Thursday, June 3, 2010

Guest Blog: My Story

Hey ya'll. I wanted to let you know that this sweet woman, Karine. She's a hopeful adoptive mom who has made her own adoption blog and a blog to share open adoption stories. She asked me a while back to write my story and so I did. She's seriously such a doll. I hope she doesn't mind that I post this. This part below is in the open adoption blog called Matters of the Heart.

My name is Karine and I made this blog because I wanted to share the many things I have learned so far in my adoption journey. (just for the record, I am a hopeful adoptive parent, have not yet been chosen or blessed by a birth mothers love) At first I didn't understand the selfless love these woman were capable of. The strength they had to do the right thing for their child. I didn't understand who these woman were, how they came to these choices and why it is important to have an open adoption. I was uneducated and my fears were that "OPEN" meant the birth parents could come in and take my child from me or that they would want to be the parent and over step their boundaries. NONE OF THIS IS TRUE!!!!!! It is really important that people know this!!!!!! That they realize adoption is about the CHILD. The LOVE for the child. These woman are amazing women!!!!! Sadly many of these woman are not appreciated enough, respected enough or loved enough for their selfless act of love for the child they brought into this world. I took some educational classes on open adoption and about birth mothers through my adoptionagency, LDS Family Services. There was a wonderful birth mother panel one night. I think those are the most effective classes ever! There sat before me were 7 amazing women who chose to place their child with families. ONLY 2 out of the 7 had a wonderful experience with their adoptive couples they chose. Only 2 had an open adoption after papers were signed and the child was placed.ONLY 2 actually received what they were told they would in the relationship with the adoptive family. The rest thought they were going to be able to have an open adoption, but shortly after papers were signed, things were closed off for them. IT BROKE MY HEART to see these woman so badly treated, mislead and lied to. Their heart ache was felt by all those in that room that night. My husband and I sat there with streams of tears flowing down our cheeks. These woman I have come to LOVE AND RESPECT! They are AMAZING to me! I am BLESSED for knowing them! The more I learned the more I realized that these woman don't want to come and take the child back. They just want to be apart of watching the child grow up. They don't want to play MOMMY either.They want to be recognized for who they are, the BIRTH MOTHERS!The wonderful woman who brought these children into the world. They have the RIGHT to LOVE this child as any adoptive parent through out the child's life! The child deserves to have BOTH his Mother's Love, to know where he/she came from.
I know that our birth mother will be able to give our child something I may not be able to give that child, a sense of where they came from.To have an open adoption to me, means making my birth mother family. She will be my friend/sister.We will communicate a lot... our feeligns and thoughts. She will know how I feel and if i am uncomfortable with anything and I will know what her needs are. If she needs more pictures, more communication, even visits or if she needs space. To me, open adoption is about love and the child. Giving that child the best of both worlds. More people to love him/her and to be apart of his/her life. More understanding of how special they are and how Heavenly Father has a plan and purpose for all of us and some of them come through the gift of a birth mothers love.

You can find her adoption (Family Journey into Eternity- Hoping to Adopt and Complete or Family) blog here.
And her open adoption (Matters of the Heart) blog here.
(If you ever want to find them again they are on the side of my blog)

And you can find my story here.

Thank you, Karine :)

And here for your enjoyment some new pictures of Olivia :)


  1. Thank you for posting this, Stef. I am glad to know that there is an adoptive mom out there who will respect the birthmother. That birthmother will be very lucky to have Karine in her life. If only we were all that lucky.

  2. Stefanie, thank you so much! I started to cry as I read your blog!
    OLIVA LOOKS SO HAPPY AND BEAUTIFUL! I love to read your blog and see you through your words and feel your spirit! YOUR AMAZING! YOu have touched my heart from your life journey and testimony! You have a real friend in me! love you girl! Thanks again for allowing me to share your beautiful story with everyone!
    You are helping someone else who might be going through what you did. That is pretty cool!

  3. Hey Stef, I feel like I'm very familiar with your story/Olivia's story but I got a glimpse into more of your feelings and thoughts from this than ever before. And it made me teary. I can't imagine all the emotions and feelings when you said "I'm scared." And telling your dad. And talking to Nic. And with fb not wanting it to happen that way. And all the hurt and confusion.
    I love that we decided on the name together. I love that you came out to visit. (I still can't get over how brave that was of you.) I love that we have so many experiences together. And every time I read your story my heart races and I think, oh my gosh, I can't believe she chose us.
    (And I laughed at the part where you kept saying "Hi" to Olivia at that hospital. I didn't remember that until just now--true and sweet.)
    love ya.