The End Of The Year

2010 is coming to an end. It's been a bittersweet year for me. I've found love and lost loved ones. I have high hopes for 2011.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?:   

Lost my best friend Jessica (6/9/1992-3/8/2010)

Graduated from Dental Assisting School in May.

Celebrated Olivia's first birthday. (9/23)

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?:  
Get a dental assisting job. Resolution for next year.
Get out of debt. Working on it.
Save money. We've been pretty good with it.


Haha. Clearly. I need to work on this.


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?:  
My sister gave birth to my niece in May :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?: 

My best friend, Jessica Harris in March.

5. What countries did you visit?: 
Just America.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?:  
An infant ;)


7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?:  
March 8, 2010. The day my best friend passed away.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?:  
Graduating from Dental Assisting School.
Becoming an Assistant Manager at my job.

9. What was your biggest failure?:  
Not being able to find a dental assisting job this year.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?: 
Not that I'm aware of.
I'm sure I've had some 24 hour stuff.

11. What was the best thing you bought?: 
Hm.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?: 
D and V for being wonderful parents and helping me when I needed it.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled?: 
Um.

14. Where did most of your money go?:  

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?  
My visits with Olivia.
Her first birthday.
Jazz tickets. :)

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?: Love The Way You Lie by Eminem

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?: Happier
ii. thinner or fatter?: Most def thinner.
iii. richer or poorer?: Richer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?: 
Been more forgiving
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?: 
Procrastinating
Holding grudges
20. How will you be spending Christmas?: 
I spent Christmas with my family and my sister who visited from Oregon.
21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2010?:  
I can't think of really anything embarrassing. I don't get embarrassed much.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?: 
Oh yes.  I love Olivia everyday.

23. How many one-night stands?: 
ZERO. Thanks.

24. What was your favorite TV program?: 
Gossip Girl, Glee, 16&Pregnant, Teen Mom, American Idol

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?:  
No hatred.
26. What was the best book you read?: 
The Hunger Games Series. I have mixed feelings for Mocking GAY (Mocking Jay)
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?: 

Taylor Swift's new album Speak Now

Lee Dewyze

Ingrid Michaelson

Tyler Ward

Hedley

28. What did you want and get?: 
Computer
Droid


29. What did you want and not get?: 
My New Year's Resolution
30. What was your favorite film of this year?:  

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: 
Turned 20.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: 
Having someone become my best friend and share everything with him and have him be able to help me get through the tough times with just a hug. And shows me that love can last forever with each other. :) And getting to spend the rest of my life with this best friend by my side means everything to me.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?: 
Trendy yet affordable.
34. What kept you sane?: 
Parents, Sisters, Blogging, Husband, Friends

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?:  

Taylor Swift

Blake Lively
36. What political issue stirred you the most?: 
Abortion

37. Who did you miss?: 
Olivia and Jessica 

38. Who was the best new person you met?: 
Oh gosh. I've met so many fabulous people. I can't think of the best one :)


39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010: 
Never hold a grudge. Forgive when you have the chance. Don't say tomorrow because tomorrow may never come for some. The people you thought would never disappoint you, will. Someone will let you down. But it's always that someone that will get you right back up again. There will people that you will meet that you can never forget, even if they leave you. But even if the times change, the people who really matter will stay in your life forever.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Firework by Katy Perry (Tyler Ward/ Alex Goot Acoustic)


You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

New Years Resolutions:

Get a Dental Assisting Job

That's all I got for now.

Tell me some of your resolutions :)

I hope you have a wonderful end of the 2010 and learn what you needed to this year. If not, you always have next year :) I hope you have wonderful start of the new years. YAY 2011!

He Gives Flowers To Everyone

So this post might be sort of creeptastic if the person that I copied this story from happened to stumble upon it. It really struck me and I loved the story. I'll add my own notes at the end. But this story touched my heart. And I hope this person doesn't mind that I used it. I was just doing what I do best, blog stalking, and found this treasure.

"I was working (In pediatrics) and that day in particular was REALLY hard. I had been busy all day, on my feet, stressed and tired. My shift seemed like it would last an eternity! FINALLY six p.m. came around and it was time for me to head home. I was so tired and grumpy walking away from work. But when I walked to the security desk I noticed these BEAUTIFUL flowers! They were in a really cute tin can looking thing; they were the best flowers I had ever seen! I commented to the person sitting at the desk how beautiful they were, and how good they smelt! She told me I could have them, so I took them! I was so happy! Suddenly my horrible day was brightened, I thought to myself that surely the Lord wanted ME to have those flowers!

