information in them. I was given three to be exact. I took them back to my apartment and just placed them on my dresser not evening wanting to go this way but then I did. A few weeks past and I still hadn't looked at the folders. So I took it to my father and I let him know, to find out he was upset with me more disappointed. Which to me, felt like I had no family support anymore. So I turned to my Big Father and starting praying about what I needed to do. It took a few days to come and go until something told me to look at the folders, so after not being able to pay attention in classes, I left the school in tears and opened up the folders and just glanced through them and put the first one aside and then opened up the second one and did the same thing then onto the third one but couldn't even open it up something told me to go back and read the second folder and I read the second one all the information, remind you, I am doing this all in tears. I knew the tears I was shedding were mixed of happiness and sadness. 

I knew that folder two were the winners, the next day I went to family services and told them that I had picked the one. Mean time, I was still talking to both families of the folders 1 and 2 that I had been looking at. I still hadn't looked at folder 3. The gentle men that was helping me, then asked if he wanted me to send them a letter, letting them know they were picked, I told him I would prefer to do it. I knew I had my big ultrasound coming up, I waited to see what I was going to have. I had my ultrasound and I was the biggest cry baby, I was hearing my baby's heart beat and then finding out I was having a boy was the hardest thing. With that in mind I did tell both families that I was having a boy. But little did they know who I had chosen, So I made up a blanket for the family and sent it off to them letting them know they were the chosen one. With that all done and me feeling a little better about my choice, I set up a meeting time where they would come meet me and I was able to meet them. 

It was October 23rd, when I meet the family we had a great visit, to follow the visit I drove to Burley thinking, I was having my boy. Sure enough I was. I guess you can say he was ready to be with his family. The only down side on having my boy, was I had to have an emergency c-section. 

I wake up and was in tears to see my boy. I was able to hold my little guy for a few days because we both had to stay in the hospital. I was even able to bring him home for him to stay with me. Then I believe, October 26th was the day I placed my pride and joy into the hands of a family that was ready to raise a family. 

From that day on, I still have my hard days and my "what if's" but in the long run, I am more thankful than anything! My contact with the family is right where I am wanting it! I get e-mails and pictures and I do get to see my little Gabe (Gabester) time to time. It has now been 4 years since that day. Gabe is now four years old and the happiest kid ever. 

They family has a blog as well that I keep myself up to date on. It is www.hokiehut.blogspot.com you can check out their blog as well, I wouldn't have been more happy then I am now if I hadn't chose this family! I love each one of them. 

Birth Parent Visit

Adoption was a hard road but in the long run, I knew I had to give my little boy a home and a family that could raise him and was ready to raise kids. I am blessed to still have contact with my son. Everyone has said it but I as well have to say it. Placing a Child is the hardest thing anyone would do, but your son or daughter will still have a place in your heart no matter what. I am raising two young boys and I still think of my son so he will always be in my thoughts and prayers. Adoption is a blessing in my life!