Day 4: True Love

Yesterday, I went to institute. I hadn't been for like a month. First, I got engaged. Second, my best friend passed away. Not much I could do.

Well, I take two classes. The first one is repentance and forgiveness. The second one is Preparing for an Eternal Marriage.

I'll talk about the second one since someone wanted to hear my views on true love and marriage. A lot of my views have to do with the class we had yesterday.

"Be friends first. Sweethearts second."

Bruce C. Hafen

Okay, Let's pretend I totally rock at making pyramids on paint. :P

Friendship: Friendship is at the bottom because that is your foundation. That's what it should be built on first. Not romance. Romance isn't going to save your relationship when everything goes wrong. Be best friends- talk about everything. You need to go through the bad to experience the good. And the bad will make your relationship stronger if they're there for you as your friend. There to give you advice and be the shoulder you can cry on. If you don't have that, you'll be alone.

Time: Law of the Harvest. You need to make your relationship grow. You need to nourish it and love it and take care of it. Growing a garden takes time. So should your relationship. It gives us a chance to see people at their best and not so best.

A guy made a comment on how sometimes in relationships they can either go really fast and just jump on that boat really quick. Or it can go really slow and they want to walk things through. Either way you go, it doesn't really matter- walking or boating down the river. All that really matters is that you make it to your destination.

Understanding: Learn to deal with the "little quirks."

Respect: You have to earn it. You need to have that personal power and be able to put your foot down and people will respect you for your values and opinions.

Understanding and Respect go hand-in-hand. You need to understand and respect that person, even if their views are a little bit different than yours.

Restraint: Brings out self-mastery. Self Control. Keep ourselves within boundaries. Discipline.

"You can not love for which you have not sacrificed."

Love that quote.

Restraint and respect go together.

Tayler says the thoughts that always come into his mind when we're just cuddling on the couch, the adversary does try and plant these thoughts into your mind like- heck, it doesn't matter. Do it now, you're getting married. But one thought always creeps into his mind once he gets those thoughts,"If you love her, you'll wait. If you respect her, you'll wait."

True Love:

1 John 4:7-8

7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.

8 He that loveth not knoweth not God, for God is love.

You know that you're in true love when it's within God's boundaries and God approves of it. When you are serving God, you're being blessed, and those blessings happen through your courting if it's the right guy and it will lead until marriage. At least that's what I think :)

We did the difference between true love and counterfeits.

Awaken love- "I want to be better"

You already have to be at your best if you want someone better. Inspire to be better.

A counterfeit of that could be, "You know, if I just find the right guy, I'll be better."

You should already be at your BEST to GET the best.

Product of Law (Law of the Harvest)- Love grows over time.

Beauty Within

Counterfeit: Beauty on the outside.

Serve- We are closer together when serving our God.

Genisis 29:20

And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.

Even though he served for a really long time, it didn't stop his love for Rachel.

Romans 8:35 and 37-39

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword?

37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Welded "Sealed"- What can separate you from each other? Nothing.

Counterfeit: Open. Open to whatever temptations the adversary throws at you.

Sacrifice/Control

Counterfeit: Selfishness- A sense of entitlement

Welfare with other- Make sure they're being taken care of. Maybe ask, "What can I do to be a better wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/fiance?" Whatever it is. I did that last night and I feel great. Just knowing what I can improve on. But I don't really need to improve on much since I'm perfect :) JK

The counterfeit- If you're not being aware of this other person's feelings you're being insensitive and it shows that you don't really care much about your relationship. Or fixing whatever needs to be fixed and you want out. In relationships you NEED to work through everything if you want it to last.

The teacher told the story about a guy who said, "Even though I have the main course, I can still look at the menu." Pretty much saying, even though I'm married, I can still look at other girls. That's disgusting and TOTALLY disrespectful.

D&C 42:22

Thou shalt love thy WIFE with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.

Pretty much means- No menu checking there, homes!

Don't end up with a Prince "Harming" He harms the relationship.

If you can't trust the person then how can your relationship grow?

Galatians 5:16-19 & 22-26

This is what happens if you let your hormones take over in your relationship and don't have God with you at all times.

16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

17 For the flesh lusteth against the flesh: and these are contrary to the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

This is what you want in your relationship-

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

25 IF we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

These were some of my favorite quotes from the lesson:

What is True Love?
President David O. McKay

"'Well,' you may ask, 'how I know when I am in love?'

"...George Q Morris [who later became a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, gave this reply]: 'My mother once said that if you meet a girl in whose presence you feel a desire to achieve, who inspires you to do your best, and to make the most of yourself, such a young woman is worthy of your love and is awakening love in your heart.'

I submit that... as a true guide. In the presence of the girl you truly love you do not feel to grovel; in her presence you do not attempt to take advantage of her; in her presence you feel that you would like to be everything that a Master Man should become, for she will inspire you to that ideal. And I ask you young women to cherish that same guide."

Elder John A. Widtsoe

"Love is the foundation of marriage, but love itself is a product of law and lives by law. True love is law-abiding, for the highest satisfactions come to a law-abiding life...