Walking out of the hospital to my husband’s car, I was sort of stuck behind someone. This woman in a wheel chair was taking FOREVER! I grew very impatient with her, she was in the middle of the door to go outside. (I know that sounds really mean of me, but its exactly what I was thinking) When I finally got close enough to pass her I realized that she smelt bad too! “EW” I thought (not that I smelt that much better, a day with sick children) She looked like she hadn’t taken a shower in weeks! I was so bothered by her! Finally I was able to pass her. As I did she lifted up her head and said “Oh.. What beautiful flowers” and as I was walking away in a hurry I said “Thanks!” I could see my husband sitting in the car and was excited to tell him about my flowers.

Suddenly, I felt in my heart that I should give her the flowers. I felt the Holy Ghost tell me that the woman really needed those flowers more than me. I was enraged! I was angry! I thought that the Lord was giving ME those flowers because I had had a BAD day, why did she deserve them -I thought! I was getting closer to the door when I felt that feeling again.

Finally after having an internal struggle, I turned around and offered the woman the flowers. I didn’t know her name, I didn’t ask it, I just turned around and said “Do you want these flowers?” I was secretly hoping she would say no. To my dismay she said “Oh yes! I would really love them, they are beautiful!” so I handed them to her, my heart sinking. When I turned around to leave I noticed tears running down her face.

She told me about how she lived in the rest home across the street. She sobbed even more telling me that none of her children had come to see her in over a year, not even called her. She told me how depressed she had been, she didn’t want to live anymore. For weeks she had been praying for a sign from the Lord, that he cared. That he loved her. I watched as this elderly woman cried and sobbed, it broke my heart. She said “ These flowers are the answer to my prayers, I know it. You are an angel sent from God, you have such a good heart to give me these flowers. I know now that God loves me, because he sent me these beautiful flowers, through a complete stranger. He knew that no one I knew would give me flowers, so he sent them through you, an angel”

My heart broke into a thousand pieces. Here I was today, so selfish, careless. Here this woman was needing a loving word, and I didn’t even want to talk to her, nor even ask her how she was doing. I was no angel, just a BIG brat. As I walked to the car I was crying so hard I could barely see, I was so blurry. When I got to the car, my husband asked why I had given those flowers away, and I told him the story. Relieved and confused he said “ I sent you flowers to work today, roses, I felt like you needed them today, I was worried you gave the flowers I had given you away… but if those aren’t the flowers that I gave you, where are they?”

It turned out that the floral shop forgot to deliver the roses to me at work; we drove over to the floral shop. My husband went inside, and came out with a beautiful bouquet of roses. Purple, Pink, red and white roses. They were far more beautiful than the roses I had given to the elderly woman.

I couldn’t help but cry more. I didn’t want to give the woman the flowers I had earlier. I couldn’t believe the Lord was asking me to give MY flowers up. I couldn’t believe what a grand lesson I learned that day. The lord asked me to give up the flowers that I had, but he had a far BETTER bouquet of flowers waiting for me. He made it up to me. He never asked me to give them up, just trade them for better ones. Still when I think of this story it makes me cry a little.

The Lord’s love for His children amazes me. Here was this elderly woman, a woman I didn’t even care for, and apparently no one else. But yet, to show he cared, he sent her flowers. What a beautiful gift to give someone in need. He gave me BETTER flowers later, from a loving husband."

I tossed and turned the night that I read this story. Something about it tugged at my heartstrings. And you know me, I will probably relate this to adoption. So that's what I'm going to do.

Being the girl in the story could be a birthmom.
Flowers represent a baby.
Elderly woman as an adoptive family (sorry, I don't think you all stink and don't shower for weeks. haha!)

I'll just sort of break it down and use my own words.

I was just going about my normal life while pregnant and this day in particular was REALLY hard. I had been busy all day, on my feet, stressed and tired. This day seemed like it would last an eternity! FINALLY six it came around time for me to say my prayers. I was so tired and grumpy. I walked by the mirror and say my belly and thought it was the cutest belly I had ever seen and looking at ultrasound pictures, I knew it was going to be the cutest baby I'd ever seen. I prayed and said how beautiful she was, and how healthy she was going to be! The answer I recieved, I could have her. I was so happy! Suddenly my horrible day was brightened, I thought to myself that surely the Lord wanted ME to have this baby!

