Well, I wanted to share this with you. I'm going to try to keep this short since American Idol is starting and it's Frank Sinatra night (oh yeah, you know where my priorities are).
Dustinn and Val sent me a birthday present all the way from Virginia. Out of all the things that they got me. The thing that meant the most was the little purple dress they gave me that was Olivia's. I bought it for Olivia for her baby shower and also for the professional pictures we took. I didn't know how much this gift would really effect me. A little not on the dress was, "We wanted to give you something sentimental from when Olivia was a newborn. She was so fragile and precious." It makes me realize how much I miss just my little newborn. Yeah, I see her grow up in pictures she'll be 8 months old at the end of this month. She's probably going to start walking soon!
But it's those moments that you miss that little one in your arms that you remember. And I think it was a few nights later. I picked up the dress and I stared at the picture that she sent me with me and Olivia at her baby shower. And I cradled the dress and cried. I wanted nothing in the world in that moment but to hold my little girl again.
I got a little card from Dustinn and Valery that they made. And on the front it says, "I love my birth-mommy!"
And on the inside by the picture it says, "This beautiful girl exists because of you."
Sometimes the littlest card can be the biggest reminder. There are days where I'm like, "Seriously? I had a baby?" It's sort of a dream to me. But it's not. There are days that I'll remember the pain and heartache I went through such as nights of holding that dress and I know it really did happen. I sometimes look at pictures of her and I'm like, "She's theirs, not mine." Sounds crazy. But it's true. She has my awesome good looks but she's Dustinn and Val's daughter.
Birthmother's day is this Saturday. Oh yeah, I have my own HOLIDAY. whaaatttt! Of course, it's the day before mother's day. I don't know how I feel about it though. I mean, it's a little tradition in the family ward to give out flowers to all the mama's. So Birthmother's day is, "Well, sorry you don't have a baby to show off- but have a holiday, but not so much a holiday because if it were during the week, you wouldn't get school off. If you have to work, you wouldn't get work off, and you don't get a flower on Sunday." Thanks. I appreciate it. That probably sounds way rude. But it's what I think. I have mixed feelings about Mother's day. I think a girl asked why there wasn't an adoptive mother's day. Well, because they are a mother. They have our little one.
Well, to celebrate Birthmother's day. I'm going all out. Baha. Not really. This Saturday is a Birthmother's walk? It's at Provo high school. It's at 9 AM. If you are associated with adoption in any way. Goooooo! Support the birth mama's in your life, community, friends, sisters, family, whatevs.
Anyway, Thanks for all the birthday wishes. And a public thank you to Dustinn and Val for being so WONDERFUL. They're moving this week so they'll be a thousand miles closer? Ish? That's all I got. American Idol and GLEE are on tonight. I work early tomorrow. Bummer. :(
Vote for Lee Dewyze.