Sunday, May 17, 2009


I went to the park with a friend after I wrote that blog piece below. I was just out of control in tears just sobbing. I didn't know what to do. So we ended up having a picnic with some peanut butter and honey sammichs, cheezits, and drinks. We just talked and how I felt about N and Olivia. The one thing I hate it when people tell me this, "Don't even try to make me feel sorry for you because it was your choice to have sex and now you have the consequence." Well, shoot. Sorry I took most of the right precautions and still ended up with a baby. Sorry I can't take it back now? What the heck do you want me to do? I'm not telling people to feel sorry for me. One time I made a complete joke about it and a friend said that and it really hurt my feelings. I'm like, clearly, why would you ever say that? Does it make people feel really good when it hurts other people?
Well, I'm getting off that subject. Yesterday I felt Olivia kick about 3 times. I woke up at like 6 to use the restroom and laid back down and felt her and she was probably telling me to tell V happy birthday for her. So I failed to mention that in my voicemail that I left her.
So at the park we're just laying down on the blanket and I felt her kicking again, about 7 or 8 times. So I worked up the courage and texted N,
"Just thought you should know that your daughter is a little kicker :] ha."

he texted back! Um, yeah. Surprise! He rarely ever texts back. But he's been pretty good about it now.

He wrote, "She should be."

I laughed. I was half tempted to not say anything but I texted him again to see if he would write anything back. We held up a pretty good conversation. I'll write what he wrote about her. Then just tell you the rest.

I wrote back, "Maybe she'll start a girls lacrosse team. Or she already is in my belly. Ha ha."

(He started the boys lacrosse team at LP high school.)

He wrote, "Maybe soccer."

I wrote, "Ha. Well, I don't know if lacrosse had a girls team or if you can kick people in it. I guessed."

He wrote, "Lol it does but you can't."

I wrote, "Oh. Well, I guess she's breaking the rules. Sounds like me."

He wrote, "Lol."

That was the end of me and him talking about her. Then I asked him how his Sunday was and if work was good and if he was planning on going back to school. I laughed because he wrote, "Yes to all of the above." I'm just thinking, you rock at communicating. So I just tried to ask him if he was going next fall or whatever. He might be taking a class in phlebotomy. If most of you don't know what that is, it's drawing of blood. Ha, I told him how gross that was and how I'd be afraid to kill someone and he said he wasn't worried and that someone has to do it. I said, Well, props to you. I wouldn't be able to do it. Then the conversation didn't really go anywhere and all I said was "Well, thanks for talking to me." The end.

Hm, I don't know if he was just bored or he didn't want me to write bad things about him on my blog. I wonder if he can even read it. Because I have to have his e-mail obviously to give him permission not unless there is something I don't know. Or he remembers my e-mail and password and secretly gets on. That would be... great...ha...ha...ha... yeah.

Well, I got nothing else. There is your excitment for the week.


  1. I'm glad you were able to have a good conversation with Nic. I'm sorry if I'm not sympathetic enough to how you feel for Nic. I hadn't realized that when you give Olivia up it will officially end things with Nic. In my mind things with Nic are already over, but I have never had to carry the baby of someone who doesn't want anything to do with it, so I don't know what is involved emotionally with that.

    Well, anyway, I love you and I hope that things will get easier for you.

  2. I agree with Erika, How can we help so that we won't say the wrong things? Or How can we help to get you to feel comfort for your sake so you won't feel so Lonely when you give Olivia to Valery And Dustinn? Please Know that WE all Love you and want you to be happy and hope the best for you! We will give you a shoulder to cry on and an ear for you to vent and just listen! And I hope you know that! You are amazing Stef! Love ya tons!! :D

  3. People can say such terribly hurtful things. I can't believe someone said that to you!
    And I agree with swimming violinist (Natasha, right?) wholeheartedly. I don't want to say or do anything hurtful.