Walking out of the hospital to my car with my new baby girl, I was sort of stuck behind someone. This woman was taking FOREVER! I grew very impatient with her, she was in the middle of the door to go outside. (I know that sounds really mean of me, but its exactly what I was thinking) I was so bothered by her! Finally, I was able to pass her. As I did she lifted up her head and said “Oh.. What a beautiful baby” and as I was walking away in a hurry I said “Thanks!” I could see my car and I was excited to bring my new bundle of joy home.

Suddenly, I felt in my heart that I should give her my baby girl. I felt the Holy Ghost tell me that the woman really needed this baby more than me. I was enraged! I was angry! I thought that the Lord was giving ME this baby because I had her, why did she deserve her -I thought! I was getting closer to the car door when I felt that feeling again.

Finally after having an internal struggle, I turned around and offered the woman my baby girl. I didn’t know her name, I didn’t ask it, I just turned around and said “Would you like to be the parent of my daughter?” I was secretly hoping she would say no. To my dismay she said “Oh yes! I would really love her, she is beautiful!” so I placed my daughter in her arms, my heart sinking. When I turned around to leave I noticed tears running down her face.

She told me about how she lived in a lovely home not far from here. She sobbed even more telling me that she was in the hospital just to find out that she couldn't have any children of her own, and she has been trying for over a year. She told me how depressed she had been, she didn’t want to live anymore. For weeks, she had been praying for a sign from the Lord, that He cared, that He loved her or in someway would let her be pregnant or bring a child into her life. I watched as this woman cried and sobbed, it broke my heart. She said “This baby is the answer to my prayers, I know it. You are an angel sent from God, you have such a good heart to give me this little girl. I know now that God loves me, because He sent this beautiful daughter, through a complete stranger. He knew that I couldn't have my own children, and he would find a way to give me this baby, so He sent them through you, an angel”

My heart broke into a thousand pieces. Here I was today, so selfish, careless. Here this woman was needing a loving word, and I didn’t even want to talk to her, nor even ask her how she was doing. I was no angel, just a BIG brat. As I walked to the car I was crying so hard I could barely see, I was so blurry.

Years down the road, my husband asked me why I had given my baby away, and I told him the story. Relieved and confused he said  “I want to give you a baby, I feel like you need one. I was worried you gave our baby away… but if that isn't the baby that I'm going to give you, where is he or she?”

We prayed, and it turned out that the baby that was ours was waiting for us to joing our family. My husband went in the hospital and came out with the ultrasound of OUR baby. The one HE gave me. This baby was far more beautiful than the one (even though she is pretty beautiful to begin with) I had given to this woman.

I couldn’t help but cry more. I didn’t want to give the woman this baby, I had earlier. I couldn’t believe the Lord was asking me to place MY baby with her. I couldn’t believe what a grand lesson I learned that day. The Lord asked me to place the baby that I had, but He had a far BETTER plan and a beautiful baby waiting for me. He made it up to me. He asked me for my sacrifice but to reap the rewards later. Still when I think of this story it makes me cry a little.

The Lord’s love for His children amazes me. Here was this woman, a woman I didn’t even know. But yet, to show He cared, He sent her my baby. What a beautiful gift to give someone in need. He gave me a baby later, from a loving husband.

That's what I thought about this story. That nothing is random. Everything happens for a reason. And everyone deserves beautiful flowers (either from a complete stranger or somebody you know personally). It doesn't mean that is has to be a baby. It could be something that you really need right now at this time. I know I'm so very grateful to know that someday my husband will give me a beautiful baby that is waiting to join our family. Like the way that D and V waited to have a baby join their family, even if they couldn't give themselves the flowers they were able to recieve flowers from someone else. And I know that even if the wait hurts and it sucks. It'll be completely worth it in the end.

Happy Holidays Y'all.

Stefanie's Family Traditions:
Christmas Eve Family Devotional. As children we re-enacted Christ's birth and read from Luke 2. Since we're older. We just read and sing the hymns. We also have matching PJ's from my parents. We usually do a secret sister exchange but we didn't do one this year. We slacked a little.


