Monday, May 4, 2009

20 weeks.

Nothing exciting has happened since the phone call. Boo. I just want this week to be over already for my ultrasound to see if N will actually show up. I had a few weird dreams last night. I dreamed that I worked at Wal*Mart with N. Ha. And he asked me, "You want to do something after work?" I'm just kind of like what the heck? I said, "If you want to hang out..." Ha. He said something about how he knew what was playing on TV tonight. Yep. Sit around and watch TV sounds like a fun filled night for me. Luckily it was a dream.
My other weird dream is I went back to my dentist office to intern. Oh. And I had to get my wisdom teeth taken out. And you know they give you a shot to make you numb and you get loopy or whatever? Oh my gosh! I was totally loopy in my dream. And felt numb. I've never had that happen to me before in my dream. But I was biting on my teeth funny. I probably need a night guard or else I might need braces again :/

My little Jasper has been sick. Probably because he won't eat his cat food. He likes... dog food.

He's now laying my lap right now trying to sleep. He's so cute.

Okay, I'm supposed to be at my internship right now at an orthodontic office. And guess what? I can't find my keys. Go figure. Next paycheck. It's going to buying 50 keys. One for each room in my house. One for each purse I own. One for each pants pocket I own. So I will never lose my keys again!

I hung out with my friend Joy. I was going to stay with her until she moved in June for Texas. But I don't think I want to do that anymore. And it was weird because her mom was very for keeping babies. Because she had Joy at 17 and she knows it will work out. She lived from friend house to friend house because her mom kicked her out after she got pregnant. She told me she went to abortion places and then decided she didn't want to do that. And then adoption was really hard for her to think about. But she can't have anymore kids and she's like, you can give me your baby until you're ready to have him/her back. Hm, I don't think I'm totally down for that.
Keeping my baby would be my dream come true. For everything to work out to love it every minute of everyday. And provide it with everything it ever wanted. My baby deserves the world. And I don't know if I can do that. But I know I could make it work if I tried my hardest. There are two different ways to be selfish and unselfish in this situation.
People tell me it's unselfish to place your baby up for adoption and keeping it is selfish.
But if you keep it's unselfish because you're giving your whole life just for your little baby for the next 18 years and if you place your selfish because you want to live your life without the burden of having a baby.
Meh, there's just a lot to think about and decide.

Yeaaaah, here's a picture of me at 20 weeks. I got my new phone which has a 5 mgp camera. That's nice for a camera phone. Other phones usually have 1.3 mgp.


  1. That's awesome that your cat wants to eat dog food. Haha. And you look so small!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Here's my 2 cents worth..... people who say, or think, it's selfish to give away their baby b/c they are giving away their "burden", clearly haven't traveled that road!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    "Don't judge my journey, till you've walked my path" definitely rings true here!!!!
    Placing your precious baby with an adoptive family is a painfully unselfish act. IMO, the MOST selfless act you will make in your entire lifetime on Earth..... speaking from experience of course..... nothin's topped it yet, and I'm getting pretty old...
    It's good to listen to the input of others but in the end do what you truly feel, deep in your heart, is in the best interest of your baby, irregardless of temporal or emotional cost. What you save in financial cost (selfishly) you pay exponentially in emotional sacrifice. Yes, it's a difficult decision to inflict emotional pain, of that magnitude, upon yourself. That validates adoption as an extremely unselfish act, IMO.