Hungry.

I'm posting this as cautiously as possible. Hoping that I won't hurt anybody's feelings. This is mostly directed to birthmoms because I REALLY feel like I'm the only one that has felt this way and it's driving me insane.

Babies.

That is my subject. Being pregnant again. Being a mom again. Whatever it is. Every other girl that I know is either pregnant or has recently had a child within the past 6 or so months. I know it's only been a year for me so I shoudn't complain. But I never have had the urge to want a baby so badly in my life.

Apparently, I've been told it's something in the water... Well, I'm not drinking the same DANG water! Haha. Not that I could right now anyway.

I always thought of it as a sign that maybe I'm supposed to have a baby. I was SO torn up about it last Sunday that it brought me to tears. I didn't understand why I was given this huge desire to have a baby but I can't have one right now. What's with the tease? I know I could if I wanted to take out my IUD. I also know babies are a huge responsibility. I'm not blind about it. I don't know if it's just the thought that I'm craving to hold that little newborn in my arms again? That maybe I just can't wait? Now that I'm married I can raise a baby? I don't know. Maybe someone could help me out with it.

Along with this. I also had another break down about it like two days before. Yeah. I'm not proud to say that I've cried more than once over about this. That's why I'm just wondering if I'm just going insane. But I realized that even though I have prayed about it. I never really prayed with T to pray about it, as a couple.

We both knelt down in prayer. I told him that maybe he should say it because I woud probably fall apart at the seams. He told me it's okay if I did and that I should say it. I remember asking and then I got this really calm, comfortable feeling. The answer actually struck me during the prayer and I said it in my prayer. I said something like, "Please, guide us as we're preparing to go into thy Holy house to be sealed as a couple like Thou has asked us."

I know that someday Tayler and I will build an ETERNAL family. I know God is looking out for us and knows our desires and what we need right now. And in my prayer, I know he answered by telling me that I didn't need to focus on having a baby. That's not what He's asking of us. He's asking of us to be sealed in the Temple. That's our main focus and should be. I guess I've just been caught up in who's having a baby or getting pregnant and wish I was one of those girls. I probably complained all the time while I was pregnant that I was huge, tired, ugly, sick, whatever. But I look back at it and I had a REALLY easy pregnancy. I didn't get super huge. But that wasn't what was the big picture. I wasn't going to be pregnant forever. And the little kicks reminded me of the sweet spirit about to welcomed into this world and placed in MY arms. 

I miss those moments. I miss that constant companion. I know that I should probably just enjoy right now being a newlywed. Once I have babies, that's an 18+ years of obligation. But you know, I might complain about the wait and say how much I hate it. I know that once it's here, I will completely (hopefully) enjoy every minute with my little stinkers. :)

Check out my formspring. It's been awhile. Ask me something! Anything :) It can be anonymous. But I won't post meany/offensive questions. :(