My mom wrote her side of the story while I was going through my pregnancy and after placement. You can read that here. Be prepared. You're going to need some tissues. <3 My mom is SO wonderful. I know growing up I used to think, "I never want to be like my mom." Well, I've grown up and I've changed and I hope with all of my heart that I'm just like her. My mom has always been there for me, through the good and the bad times. She's my best friend and I can tell her anything and everything. I love my mommy :)
Today, is a very special day for some very special people in my life. Well, two years ago yesterday, I went into an ultrasound to figure out what gender my baby was going to be. I was nervously awaiting the news. I was in the waiting room with my mom, my sister Kat, and N (the birthfather). The night before THAT, I had all the anxiety in the world. I had all these what if's run through my mind. What if this wasn't real? What if I'm having a hysterical pregnancy and I'm just getting fat (haha)? What if D & V find out that I'm going to place with them (I really wanted it to be a surprise)? What if they don't accept me or my baby?
That day was a very peaceful day for me. I was laying down in the chair and before the ultrasound started. We went around the room to say what we thought the gender was. In the beginning of my pregnancy, I really wanted a boy. Only because I come from a house full of girls and my sister was also pregnant at the time and she just found out she had a boy. So I was pretty dead set on it. And then last minute, I changed my mind. It was like I KNEW I was going to have a girl. N said, boy. My mom and sister said girl.
My what if's faded away as I saw my little GIRL dancing on the screen. A girl. A daughter for D&V. My heart didn't hurt the way I thought it would. My heart knew what it was going to be and who she was meant to be with. There's no way to explain my emotions that day. Me and my sister hurried to Wal*Mart to grab all the girlie things we could find to send in an overnight package to Virginia.
Then it was the waiting game. I waited all the next day for it to arrive. I'm pretty sure I checked the tracking number and I knew it was there because someone had signed it. And I was hoping that they were going to call me before I went into work before 5. But I still hadn't heard anything. I checked my phone and I had a missed call. I hurried to the bathroom to call them back and tell them I wasn't ignoring them and that I was just at work and I was going to have to call them back later.
My heart was pounding until I got off work. I called them and they picked up on the second ring. Their voices seemed so nervous to be excited over the phone. I wanted confirmation right away if they were planning on being my little girl's parents. They yelled, "YES! Of course, we would LOVE to!" V wanted to wait and open it until D came home from work because it had his name on it too.
Here's the day that I blogged about this very loving experience. These two days are the days that I keep in my heart forever. Kind of lucky that this year they both landed on Birth Mother's Day and Mother's Day. :)
I read this AWESOME article that Mrs. R posted on Facebook. You can read the article here. But this quote is what I needed to read,
I’ll never say “Happy Birthmother’s Day” to anyone, because that’s not what it is for me. But I will wish birthmothers everywhere — whether they acknowledge today or not — peace for this weekend. It’s a hard weekend and it involves a realization of that loss whether you stand with others or not. You are all in my heart.
I needed this peace today. Today, I think about my mom. I think about the women who have for years (or still) grieve about Mother's day and hope they find their peace. I think about the women who have waited for years to face Mother's day with their miracle baby. I think about V and the wonderful mother she is to Olivia and the example she is not in just Olivia's life but in my life. When choosing a family, I knew I wanted to pick the perfect example of a mother that I wanted to be. I wanted to pick a perfect father figure the way I want my husband to be. I think I found the perfect family. Mrs. R just has a way with words. I love what she believes the way Mother's Day should be celebrated, read it here.
"I pray I never forget that I became a mother through the broken heart of another. Today [tomorrow] my motherhood will be celebrated but yesterday [today] I chose to honor the mother whose ultimate sacrifice makes my today [tomorrow] possible." - Jill Catlet
The [brackets] are what the real quote is but I'm applying it for today.
For birthmother's day: I got a super cute picture message of Olivia and a very sugary, sweet text from the A-fam. love them dearly. I got up at like 9 in the morning. Then we went out to lunch. Got my mom her Mother's day gift. I'm lucky to have all of these fabulous people in my life.
I love this article too, On Mother's Day, Honor Moms Who Chose Adoption Over Abortion.
I hope you all have a wonderful Mother's day and celebrate in your own special way. Either celebrating yourself being a first time mom (or a mother again), honoring your mom, remembering the child you have lost, honoring yourself (or friend or relative) and the selfless sacrifice you made for the child you have placed or celebrating that you gave the gift of motherhood to a special woman in your life.