Monday, March 28, 2011

UBC Day 28

Day 28 — Write a letter to: Someone that changed your life
Dear Baby Doll,

I give you that nickname because that's what I was called when I was your age. You look like a beautiful little china doll. With your pretty porcelain skin (you get that from me). I hope one day that you can look in the mirror and be proud of where you get your pretty face and those beautiful eyes. I pray that you'll know me and that you'll know everything that I did for you. I pray that you will be proud of me and that you'll know it was the hardest thing I've ever done for you. I love you. I love you enough to give you everything that you deserve. You deserve a mom AND a dad. It's more like, you belong with them. They shared you with me. I was able to know your sweet spirit. I got to memorize your movements in my belly. I got to hold you when you first were born. Everyone was there to hear your first cry. We all loved you the minute you were born and don't ever think that we didn't. I prayed that you were going to be mine but I knew that wasn't the answer. You changed me in ways it's hard to explain. You helped me become a better person. You helped me find out who I was. You are my little angel in my life to guide me. I can't ever forget that kind of effect you've had on me. There are days that I wish things could be "normal" and I could be your mom and you could be my daughter. But don't think that means that I regret my decision. It just means I miss you. I miss holding you in my arms. I miss memorizing your little newborn face as you slept, hearing your sighs in your sleep. I could go on. But I still will think of you as my little girl. I will never forget you. There is a poem that I have on the wall in my living room. I want to share it with you. I didn't write it but I think it's beautiful and it reminds me of you, always.
My Little Butterfly

You were finally here,
My little butterfly.
You were placed in my arms,
And I couldn’t help but cry.
You were so precious so beautiful.
I stared at you with pride.
Your hands so tiny,
Your eyes so bright.
You were finally here,
My little butterfly.
And I knew it would be hard
To say goodbye.
I cried for you at night.
How could I let my
Little butterfly go?
Then I thought of the new world
You will see.
Of the loving parents that will
Take care of thee.
And I felt peace.
You were finally here,
My little butterfly.
And no matter how hard it is,
I must say goodbye.
So, open your wings
And don’t be afraid to fly.
Fly away to a new life.
Where opportunities are
At every door.
And my love around every corner.
You were finally here,
My little butterfly.
But, quickly you left
To live your new life.
You’ll always be in my heart.
Your memory in my every thought.
Those tiny hands,
And bright eyes.
I will forever love you,
My Little Butterfly. © gina 2000

Tell me: A song that makes you feel guilty

I want to know: Say something to your 15 year old self.

Dear 15 year old self,
Don't fall in love with every boy that becomes your boyfriend. It doesn't last. You'll find the one that REALLY fights for you. Not pretends to fight for you just so he doesn't have to be lonely either. But proves to you that he wants to be with you every single day of your life. It might not come now but it will. You won't listen to me because I know me. I wouldn't listen to anybody at 15. I am going to do what I want when I want. But just know, you're going to put yourself through a lot of heartache. And it ain't pretty. You will cast your pearls before swine. Only to not feel special until years down the road. You're going to travel a journey that you're going to cry yourself to sleep every night and pray until you scream. You're going to give something that's so precious to you that it will tear your heart apart. Only to have it slowly mend back together. Even through the tears, you were given the peace. Your prayers were answered. Not all the boys are worth it but you'll find the one that is. It might not have been when you thought you'd find somebody when you were "ready" but God knew you were ready for him to come into your life and he's going to respect you and treat you like a queen. He's going to make you the happiest girl alive. He's going to make all of the past pain seem almost... worth it.

Tell me Your favorite movie.
If I ever am in the mood for a feel-good movie. This is usually the one that I turn on. If I had watched a sad or scary movie, I pop this in right after.

1 comment:

  1. I hope Olivia's mommy prints that letter off for her. I TREASURED those kind of letters from my birthmom growing up. I treasured ANYTHING and EVERYTHING from my birthmom growing up.