Tuesday, July 14, 2009


I'm home now from my wonderful week in Virginia.
P.S. you all stink at leaving comments, how dare you not leave me comments on my last post? Whatev. I expect about 50 for this one because there are going to be a MILLION pictures.
Even the people who are afraid to comment on my blog. GO FOR IT.
No hata's (that's gangster for: haters) please!

So, I'll start from where I left off.
Friday, after we watched Stick It- B was still sleeping- we put in The Notebook. V's favorite movie.
Then after that we went to Olive Garden and L brought a friend with her.
After that we went to the monuments.
There was an emotional time in the car because it had been on my mind. I needed to talk to them about the birth plan but I didn't exactly know how to say it or what to say. L and her friend were in another car and it was me, D, V, and B in the other. And we talked and I asked D to cut the cord. Then I told V she could hold Olivia first. And I just started crying after I told her that. She was just like, "You don't need to do that. You'd want to hold her first." And I told her, "She's yours. You can." Ha. I'm almost about to cry now just thinking about it.
I figure the doctor will probably put her in my arms first. But I think it'd just be cool to have them see and hold their daughter first. It'll all just be amazing though to even see her and hold her.
Then we came home late and put Bradshaw to bed and played Kingsburg.

Saturday, me, D, and V went to the holocaust museum. L stayed home and watched B while we were gone. We went back and watched Push. I was starting to fall asleep and V needed to go print off more pictures for the scrapbook at Wal*Mart so I went with her and we got to talk and bond. :) ha.
I'm trying to think of what we did after that. Horrible memory :(
I remember now. We went to Kings Street and walked down and looked at all the shops. There was a clothing store for babies but it was closed. But it had such cute things in the window. We ate at 5 guys, burgers, and fries. Ha. They're definitely the Dubs comp out here. But I tried it. I still think JCW's is better. :)
Then we watched some fireworks. It was funny. It was super crowded and the spot we chose was kind of lame. Because we couldn't see the fireworks. There were trees in front of it so we ended up moving just a little bit over. I got some pretty cool pictures of that.

Sunday, we went to church. Then after B took his nap we played Kingsburg and then we went to the Jefferson Memorial, which is D's favorite.
V and I also saw the White house.
I don't think we played Kingsburg that night.

Monday, V, L, B, and I went swimming at the pool. It was fun and relaxing. No sunburns. Which is a surprise if you saw my delicate fair skin in person.
We went back and let B take a nap. V and I worked on the scrapbook and watched, He's Just Not That Into You and then watched Confessions of a Shopaholic.
Then we waited until D got home and we ate dinner and went out to Rita's. They have custard ice cream. It was very rich. Super good. It was almost fluffy like frosting or something.
I enjoyed it. I wish there was one out here.

I'm trying to remember, I think we were on our way to the white house/Jefferson memorial and V's idea was to make wishes for Olivia.
It was just really random ones. I wished for her to have blonde, naturally curly hair. V wished for her to have blue eyes, which she will because N and I both have blue eyes.
Hahaha. I remember L wished she had an interest in music and V says, BORING! And D says, I wish for her to be happy. And L yells, AND MINE WAS BORING?! ha. I loved it.
We wished for lots of things for her to be athletic and for B and her to be the best of friends.

They also grilled me with 20 questions the day we went out for the picnic and the decapitated bird died on me. I guess it's a family tradition. But I don't mind. I kind of like to fill out questionnaries and things but it was interesting to do it in person.

Monday night, we sat down and just talked. I texted Loni to ask her what I needed to ask D and V and she told me she would call me. So she did. And she told me what I needed to tell them or ask them.
Most of it was pretty much already done. I was trying to figure out when they were coming out here. V and B are coming out here on the 17th and D will be flying in between the 17-21 or something like that.
I think we watched Juno on Sunday and in the scene when Juno's water breaks and yells, "Thundercats are GO!" That is our code when I'm in labor.
Placement will be at the hospital. They have to say 7-10 days after she's born, The ICPC? Ha. I totally just looked it up. It's the Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children. I'm not exactly sure what all of that means or what it includes in that magical package but I just know they have to stay in Utah for a week.
I just think placement would be a lot harder on me if I waited to do it like the day before they left for Virginia because I'd have a week with her of being "her mom." When V is really her mom. So, yeah.

Then today, V and I finished up the scrapbook. I took it home with me to put it in a bigger binder and add on a few pages and to buy stickers and crafty things.
Afterwards, we tried to fit in sometime to go swimming. My flight departed at 5:30. We went swimming at 3 and then left at 3:30 and I had to shower really quick. I was done around 4 and got to the airport around 4:30.
V and D walked me to the security line and said goodbye. I really didn't want to go. It was so much fun. :)
After I saw them walking away, I almost started crying. But I didn't. I tried not to anyway because I was more focused on buying snacks and trying to hurry and get on my flight.