"...Marriage that lasts only during earth life is a sad one, for the love established between man and woman, as they live together and rear their family, should not die, but live and grow richer with the eternal years. True love hopes and prays for an endless continuation of association with the loved one. To those who are sealed to each other for all existence, love is ever warm, more hopeful, believing, courageous, and fearless. Such people love the richer, more joyful life. To them happiness and the making of it have no end...

"Above the physical charm, love is begotten by qualities, often subtle, of mind and spirit. The beautiful face may hide an empty mind; the sweet voice may utter coarse words; the lovely form may be ill-mannered; the woman of radiant beauty and the man of kingly form may be intolerable bores on nearer acquaintanceship; or, the person who looks attractive may really have no faults, may excel us in knowledge and courtesy, yet he is not of our kind, his ways are not ours. Under either condition, love wilts in its first stage. 'Falling in love' is always from within, rather than from without. That is, physical attractiveness must be reinforced with mental and spiritual harmony if true love is to be born and have long life- from the Later-day Saint point of view, to last throughout the eternities."

President Gordon B. Hinckley

"True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of one's companion."

Elder Marvin J. Ashton

"The world is filled with too may of us who are inclined to indicate our love with an announcement or declaration.

"True love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time. Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love. How hollow, how empty if our love is no deeper than the arousal of momentary feeling or the expression in words of what is no more lasting than the time it takes to speak them. ...

"We must at regular and appropriate intervals speak and reassure others of our love and the long time it takes to prove it by our actions. Real love does take time. The Great Shepherd has the same thoughts in mind when he taught, 'If ye love me, keep my commandments' (John 14:15) and 'If ye love me feed my sheep' (John 21:16) Love demands action if it is to be continuing. Love is a process. Love is not a declaration. Love is not an announcement. Love is not a passing fancy. Love is not an expediency. Love is not a convenience. 'If ye love me, keep my commandments' and 'If ye love me feed my sheep' are God-given proclamations that should remind us we can often best show our love through the processes of feeding and keeping.

"Love of God takes time. Love of family takes time. Love of country takes time. Love of neighbor takes time. Love of companion takes time. Love in courtship takes time. Love of self takes time."

I'm not going to sit here and proclaim my love for Tayler. I know in my heart that I love him so much. He's proved to me by the little things that I didn't have in relationships before that he does love me. That it IS true love. I almost felt brainwashed by my exboyfriends thinking that I could never get better. Once I got with Tayler I was thinking, "WHAT? Girls actually CAN get treated this way?" It is seriously unbelievable.

He has the most beautiful testimony. He doesn't have to verbally say it. But he's always like, "Stefanie, we can't go to bed yet. We need to read scriptures." Or, "We need to say prayer." He often sets the example for me. He is seriously the BEST fiance ever. And only one that I've had or ever will have, ahem.

I love him with all of my heart. I know these past few weeks have been really difficult on us. As I'm mourning over the loss of my best friend. And he's been used to getting all of the attention. But he's so willing to help me out through every little thing. All he really wants from me is to smile. It's even been hard to do that.

I had someone send me something really rude, you know who you are. And Tayler sent me this, "Baby I love you with all of my soul. I know what people say can hurt but I know one thing. You won't let them bring you down. Jessica is watching out for you and she and I love you so much and are very proud of you."

I'm so surprised after everything that I've gone through, he hasn't given up on me.

You want to know the difference between guys and girls?
Girls- need to talk everything out and they'll feel better about it and not worry about it again for a while. And that's "fixing it."

Boys- need to FIX it. If it's not fixable they'll give up and move on.

I'm afraid I'm not fixable. I'm afraid that I'm this huge project to Tayler that he wants to save. I had this tendency of being scared of when is he going to start being like the boys in my past? Not even a hint of them has shown. We all have our past, we all make our mistakes, but look at what they're doing now to make them better. Or watch how they handled them and you'll see how they'll handle it in the future if mistakes are made again. If they're willing to put up with the fight, they're a keeper.

I told him last night that I felt bad that he's "stuck"with me. That he's this awesome guy and I'm not-so-awesome. But I've heard you're definitely in love if you feel like you're getting the better end of the deal.

P.S. Being engaged is A HUGE commitment. I didn't realize it until I actually got engaged. I'm like, whoa. I'm going to marry this guy? I'm going to spend ETERNITY with him?... I think I can handle this. :) He's so incredible. Being next to this man every single day of my life just means that eternity is going to ROCK with him in it. By my side. :)

I'm so very grateful to have Tayler be in my life. He is so very understanding and respectful of me and our relationship. I've never really had anyone who understood what I was trying to say. I would always try to convince myself in my past relationships that I was loved. I don't have to convince myself, I know I love him and he loves me back. I wouldn't ever get respect in my past relationships because I didn't care what happened when I was with them. I thought that if I let them use me, that I was loved by them somehow. But now that I know what I want, I do get that respect from Tayler. He knows what I want and what I need to be happy and he respects that. I would always have to fight and try to understand them and understand why my ex's couldn't just love me. I'm so grateful that I don't have to fight for that and that Tayler DOES love me for me and not just for the romance in our relationship. ;) I don't have to give him sex for him to be happy with me. Unlike some unhealthy/unstable relationships that I've had.

Tayler doesn't care about my past. He just can't wait to be apart of my future. And I can't for him to be apart of mine. :) I'm one lucky girl to have him forever.