Friday, July 24, 2009
31 weeks and my friend's dog named Abby. She's probably my favorite dog ever.
This is kind of intense. I don't normally do these. I'm 23 weeks pregnant here.
31 WEEKS BABBBBY!! That line is not a stretch mark P.S. it's from my shirt.
Yes, I'm 32 weeks today. But, I haven't posted any 31 week pictures.
A friend of mine had her baby a few days ago. I can't say her name because it's confidential. :)
But, it was a really neat experience. I went and saw her at the hospital maybe 2 hours after she delivered. Just being around her was so peaceful. She was just really content with everything. She is placing for adoption. And it was so neat. I got to meet her couple who are the sweetest people in the world. I really look up to her. I honestly, almost got emotional when I found out she delivered. It has been so incredible to see her, she's a trooper.
It makes me SO excited, even though I have 2 more months. I just want to start planning everything now. That's probably why I'm kind of laying down the law with a certain person. This is how I see it. He can believe he has the rights to see her because he helped make her. But really, he got the easy, fun part. If you know what I mean. Ha. Then I get the 10 months of sickness, weight gain, fatigue. Not to mention, I get to go through the pain of labor and delivery. He then gets to have the fun of holding her and loving her. Yeah, no. If I have to work for it. He has to as well. He may not be physically or emotionally attached to her right now. He can at the least support me or help me when I ask him for it. He doesn't really know how to be involved so, guys who are dads or soon-to-be dads, you can leave me some comments about what you think I should tell him or how he can help be a support. I have no idea. He feels like it's all for me but Olivia is not her own person. So yes, it's mostly just emotional support. I'm not asking for financial or physical support. More just having the idea of if he supports me, than he supports her. It's more of a state of mind type of thing. That I know if he cares about me, he cares about her. But I'm not saying care as in, he HAS to love me, he HAS to be with me, it's just a genuine care for the person carrying his baby.
I know a lot of people are telling me all the time not to give him the time of day. Not to be harsh, but this is what I have to say. 1. He isn't my husband. He's not going to be there for me everyday after she's born. I don't get to come home to him every night and know he'll be there to support. Because he isn't there, we're not getting married, we don't live together. I don't know everyday that he would really want to be there for Olivia. 2. You probably have never been pregnant or had that emotional connection with someone to understand why I would want him to be there. Even though that there has been so much drama and hurt, it doesn't take away that Olivia is part him. You are reminded of that when you take your first at home pregnancy test that you didn't make this baby by yourself. You are reminded when you hear her heartbeat for the first time and he's not there to listen. You are reminded when you're throwing up and cursing that he's the reason why you are. You are reminded when he's with you at the first ultrasound and smiling at her. You are reminded when you feel her kick and know that he's never felt that.
Ew, I'm getting emotional writing all of that.
Anyway, I'm trying to be excited. I think when Dustinn and Val come out here for Val's sisters wedding, I want them to meet him. Because he would've had to wait until at the hospital. Surprise, these are the parents of your child! That would probably be a bitter moment for him if he meet them after she was born. I don't know, actually. I don't know how he feels about all of it. We'll see what all happens. But I'm for real, guys, any guys really. Or if girls want to give their advice too. What specifically can I do or not do to help him come around? Trust me, I've been working on it for 8 months. I've been working on ignoring him. I've been working on writing letters to him about how I feel. I've been working on talking to him in person how I feel. I get nothing. So when I feel like I get nothing, I feel like he deserves nothing. I'm not a person to hold grudges so I wouldn't be able to do that. I've told him a simple conversation with me would help me out, if he texted me back, called me back, whatever. I understand that maybe in the beginning that he decided to stay away to make me realize that we were never getting back together. Got the hint, buddy. You can come around now for your daughter. Not for me.
It makes me excited for Olivia to be here to meet new people. Or for everyone to meet her. It'll be really cool. I kind of want to a baby shower/open house? after she's born so people who didn't get to meet her at the hospital can come or haven't met Dustinn and Val or me. Whatev. It'll be a BLAST. :) Oh the joy of little babies.
I'm dubbing my sister RuthAnn to be in charge of all the photos in the hospital. She has to capture every moment. She better not fail me. :) Oh man, is it almost September yet?!?!