Tuesday, December 22, 2009


I realized I have yet to make a post about Tayler coming to visit.

Well, he was trying to get Saturday (the 12th) off of work so he didn't have to wake up early and drive down from Boise (it's about a 6 hour drive). He ended up having to work and he works until about 1 in the morning. He decided that he had all of this energy right after work and started driving down here. I stayed up with him until he got to Burley. It took him a while to get there because there was actually a snow storm going on and he got there, I think around 4. He let me sleep for a few hours. He ended up getting to my house at about 10 in the morning.
I spent the night over at Jessica's house and he called me when he got to Salt Lake. Jessica and I thought he was going to be a little bit longer so we watched some Tough Love. I told him I'd probably be at my house by the time he got there. He called me and he said, "So, do you want to come outside?" I said, "I'd love to if I was there." Yep, still totally at Jessica's.
Jessica and Tayler went to church with me at 1. We stayed only for sacrament meeting since Tayler didn't get any sleep the night before. Tayler took a nap in my room. I took a nap in the upstairs guest bedroom (don't worry we were separated every night!) haha.

That night Tayler learned how to play Kingsburg. Pretty much tradition for everyone who comes over and has never played.

We also watched Star Trek. Jessica had her friend named Joel come over. Not to get confused, it wasn't my exboyfriend Joel. Haha. I call Jessica's friend Joel, Roberto. Just for that reason.

Then next day Tayler and I went and saw the movie Brothers. It's not that great. It was very unfortunate. We went to the mall and got Olivia's Christmas present. (which she'll be getting tomorrow!) He helped me pick out some things for her. (: He's pretty much the best.

Me, Jessica, Roberto, and Tayler went to JCW's that night and went to Temple Square to see the lights.

Tayler was a complete hater. We were taking pictures by the temple and we decided to do a fake proposal picture. I wanted to do a full on let's make people believe when they walk by that you're really proposing. He wouldn't do that. So he just posed for the picture and when he got down on one knee I yelled, "YES!"

He was like, "SH!" He pretty much wanted to kick me in the FACE after that moment. Not really though, he still likes me. I think. (:

A lot of people believed my joke. Including his mom! She called him and said, "I forgot what I was going to ask you.... oh yeah! Are you getting married?"
Tayler said, "Yeah. Because I'd post it on Facebook before I'd tell you. No, I'm not getting married... yet."

Tayler left the next day.

It's pretty hard having a long distance relationship. But it makes it all worth it when you see each other and you appreciate the time that you spend together more. We talk every night. It's kind of funny because when I was just dating around before, I would get completely bored with guys and run out of things to talk about. We find something new to talk about every day and it's exciting! We also chat it up on Skype.

He is seriously one of the greatest boyfriends of all time. I picked a winner and hope he sticks around for a little while longer (or eternity... ha!).
What I like most about him is that he accepts me for who I am and has forgiven me for my past and is willing to move on to the future.
He lets me talk about Olivia. In past guys that I've dated I've always been too scared to bring her up. I didn't know how much it would bother them. I kind of didn't say a lot about her then as time went on I would keep talking more about her. And he has a conversation with me about her. Either I'm really happy or excited to see her, or when I'm in a sad state when I can't see her and miss her a lot. Anytime, he's willing to hear about her. It makes me happy. And he's so excited to meet her in January.

(It's a little bit sad that I kind of consider Tayler more of a father than Nic because Tayler actually wants to see her.)

Today, Alyssa and I did an adoption presentation at American Fork High School. I have friends who have gone there or are currently still going there. We were able to talk to 3 health classes today about our story about 30 students per class.
Kristin, an adoptive mom, came in and told her story and how she has been touched by adoption. It's simply amazing to hear other people's stories because they are all so different. She was able to get pregnant with her first then they couldn't after that. She has adopted a little boy and is adopting another boy in February.

Alyssa and I told our stories.

I pretty much talked about how in high school I used to think girls who got pregnant were sluts. But I told them, it's not true, and after my experience I can't judge girls for what has happened to them. They may have gotten pregnant out of rape or incest.
Alyssa's adoptive mom told us in the last class to kind of talk about staying abstinent. I did an... awesome job. Not.

I said, "There really is no such thing as 'safe sex.' The only way you can't get pregnant is if you abstain from sex. It's not fun... well... it is... but..."
I failed.

Here are some of the few questions that we got:

"Is the child going to be confused when they're older since it's an open adoption? Will they know who you are? Is it hard on them?"

If they are taught the correct way (and from what I have learned is to teach them from a young age that they are adopted) they won't be confused. They will know their parents as their parents and know me as Stefanie, her angel/tummy mommy. It's more difficult to find out when you're older that you're adopted because a lot of unanswered questions come up about yourself and you want to find out more. More kids with closed adoptions have tried to find their birth parents because they want to know where they came from.

"Can you take the baby back?"

