Thursday, October 22, 2009

Hospital Videos

I finally got around to uploading the hospital videos.

I hung out with Alyssa yesterday. I jumped on her trampoline. The first time I've done that in like a year. It was like the first time jumping on a trampoline all over again. Hilarious. I did two backhand springs though. 4 weeks postpartum. That's right. :)
My body is sore though.

So for group yesterday. It was absolutely AMAZING. It was a husbands of birthmothers panel.
There is a girl that comes to group and she placed 8 years ago on Christmas, so her husband (#1) came and spoke. Then another girl placed a little bit longer and I guess she's come a few times but I don't remember her and her husband (#2) was there.
Husband #1 talked a lot and he was SO sweet. He said that he was in his wife's singles ward and was her home teacher and the way that she could get to know him is have her best friend ask him out on a date. So while they were out her best friend asked him if she knew the birth father and he was like, "Oh yeah, didn't he knock up some girl?" Yeah. Totally his wife. He felt bad because he didn't know.
Husband #2 was the typical BYU guy wanting to get married right away. He was in her singles ward too and she told him that she had to go back to Florida for like 3 months. So the week before she left they went out like every night. Then when she came home from Florida that night, he proposed. The next day is when she told him. And she said to him, "Even though I said yes, I have to tell you something." And he built it up inside to be the worst thing possible. Like she was a felon or something. So when she told him he was like, "That's it? That's not bad." At that time she had placed 5 or 6 years before so she didn't talk much about it and was basically kind of over it.

We asked them some questions.
They said to tell the guy sort of right away and if he thinks it's weird or awkward then to just leave him and he doesn't fully understand repentance and the atonement.
Husband #1 said that he went on a mission and that he had a pretty close relationship with God but it doesn't come anywhere near our relationship that we've had with Him. We've had to constantly seek Him out. And he was directing to the other girls who were still pregnant that the difficulty isn't over for them and they still need His guidance.

We asked them how often they talk about it with their wives. And Husband #2 said rarely because by the time she told him about her baby, she had already moved on. And there's not much to talk about when it's a closed adoption because you only know them the day they're born (and keep in contact up until 5 years with some cases). Husband #1 said that it had only been a year after since his wife had placed when they started dating. So he was there for her when the letters stopped coming after 5 years and how hard it was on her. And that every Christmas that they have a birthday cake for her baby.

We asked them if their kids knew about adoption or going to let them know. Husband #2 said that they'll use it later on in life and that their kids don't know. That their kids will probably find out when they're teenagers so they can use it as there are consequences to your actions. But solutions to your actions. Which I thought was smart. Husband #1 said that their daughter, who is 4, knows what adoption is and if you ask her she says, "Adoption is when a mommy has a baby and gives it to another mommy who can't have babies." And he totally cried when he said that.

We asked them what it was like for them to be with their wives after their first kid together since they had gone through it before. Husband #2 said he never had really thought about that until now if it was any different for his wife because they rarely ever talk about it. Husband #1 said that he constantly thought about it and knew that it might be pretty difficult for her. And all he said to her is that we have to hold on tight to this little one and never let it go. He was saying that it's been the biggest blessing for him to have his kids crawl into their bed early in the morning and just loves them to death.

I'm sitting there crying, thinking, I so want that. Someday to share that with someone. To have my babies crawl into bed with me in the morning. To have this wonderful life. I mean, I already experienced having a baby and that was the greatest thing for me.

I was looking at those videos late last night and the emotions of that day flooded back to me. And I miss it. I wish I could just stop time right then. I was on cloud nine. One of the happiest days of my life.


  1. Olivia looks so relaxed getting her hair washed. And I love the one of her just sleeping after her bath. She's so sweet.

    That's very cool that you got to hear from husbands birth mothers. Having a family is a good goal. I kind of want to give you a reality check that it's not always going to be cloud nine, but I suspect that you already know that. :)

  2. Those videos are so precious! What a cool memory to have saved for you! It sounds like group was awesome! Stef you are seriously so amazing and I know that because of that you WILL have what they were talking about. You will be the best mommy ever to your children especially because of your experience with Olivia. There is one lucky guy out there for you and I can't wait for you to meet him.

  3. Such a good post!! Thanks for sharing about group...those sound like some amazing it just shows birthmoms are really amazing people and end up with equally wonderful spouses.

  4. OH my Gosh! Yeah! That is so cute! I Love the Videos! They were way cute! And appreciate to hear of what you're learning in group that is so amazing! You really helped me look at Adoption in a different eye! Knowing that it is the right thing, but it is a testimony as well, it is something that if you want to know, you gotta search for it for yourself(of which I know you did), but with me... seeing you go through this whole thing, it makes me realize of how hard of a choice it is. And when it happens, your life is truly blessed! And know that you can feel some empathy to those that are choosing that path for their kids! I really truly do look up to you Stef! You are amazing! :D And I agree with Val! :D it is amazing how truly blessed birth moms are! :D they are blessed just as much as the adoptive parents! :D