Tell me about your family traditions! :)

For those of you who have lost a loved one recently or you have a lonely Christmas this year. From adoptive parents that this is another year without a baby. Or to birth mother's who haven't seen their babies since birth or their baby isn't in their home (however you feel this year). I'm thinking about all of you.

I'm so grateful for Christ's birth. The sacrifices that Mary made to bring Him into this world and the love that she has for Him. And the sacrifices that were made for all of us. I was telling Tayler the other day, that we do remember Christ as a baby and that's how most birth moms remember their birth children as well. Not as a 1 year old, 5 year old, 9 year old, 15 year old, 20 year old, etc. We think of them as babies.

I read this poem the other day. And I really liked it a lot. I hope you also enjoy it. The holidays can be especially hard. Just because everyone is with their family. And you just wish you could be included with that with your baby as your "family." For me, personally, I don't feel that way. I haven't really had a hard Christmas this year, which I'm grateful for. I know that Olivia is with her family and that someday, I'll be able to have my very own Christmas with my children as a family. :)

A Birthmother's Christmas

by Shonna K.

It was the night before Christmas

and all through the world

Birthmothers were praying

for their precious boys and girls.

One certain Birthmother

Was trying not to mourn

For this Christmas was the first

Since her baby had been born

Knowing her decision

Was one for the best

She lights a candle in memory

Then sits down to rest.

The wick of the candle

flickers with light

The wind outside is howling

She finds little comfort on this lonely night

For this is the first of many

She will feel this great loss

For her child reaps the benefit,

She simply pays the cost

She takes out an album

And gently dusts off the cover

It is all she has left

To feel like a mother.

She treasures each photo

of her little one

They are her only ties

To her precious son.

Silently a tear

Slips down her cheek

She wipes it away quickly

So she doesn't appear weak.

Christmas will never

be the same again

She will always be thinking

of her little man.

She knows through her pain

For him this was right

But her unselfless deed

Gives little comfort that night.

Her arms are still empty

Her heart is still breaking

He is with somebody else

And she is left aching.

Her heart sits on each page

Of that dusty book

In his eyes, his little face

The way that he looks.

The clock strikes midnight

It is officially Christmas morn

The first that he's had

Since the day he was born

She can't hide her pain

She can't hide her tears

This is the first of many

Long, painful years

But the light that she sees

At the end of all this

Is the smile on his face

He is truly blessed

With that thought

She slowly readies for bed

To sleep all night

Dreams of him in her head

She slowly lays down

And heads off to sleep

Knowing his memory

She will always keep.

We wish you all Happy Holidays and a Happy New Years. Lots of Love!

Tayler & Stefanie

Importance of Fathers

I'm taking a break from cleaning the apartment. My MIL is coming into town and is wanting to stay with us. She will be here in like 5 hours. So I'm pretty sure I have a good amount of time to write something really quick.

Yesterday, I went with my older sister Erika and her friend Jeana and her sister to see the Motab and David Archuleta do a little Christmas program.

Fun fact. I met David Archuleta a few days after American Idol.

Anyway. We took Trax. And we met this guy. He was talking to us about how he went to high school with David Archuleta. He was funny. He went to Iraq when he was 17 or 18. He was like, "He made millions and I got shot. Awesome."

He was telling us that he got married in Vegas. That they were going to have a temple marriage but he had to leave in like 4 or 5 months to be deployed. They got married and before he left his wife got pregnant. And they were expecting twins. He was deployed 4 months later. And he had been out in Iraq for 4 1/2 years. He has only seen pictures and talked to his kids on the phone. He was surprising his wife that he hadn't even seen in 4 years! And the kids that he had never met! I couldn't even imagine!!

When we got home from my parents and talking to my sister until like 1 in the morning. I told him that that comment hit home to me. Because that's EXACTLY how I felt. I had never been able to express it in words to him until he was able to understand it himself. To put himself in that guys shoes to see that. Yes, I miss Olivia. I do. I missed out on a lot of things. I missed out on a little newborn and her growing up. Of course, having another baby won't mean that it will replace the child that I never got to take care of or watch grow up before my eyes. But it's just the thought of having my own baby to hold and to raise and to love.

