Well, I've been again slacking on the blog. But that's also because I've had some personal things that have happened. Such as just a total meltdown one night about adoption. It wasn't anything bad and I don't point the finger at anyone. I did in that moment but that's because I wasn't communicating very well.
Amy (from Amstel Life) made a post just recently about open adoption. And it goes a lot along the lines about what I'm going to talk about.
I told D&V something very important about their adoption finalization that there is a possibility that I could be there, if they waited. They told me they would let me know.
They made a post about being finalized earlier than I had told them and I thought they were just trying to get around my feelings and that they didn't want to tell me. And I pointed fingers and told them that I didn't understand that if I trusted them with Olivia they could at least trust me with what they choose to do with their family. I know I'm the birth mom and I'm not Olivia's mom so I don't have a big play in what their family does. I just would like to know. And instead of asking them about them, I just assumed they were out to get me.
Val made the post a week before I had told her about her being there for the finalization and that there was a difference between the finalization and being sealed. And I was making a big deal about being there when they're sealed as a family.
Just a lot of feelings were hurt and a lot of misunderstandings.
I don't think it was anyone's fault. Mostly, I assume and jump to conclusions and blow things out of proportion. I know that Dustinn and Val would never try to intentionally hurt me. I told them to make the plans they want with THEIR family.
I like what Amy had to say,
7) After the birth, learning the boundaries of open adoption will be difficult at first. You can talk about what to expect until you turn blue, but everything after the birth is a whole 'nother story! You'll learn as you go, but as long as you continue to communicate and be honest with each other, things should start to come together eventually. I can't stress enough how important communication is in open adoption. Since our open adoption was very open, sometimes I had a hard time saying no to visiting. After a long day of class, sometimes I felt guilty for saying no to stopping by to see De and Deanna. There were times I just needed to take a break and be alone. I learned to take care of myself first and to visit only when I felt emotionally ready. And that made our visits so much better.
I try to be as open as possible with the adoption and how I'm feeling and this is what I said to Val at one point in our e-mailing back and forth,