Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Day 3: Olivia 6 Months Old

So a lot of people have been asking me about Olivia being sealed to Dustinn and Valery. How I feel about it. Being sealed is a sacred ordinance in the LDS Church that happens in the temple. Being sealed means that she will be with them as an eternal family. That their relationship as father/mother/daughter will move on in the next life after they pass. You know, "Until Death Do You Part?" How awesome is it that we now have this knowledge in our Church that we don't have to be afraid of that? That we can be sealed to our husband/wife. Mother/father. Son/daughter. Sister/brother. We can be with them FOREVER.
The temple and that specific ordinance has been a big testimony builder for me. I always knew growing up that I needed to be sealed in the temple to be able to be with my husband forever. I guess I was just never taught how I need to live my life in order to have that. I know that it should be common sense. But I believe that a lot of the topics are hush, hush. That sex before marriage shouldn't happen. That it's meant for inside the bonds of marriage. I didn't understand that WHY it should only be that. I feel if I knew why then I would appreciate that time. Now, Tayler obviously knows he's not the first boy that's going to see me naked on my wedding night. And that hurts. But I know through the atonement and repentance, I'm able to return to purity and that it'll be a special night and that we waited for that moment to give that special part of ourselves to each other.

You remember this post? And how upset I was? I'll go into a little bit more depth since I'm now engaged. I was sort of waiting on that. Usually the finalization in adoption happens when the baby is 6 months old. D&V were told that they could possibly have to wait 8 months to a year because of the Virginia agency.
Well, the e-mailed me saying that they would update me and let me know about being sealed and the finalization because they were thinking it was going to happen in March when Olivia was 6 months old. Then I found out from my bishop that I could be married in the temple in August. I was SO stoked to tell D&V that. And to actually be able to be at the sealing. I'm not sure a lot of birth moms would be able to say that they were there. I think it'd be a neat experience.
I'm not too upset over it at the moment. You know, this is what I wanted for Olivia. For her to have a family who has an actual dad who is COMMITTED to being her dad. And not this wishy washy-I don't know if I'm going to be there- I'll fight for custody if you parent her- guy. And a stay at home mom. I wouldn't have been able to do that. I mean, the birth father, if he wasn't committed to me, what makes you think he'd be committed to child support, or even to his own child. I know that sounds rude of me. But let's be honest. Well, I always am.
Anyway, in the e-mail they said they would update me. And then I got on their blog and how they were excited to have the adoption finalized and being sealed in March. It KILLED me inside. I was thinking, "This is your way of updating me?"
I really don't meant to bring this up to arise old feelings. I'm over it. Honestly. It was a lot of just misunderstanding. The adoption finalizing with the courts and the sealing are TWO different things. I associated them as the same thing. Val had written the post before she found out about me being able to go to the temple in August. That they really WERE thinking about waiting for the sealing to be done.

More about the "Killed me inside" part. I was going to include. That a part of me sort of died when placing Olivia. I definitely felt like I failed as a mother. That legally she wasn't mine anymore. Now, I have no idea how I'll react to her being sealed to another woman who is supposed to be her mother. Will another part of me die? Will I also feel like I failed then that I couldn't have just given Olivia that in the first place if I just waited until I was married in the temple? But I know I had to gain a lot of testimony of temples and knowing that's what I needed to do when I was pregnant with Olivia and after placement. I think if I didn't have her, I'd probably would still be living my life without the gospel in it. Not really caring about the temple. Sadly, something that dramatic had to change me and had to push me in the right direction. But I've been the most happy being at Church and at Institute. And hopefully soon being able to go through the Temple.

The conclusion has come to. They are going to wait. They are hoping for July 24th, their family will be out here. And I hope I'll receive my endowments by then. Tayler and I are looking at August 7. So July 24 is two weeks before. You know, I feel good about it. I always have. I think what upset me before was the way that I found out... or got confused about finding out. It wouldn't have bothered me if it was straight out said that they didn't want me there. But they didn't say that. They said they'll update me. I guess I'm saying to other couples. If you're thinking of doing something that's pretty serious. Let the birth mom know before the whole world knows. We want to feel like we're significant enough to be in your life and you ARE grateful.
Val texted me today and asked me how I was doing because it was the 6 month mark and that sometimes those month marks could be hard. 6 months is a HUGE milestone I think.
I told her I was doing fine and that it's just crazy that half a year has gone by.
She said, "Definitely crazy. Thank you for these 6 months. :)"

Totally sweet right? What birth mom doesn't want to hear thank you for giving us this little life that has completed our family? Without you we wouldn't be complete. Yeah. Total cheese. But it's that stuff that melts our hearts and we know our babies are in perfect hands.

What I'm trying to get at here. Olivia is going to be sealed who she's supposed to be sealed to. I'm going to be sealed to who I'm supposed to be sealed to. The whole point of placing her for adoption is so Olivia can be reunited with her family by the sealing power of the temple. I don't know if I could live with myself if I denied that special blessing to her.

P.S. This is the birth of my blog. A year ago today. Crazy right? A year ago today I was 3 months pregnant.


  1. Olivia is really cute, but I am sure that you knew that right? :)

  2. I have followed your blog since before Olivia was born. I am a mom of 5 and gramma to one and one on the way. You give me hope that maybe one day my daughter will turn her life around and leave LB (looser boy) whom she is set to marry sometime this year. I love your total honesty and how you express yourself. Congratulations on your engagement.

  3. my mommy told me growing up that the only reason i had to be adopted (other than to get my long legs because i WASN'T gettin' those from my parents at all..they're squatty shorties) was because me, carrin, and my mom were best friends in heaven and we agreed to this so that we could be connected on earth. totally believe it. and i'm glad you will be able to see olivia get sealed. carrin and her hubby are working on getting their temple recommends and getting sealed. you BETTER BELIEVE that i'll be right there bawling my eyes out. in the end everyone's one big giant family if you're sealed to somebody. olivia getting sealed and then you getting sealed just means you're basically sealed together too if you think about it. :D

  4. I love that you share so much with us!! :D You are amazing and Olivia is darling and looks just like you. Love you forever.

  5. Stefanie! She is so CUTE!! I Love her little smiles! :D And I'm so Excited for you to be able to get Married to the man of your dreams! :D hehehe! Which Temple do you plan on Getting Married at? Is it the Draper Temple?

  6. There is something that you wrote in here that I can really relate with. Its when you were saying that if you wouldn't have had Olivia then you probably would have been stuck in your old ways and not appreciate the gospel as much as you do now. Thats exactly how I feel. When I was pregnant it was one of the hardest times of my life, and im sure it was for you too. But im so happy this whole experience has happened to me because I appreciate our gospel so much more now and now I can actually say im temple worthy. And before Mya, I couldn't say that. Its nice to read that someone is going through the same experience, because i don't know many who i can relate with. Im proud of you and your amazing! sorry I wrote a book haha

  7. Olivia is such a cute little thing.

    And I just have to defend Mom here. You WERE taught HOW to live your life in order to be sealed in the temple to your husband. You just chose not to listen. You WERE taught how, I was there, I know.

    Love you Stef and I'm SO happy for you and where you are now. You are SO blessed to have become a birth mom.

  8. wow. that text from val put tears in my eyes. and then your conclusion of how everyone is where they are supposed to be was so beautiful. it seems like everyone has lucked out! congrats on the engagement.