Saturday I watched conference. My favorite talk of the whole weekend was Elder Holland's talk. That was Saturday afternoon.
Part 1 ^^
Part 2 ^^
Tayler came to visit for Easter weekend. I worked Saturday night. General conference weekend is probably our busiest weekend. This year wasn't as busy as I expected. Anyway. Tayler left right after work. He worked until 10 and go to my house around 1.
On Sunday, in between sessions of general conference. Since all the kids are older, we didn't do Easter baskets this year. My dad usually hides them and we have to find the one that is ours. But if we find someone else's then we can't tell them where it is. This year we did that with just regular Easter Eggs. With our names on it. 6 eggs. 5 people. There was a bonus egg. Well. Tayler found my egg and kept it for himself. And when I found his- because I was following the rules- kept his in the hiding spot. Then my mom yelled at me to get his since he had mine. It was in this basket in the kitchen, hanging on the wall. I was trying so hard to keep him away from his egg that I ripped the basket off the wall and was scrambling to grab it. Haha. It was funny.
Then we watched the second half of General Conference. And this one about mothers (Elder Bradley D. Foster) about stabbed my heart. At least one quote did, "As President Joseph F. Smith said, 'The love of a true mother comes nearer to being like the love of God then any other kind of love.'"
I know I'm not a perfect mother. I placed my first child for adoption. That power that was given to me to place her, was God's love. I loved my daughter enough to give her what she deserved. A mother and a father who love her as much as I do, and as much as God does.
I don't even know how to begin or to explain how I'm feeling. I've had people ask, "How're you a mom when you place your baby for adoption?" You're right, I'm not a mom. I wasn't placing to give away my responsibilities as a mother. I was being the best mom I could be, by loving her enough. There wasn't anyway that I could've placed without God's help and my own family's help. There love shown to me is the love that they shown to my daughter. And this love could not have been more true without God's love.
I'm definitely grateful that one day I'll be a mother again. And I'll actually be able to say it and shout it from the rooftops. But today, isn't that day. Today, I watch my daughter be raised by Dustinn and Val to be her father and mother. It doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt to hear about being a mother when not only placing my own daughter, I also gave that title of being her mother to someone else. It's a sacrifice that I was willing to take upon myself for the love that I have for Olivia. Any parent would do the same for their child because they love them enough. At least I would hope. You would sacrifice your well-being, your happiness, your entire soul for your child to be happy, to be be and feel loved by so many. If you don't, I know I did. And I know I would for my future children because I know what it's like to lose a child and hope that that child grows up knowing what you did for them was out of love. I continue to love Olivia everyday. It's hard to explain. Maybe because I don't have her with me everyday, I'm not sacrificing every minute of my life providing for her or being with her but I want her to know that single sacrifice didn't stop me from loving her. I gave up everything for her happiness. She was my life, my world, my best friend. To lose that best friend that was next to me every night and near my heart, it's tough.
I'm grateful for her and what she has taught me. She has taught me what it takes to be a mom and hope someday be an awesome one to future children that I will raise and call my own. Olivia will always be my daughter to me, but I'll always be her birth mom.
I'm grateful that General Conference was on Easter weekend. So many stories about the Lord's sacrifice for us. Only made it that much more real how powerful the Atonement is. And how much it has changed my life for the better. I'm grateful for that.