I watched Gossip Girl on the way. I still have a few more episodes left to watch. But it was pretty insane. I almost cried.
I'll kind of try to tell you.
Serena (is pretty much the main girl) and Dan (her on and off again boyfriend)- their parents (Serena's mom, Lily and Dan's dad, Rufus) had a fling like in high school or whatever. Lily was married Bart Bass (pretty much the richest guy of Manhattan) and Bart had a private investigator trying to cover up a ton of stuff in their lives. I guess, Lily went to a hospital when she was about 19 years old. And Bart's investigator found out why she was really there. After Bart found out I guess he was on his way to talk to Lily about it and got in a car accident and died. I know, brutal.
His son Chuck, found out about it and blamed Lily and Rufus for the death of his father. Lily's mom has hated Rufus because of what happened to Lily at 19 but he had no idea. I guess Rufus and Lily were planning on going on a trip and when he showed up to pick her up or something he said to her, "All I want to know is if it's a boy or a girl."

I'm thinking WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! At first I thought Lily was pregnant with Bart's baby. Then at the same time I thought she was pregnant with Rufus' baby because I think they hooked up before her and Bart got married.
But then I remembered it had to do with why she was at the hospital when she was 19.

Lily had a baby at 19 years old and placed it for a closed adoption and never told Rufus and had her and her mom hide it from him. How horrible is that? Now her son that she placed is 19 years old. I just was thinking how crazy it was. I could NEVER hide this from N. I wouldn't have the heart to do it. I think it would kill me inside to even think about it. But Rufus freaked out because, well, he has had 2 other kids so he's like, I had a son and didn't even know about. I've had a son for 19 years! Whoa. Yeah.
But what Lily said made me almost cry on the plane. She was just like, I was so young and couldn't take care of a baby. And he said he understood why she did it. Then she said, But you need to understand that as much as it's hurting you now that you didn't know. That you don't realize how much of a hole it's left me, wondering about him everyday if he was happy if it was the right thing to do.

They end up going to the adoption agency and since it was a closed adoption. Their son would have to put his name out there saying he was searching but he wasn't. And so the agency contacted the adoptive couple and they said they didn't want to meet with them. But the adoptive dad called Rufus later and said he would meet with them but didn't want his wife to know.
So they met for dinner and the adoptive dad told them that a year ago their son died in some sort of accident. He had drown or something. And that's why the adoptive mom didn't want to meet with them because it was so hard on her.
But later on after Lily and Rufus leave, the adoptive mom comes up and says, did they believe it? They even gave them a newspaper clipping. And the adoptive dad said that Lily and Rufus had money and could take him away and they had already lost one son and could lose another.

I have a feeling that sometime later on in this season that they'll find out about it. Ugh. That makes me SO mad. All they kept saying was that they just wanted to talk to him and see him. They weren't there to take him away. I mean, he's had his whole life. It wasn't like they could just take them and try to keep raising them as their parents. It frustrates me that the couple would keep the birth mom/parents from seeing their own baby... well... he's not really a baby anymore. But still, he's still their kid. I just don't understand how couples could be so ungrateful about that birth mom sacrificing her own flesh and blood for another family as much as she loves and wants her baby, she is doing something that she knows that will let him have a better life. They could atleast give her that much of seeing/talking to her son when she went through the emotional and physical pain that bringing a child into the world does to a mother.

Boo. But it just made me think about N and if years from now he'd do the same thing and try to find Olivia... well, he wouldn't try very hard to find her because it's an open adoption. But try to find her and get to know her after he's had his own kids. Because to me, it would be frustrating to be like, I had a daughter I never knew. The adoption will be very open. Atleast, I hope it will be. I'll probably try to visit atleast once in the summer and then for her birthday. I know I would fly out there when they'd have her baby blessing and her baptism. I just don't know if it'll keep getting harder every year, whenever I get married and start my own family, we might have to be neighbors or something. Ha.

There was another thing that kind of made me think on the trip. When V and I were working on the scrapbook. B was awake (we tried to do it during his naptime) and he saw and pointed at N's picture and yelled, "Daddy!" I thought it was cute that he did that. But it made me think about other things. That N will probably never hear his daughter say that. I honestly don't know how open he wants his end of the adoption to be. It also just made me sad to think about having her, how much of all of this going on would be different if different things happened. Like if N and I did get married. It would bring joy to me to hear her call N, daddy and me, mommy. I know that D will be a good dad to Olivia so I'm happy about it. He's a good guy. And V will be an awesome mom :) So I'm not too worried. There are just days that you will have to think about the future when you don't want to because you're afraid of it. But sometimes you have to face your fears.

