Saturday, March 27, 2010

Day 7: Boise&Grief

So, I'm in Boise. And I'm glad that I haven't forgotten to write in my blog today. I almost did. But yep. I really have nothing to blog about today.

On my drive up there was a talk show going on and it was talking about grief and the stupid things people say to someone who lost someone close to them. No joke.

This story came on. About a father who took his two sons from Utah to go fishing or something in Washington. And because of weather, the plane crashed and killing them all. On the show, one of the brother in-laws came on and started talking about it and he said he's heard people say some nasty things to his sister in-law (one of the son's wife). About how it's been 7 months since his death and she needs to move on and start dating.

Video Courtesy of

The radio talk show host said- which is pretty much true to me in the moment, "There are two different types of people who will talk to you when you're grieving over a loss. One type is those who generally care about you and want to know what happened and how you're dealing with things. The second type is those who just are curious and want to know just to know."

I'm just listening to the radio and I'm feeling so sorry for this family. Two brothers/sons/brother in-laws and a Father/Father in-law/Husband is KILLED. Just one day they're gone. My heart goes out to them during this.

You don't just get "over" people. You MOVE ON. Jessica was my best friend, still is my best friend. I'm grateful to know through the Church that I'll be able to see her in the next life and this friendship will continue through the eternities and we'll never have to say goodbye again.

I've had people say that to me even about Olivia. That I'm not her mom and I need to get over that. Listen, I gave birth to her, I gave her life, if I didn't give that chance to her. Then someone else couldn't have been a mom without me. I am a BIRTHmom. You don't ever just forget about getting pregnant and giving birth to a child.

I have now experienced loss from placing a child through adoption. My OWN child. Not just some random baby- my DAUGHTER. I have also experienced loss of a really close friend of mine through death. Not someone that I've known for a few months and had a few experiences with. Someone that I've known for 4 years. And those 4 years- we've both had a learning and growing experiences together. As we faced those trials, we turned to each other. She's like a sister to me.

Video includes right after I've given birth to Olivia and towards the end you will see Jessica in the video. She was there through my whole pregnancy and labor and delivery (like my sisters) and was there for me post placement. She went above and beyond being a best friend. Jessica was a beautiful young girl who loved everyone and cared for their well being. I know if she were here right now and it was a similar situation to me losing someone close. She wouldn't be ignorant to my feelings. She'd be so Christ-like and be at my doorstep immediately, helping me get through my hard times. I love her so much and miss her dearly.

I will never get over anyone. I will move on. It takes TIME. It's not going to be two days or two weeks. It's something that has left a deep hole in my heart that will take a while to recover. Or for the pain to go away. And if you want to tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about that I can get over people. Then please inform me when you place your own child for adoption and 6 months later, lose a loved one to death and how you got over that.

Well, I need to go get ready and visit my fiance at work. But I wanted to share that with you. And also, the guy on the show mentioned a website called, and that has helped him when he's had people say rude, ignorant things to their situation. I'm glad it's not just me that gets those people :P

I also wanted to share that my sister, RuthAnn, the one that is pretty much making blog everyday for two weeks, has a blog for her class. And her class has something to do with teen pregnancy and things. And she blogged about adoption. And she shares a small part with her experience with adoption. I loved it. I thought it was sweet of her. :) I love you, Ruthie.

Well, I'll be back in Utah on Wednesday. It's been pretty nice to just get out of Utah. Even the drive up, by myself, I was able to look at scenery and not really worry about anything. And get away from the drama (whatever it is) back home, temporarily.

I also wrote this post a while back. If you scroll down a bit I talk about the Stages of Grieving. But I was grieving over something totally different at the time. I was pregnant. And I had baby daddy issues and could not get over him. I've moved on from HIM. Thank goodness.


  1. agreed. I've had some pretty ignorant things said to me as well. Not on my blog though...thank GOODNESS.

    Losing your best friend and placing your baby for adoption isn't the most ideal thing ever. He died two weeks before she was born and I am still not over it. I hope that this is different for you...but I have moved on from placing Avery for adoption WAY better than I have moved on from losing Keltson.

    Cause I knew placing her was right...but losing's still hard to understand how that could EVER be right. People that think it's WRONG for you to grieve...haven't experienced losing someone close to them...and I hope they never have to.

  2. I watched the video of Oliva and I bawled my eyes out! You are so amazing to have gone through everything you have! I'm sorry for all you have gone through but you are still so amazing..

  3. I read that girls blog. - she is an excellent writer and I think it's terrible people are telling her to move on! Anyway I lurk here on your blog and I love it! I think you are so strong!

  4. It was so nice to watch that video again! And haha! I heard my name mentioned that I sent a text about something, maybe to send a picture or whatever! I don't remember, but I don't know it made my day to hear my name! Loosing a friend, or even a Loved one isn't easy, and we will never forget those people that have touched our lives! It's almost imposible to forget them, but we are able to move on and be able to remember those people for who they were, and the memories we have shared with them. Like what you said in posts before. "It doesn't matter how they left this earth, it matters of how they Lived their lives!" I couldn't agree more! It is very well put! I truly hope you are doing better. It's not easy, but thank heavens that we have the gospel, that their passing wasn't a goodbye, it was a see you later till we meet again and truly only the beginning of a better life! :D Love ya tons! <3