Friday, November 6, 2009


I'm grateful for...

1. Horoscopes
2. Friends
3. Power of Music

Horoscopes- Well, on my Facebook I have signed up to see my daily horoscope. I used to check it everyday but not so much anymore. But I swear EVERY time I look at it. It's something creepily correct. I think I remember reading one of them the day I went into labor and it said something like, "be patient. You might not want to ask for help but let it happen if people want to help you."
If you don't know me, I can be the most stubborn person on the planet. Thank you, Taurus.

This is my horoscope for today.
"Feels like a time for change in your intimate and personal partnerships. A sense of emotional coolness or detachment at the personal level all combined with an emphasis on idealism. Your tolerance for those who's energies aren't in tune with yours is becoming more noticeable. Definitely a time to consider making some changes or even talking about the issues at hand."

I'm obviously looking for friends or guys who have the same values as me. It's hard when I still have my old friends and still had those old habits that I don't want to get into. It's hard to drop them off the face of the Earth or just be acquaintance's.
I have been struggling with that. Because they will contact me and to be nice I will reply. But at times I just know who they are and what they do. I try to stay away from them as much as I can so I can't be put in a bad situation.
I definitely have been considering making some changes or even talking about the issues at hand with someone. Aka Bishop.

Friends- My friend Alyssa, who is a birth mom as well, made a blog. And she posted some beautiful things about me. She is an awesome friend. I can't believe how much we've both been through and we've both been through the same thing. Yet at the same time we had different things happening within our adoption story.
Birth moms have this unspeakable bond towards each other. We all feel the heartache. We hear of their experiences and remember what it was like. Sometimes, girls don't even have to talk about their story. A girl has recently placed her baby for adoption in our group and when I found out she had her baby. My heart HURT. I wanted to break down and just cry because I remember all the emotions and thoughts of giving birth, of holding your baby for the first time, saying hello and goodbye, and seeing your baby with his/her new parents.
Alyssa is honestly my spirit sister. She listens to me when I'm complaining STILL about the baby's daddy. Even though, I shouldn't. She's amazing!
So is my friend Jessica- she has been there through me most of me growing up and going through my rebellious stage. She and I got the hint around the same time that we needed to grow up. We did. We have matured and she is a beautiful lady!

Power of Music- Speaking of Jessica. She works at a nursing home. Her mom and a friend of hers sang some songs to the elderly. I love music. I love how much it touches our hearts. I mean, sometimes words aren't enough, or you can't say the right words. Yet with music, it comes out so fluently and perfect, you wish that's how you could speak.
Jessica's mom and her friend sang the song, "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride.
Just in the first verse I broke DOWN. Jessica's mom has known about Olivia and the adoption and she looked over at me and had to have her friend sing the song because she started crying, once she saw me crying.

"In My Daugher's Eyes"- Martina McBride
In my daughter's eyes
I am a hero I am strong and wise
And I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I want to be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
Everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light
And the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
Gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh, It puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hanging on when your heart
Has had enough
It's giving more when you feel
Like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
I can see the future
A reflection of who I am
And what will be
And though she'll grow
And someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see
How happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

While looking up the lyrics and videos on Youtube, I also found this song, I believe it was on Quest for Camelot. Julianna goes to save King Arthur and Camelot. I think that this song could be sung by a birth mom to an adoptive couple or adoptive mother.

A Mother's Prayer

I pray you'll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go

Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe

I pray she finds your light
And holds it in her heart
As darkness falls each night
Remind her where you are

Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Need to find a place
Guide her with your grace
Give her faith so she'll be safe

Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe



  1. Aw Stef I loved this post. Thank you for being so open with your experiences and feelings. In our eyes as well as your daughter's, you are a hero.

  2. How funny that you posted that about music. I know I don't "know" you. But yesterday I heard a song and randomly thought of you. "Heal Over" by K.T. Tunstall. Just the words made me think of you. Someday you will heal over. Trust me. It takes time and I'm not saying it will be easy. But it will happen. I've been lucky enough to find an amazing man that I've been married to for 11 years. It will happen for you just the way God intended. I continue to pray for you daily. Stay strong.