Oh well, talk to you all later. Goodnight.

I'll do a whole picture blog tomorrow because it's midnight. It's like 2 AM in Virginia. I've been on and off about Utah and Virginia time. I'll get used to it soon. But here are some pictures.
Jasper has gotten HUGE. I was so surprised! But still super vicious. Daaaaang it.

29 weeks along.

30 weeks along. :) I bought that shirt at the DC airport. I'm such a tourist.


  1. Honestly, girl. I don't know how you can do it. I really admire your strength with adopting Olivia. It's going to be so good for her. I love my Faye, and I worry everyday about how our future is going to look. I worry about whether or not I'm being a good mommy and whether or not I'll ever be able to fully support her without having to live with family. I know in my heart that I will be able to because I want it that badly, but it's a struggle. Olivia will be taken care of s well. You better call me when you have her. :P I want pictures too.

  2. I just have to point out, the D.C. shirt Stefanie is wearing is a size SMALL. Yep. She's 30 weeks pregnant and still easily wears size small. Crazy girl. =)

  3. Hi. I'm another one of Val's sisters, Polly. I also go by Pancho... according to Dustinn, and I'm #8 in my family. My Dad is really into Gossip Girl... He's a unique man. I'm the one Val is usually quoting when she says BORING! We/My family and I would love to meet you in person some time. I feel like I know you already from the blog. :D
    Hope to see you soon!

  4. Kristen- I admire you! Being a single mom and having a baby must be super difficult. And of course, I'll call you! And lots and lots of pictures! :)

    Val- The shirt stretches :) I know. I was bummed that no one said anything about the ultrasound pictures.

    Pancho- Shut the front door! hahah. Your dad likes Gossip Girl?! That is incredible. Every single guy I know thinks I'm a freak for watching it. It's just so intense. :) And do I want to know why you are Pancho? And of course, you can meet me anytime!

  5. Stef, you're an adorable pregnant lady! Thanks for letting me visit your blog--it sounds like the open adoption will really let you be involved...that's a very cool blessing. I kept wanting to cry as I read your post because there was so much strength and love and hope written between the lines. Life can be so ridiculously complicated, and it is good when I see that my friends are being taken care of, even when it is super bittersweet.

    I can't wait to see pictures of the little baby girl. I think she will find you so strong for all the difficult decisions you had to make for her. You are a beautiful woman, Stef. Love you, girl.

  6. Stefanie -- I'm Elisse, Dustinn's younger sister. I read your blog sometimes. I love reading updates about Olivia! Those ultrasound pictures are insane. I can't believe how much they can see.

    My husband (Brad) and I are so excited for Olivia to join the family. Our nephews and nieces are such a huge part of our lives. She will be so lucky to have Dustinn and Val, and Bradshaw, of course. They are just about the best parents I could possibly imagine. And she's very lucky to have you.

    We live in Provo so we hope to be able to see Olivia after she's born!

    PS, my favourite is the Jefferson Memorial, too! Like brother like sister.

  7. What a JOYOUS relationship you have with Dustinn & Val!!! You are ALL INCREDIBLY BLESSED!!!!!! Especially Olivia! There are no words that will adequately describe the amazing emotional and spiritual family bonding that will take place in your delivery room irregardless of who holds the princess first. :) I am SO VERY, VERY happy for you Stefanie!!! I love you and admire you more than you will ever know!

    Quote *** You say, "I just don't understand how couples could be so ungrateful about that birth mom sacrificing her own flesh and blood for another family as much as she loves and wants her baby, she is doing something that she knows that will let him have a better life. They could atleast give her that much of seeing/talking to her son when she went through the emotional and physical pain that bringing a child into the world does to a mother."
    ********** I say, "AMEN" ***************

    You say, "Thundercats are GO!"
    I say, "Ha! Awesome!! LOVE IT!!"

    P.S. I have loved our tours of D.C. I am so glad you went!! My favorite is the WWII Memorial by day and Jefferson by night. Favorite restaurant, "Old Ebbitt Grill" a block or so from the White House.

  8. Sounds like you had a lot of fun. :) Totally jealous.

    And I made a comment on your u/s pictures on Facebook, I figured that would be good.

  9. hehehe! That is awesome that you had such a great time in Virginia!! :D I like wise had fun in California!! It was so nice to get out for a while and just breath and be able to have fun! :D It was awesome!! :D