No. Adoption is VERY different than it was 20 years ago and you hear stories of birth moms taking their babies back. And some people think that more girls would want to take their babies back because it's an open adoption. Which is completely OPPOSITE. Birth moms would want to fight back for their babies BECAUSE it was a closed adoption. With an open adoption you get to know more about how your baby is doing and you get to choose the couple that parent your baby. 20 years ago they just had the couples in a list and whoever was at the top of the list had your baby. You had NO idea if these people were good people. It was a closed adoption. No idea where your baby was and if it was safe. And the only way you could be at peace is if you knew your baby was okay, and so you knew he/she was going to be if they stayed with you.
The relinquishment papers are very thorough and it says you can't be under the influence of drugs while signing the papers (not even pain killers from after giving birth). It says on the paper that once you sign you can't change your mind.

"When your baby gets older in their teen years can they have the choice whether or not they can live with you or with the adoptive parents?"

No. Once the adoption is finalized, Olivia is bound to Dustinn and Val, legally. Like you are legally bound to your parents until you're 18. Olivia can't come to me one day and tell me she wants to live with me because she's mad at her parents. It just doesn't work that way.

I had kids ask me if me and Nic were still together. I let them know that we weren't together anymore and that I'm currently dating someone amazing.

I told them at the end of my presentation that before I got pregnant. I would imagine going to the hospital, having my baby, and being so excited to take my baby home from the hospital in my arms. But this time, I went home empty handed from the hospital. I got there pregnant. Left there without a baby to show and that's the reason why I was standing there telling my story because I didn't want them to experience that and I would want them to take their babies home with them someday.

I don't think any of you want an update on Nic. But some of Nic's family came into my work the other day and I asked how he was doing. His mom told me that she didn't know. He has lost his job, doesn't know where he's living, they can't get a hold of him. He was supposed to be at a Christmas party or something and he didn't show up. He has his mom's truck and for all she knows is that he might be sleeping in it. (I told this to one of the classes and everyone was like, he's a loser! I'm like, Yep. I'm so glad I didn't marry him!)
I did text him today because I'll be seeing Olivia tomorrow and wanted to see if he wanted to see her. He said that he wasn't sure if he could because he was spending Christmas with his family and I told him, "Well. Christmas isn't for two days. I'm sure you can come out and see her."

It bothers me to the core that he can't just say, "I love my daughter but it's too hard for me to see her." That's all he has to say instead of just leading us to believe he does want to see her when in reality, he doesn't. I just hope he can grow a back bone and just say it because I don't want to see Olivia be hurt by him like I was. He doesn't mean to, I'm sure, but he put me on an emotional roller coaster. He'd say he'd be there for something and then completely bail. It's no surprise to me that this is a regular trend since he couldn't be a father and completely bailed.
I'm not going to cover up how I feel about him. I'm being blunt and I'm sorry if this offends people but this is just how I see it.

I don't want Olivia to be upset when she's older because her birth mom will see her, but not her birth father. He will make the commitment then pretend he never made the commitment. I had a TON of abandonment issues growing up. Nic worsened it for me. And I don't want her to have to deal with abandonment or her immature birth father that plays games.
If I would've known this is what was going to happen in the future with Nic. I wouldn't have let him know anything about her or let him be involved in her life. I did it for HER benefit. I did it so he knew about his biological daughter and it hurts me as her birth mom, that he couldn't care less what he did. I'm done complaining. (:

Olivia will be 3 months old tomorrow.
9 more days until Boise!


  1. Stef! I want to meet your cute boy!! :D When does he come down to Utah Next in January? And Yay! Olivia is 3 Months? Holy Cow! Time flies way too fast! She's so dang cute! And I'm so glad that Tayler treats you like his Queen! It makes me so happy to hear! I Love it! I'm so glad that you're happy! And have someone to talk about Olivia with other than family and close friends! And actually care to listen! You know what I mean! I'm So happy for you! And your presentation sounds so fun! I'm glad you were able to do it! And I hope it helps make a difference to people that were able to listen, and hope that was a changing moment for them! If you know what I mean?

    Long Distance relationship... yeah... kind of know the feeling like that with Kevin right now... He left to California last Friday and he'll be there for 3 weeks! I have already missed his Birthday(which was Saturday, and I took it off for no reason at all... so I went on a Date with Collin on a Brother/Sister Date;) And saw Abbie sing in her Preschool Christmas Program! So fun and so cute! :D Merry Christmas Stefanie! :D Love ya tons! <3

  2. I'm really happy for you. :) You deserve a good guy! And I think it's awesome that you make those presentations. What abandonment issues did you have growing up? Did you feel abandoned when Rachel and I left for college? I didn't know you loved us so much. :) hehehehe

  3. Wow, it looks like you had a great time hanging out with your boyfriend. He seems like a really sweet guy. I'm so happy to hear that he lets you talk about Olivia. I also think it's great that you were able to share your adoption story with some high schoolers. I know that it will help others understand all the aspects of adoption and accidental pregnancies. Have a very Merry Christmas!

  4. Just stopping by to wish you (and Tayler) a Merry Christmas!!

  5. Hey Stef! I didn't know your boyfriend live's in Boise? Cody & I have close family in Boise. We're gonna start going up there often! :). Thats so crazy. We're going up there for a new year's party. I wonder if he know's any of them? Hmmmm. Anyways, I always love reading your blog doll.

  6. Such cute cute pics. and so happy for you. You seem to be so much stronger and happier now. Keep smiling and writing. Your blog is wonderful. :)