Teen Pregnancy Rant

Most of you may not consider me in the statics as a "pregnant teen" because I got pregnant after high school. Which is fine. I'm not offended. I get a lot that I look or seem older. PSH. But the innocence of my youth was gone way before I even got pregnant. I was one of those "troubled teens." I refer to myself as double T, oft. I did two high school presentations yesterday at WL High School. I was speaking to the kids who I probably went to school with their brothers and sisters. I love talking to high schools. It's only been a few years since I've to high school. But I remember how hard it was. To try to "fit in." Being considered as, "the outcast." "The stoner." "The slut." Whatever you want to call it. Everyone was put into their own clique. After Teen Mom, there was a TV show called If You Really Knew Me. While watching it, it just reminds me of the talk below that I will quote,  To some, our trials may not seem great, but to each of us who are passing through these experiences, the trials are real and require us to humble ourselves before God and learn from Him. 

I always feel like when I teach I should do a "If You Really Knew Me" segment. The story about the adoption and Olivia is only the end of my whole experience. I think a part of me while growing up, was wanting to BE a grown up. I feel like I'm 28 and should have children. But I'm 20. I know I still have a whole life to experience with my husband. I still know that even though what I've experienced doesn't define me. It changed me. It helped me grow spiritually, mentally and helped me become a better person for myself.

Doing a high school presentation just emotionally drains you. I didn't cry. But I see these kids and I really hope what I do helps them or helps someone change their lives. Help at least one person to realize that bringing a baby home with their significant other is what needs to happen.


This is what my rant will sort of be about. I went to the LDS Family Services Christmas Party. Which was a blasty-blast. I sat at a table and we got on the topic of teen pregnancy. It was a mixed table of birthmoms and adoptive moms. Which was pretty cool. One lady, just cracked me up. But what she said made me really think and get me angry.


This may only be happening in Utah County (at some stores) or it could be happening in other county's (counties? counteeeeees??) and states. She went to the pharmacy in the store and saw that the condoms were locked up. It may be because kids are stealing them.


Or it may be that parents believe if condoms are out in the aisle that kids are going to want to have sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Since when does condoms have this magical power to make any teenage boy or girl want to have sex? Really? The last time I checked, it was because of HORMONES. We all got them. Teens are always going to be curious about sex because it's all they hear in the halls. 


I know that parents would like to believe that their kids are good and would never do anything like that. Um, I'll say it. *raising my hand hereeeee* I never thought I was going to get pregnant out of wedlock. "It would never happen to me." Right? I'd like to give myself every reason to believe that my children wouldn't do it.

I'm a nerd at heart. This CRACKED me up.

Would you rather have your kids be protected from STD's and an unplanned pregnant? Or would you rather have your kid tell you that they need to be tested? Or need to tell you that you're going to be a grandparent? I know that abstinence is taught. That should be the emphasis. But if you're refusing to teach your children the importance of being safe, that's on you. That's on you for not educating your children. I know I will teach my kids that abstinence is the way to go. I was telling Tayler the other night, I know it may not be a good thing because I don't know how my kids will react growing up about it. But letting them know that they do have a biological half sister that I placed for adoption. Maybe that will partially be motivation that they will want all of their kids to have their brothers and sisters with them. It wasn't what I planned. But I'm not trying to punish myself or my future children for what was unplanned. I was giving their sister a better life then I could've then. And I waited for them to give them everything, too. But my children will always know about ways to protect themselves if it does happen. I can't stop it. As much as I wish they wouldn't do it. I'd rather keep them safe.

I know that's probably how most parents feel. They just want to keep them "innocent." High school has already tainted them. Get over it. They're going to grow up. Sounds harsh. But it's the truth. Listen, you'd rather be embarrassed that somebody in your church saw your son or daughter walk around with a box of condoms in their hand or rather be embarrassed that EVERYONE sees your daughter walking around pregnant or your son pushing a baby in a stroller? I literally high five every teenager I see walking around with condoms. I at least know they're being safe.


This is the ridiculous part of it. Teens WILL be embarrassed about it. They know it's not something they should be doing. So to walk up to the pharmacist, who could possibly be their neighbor or church  member, and ask them for a box of condoms? No teenager would risk doing that just so they could call their  mom and let them know what their kid bought today at the store. So instead, they'll go mess around with their boyfriend/girlfriend without it. Now, your child will be coming to you in about a month letting you know they're with child. Congrats, grandma.


Another thing, no one wants to go to the cashier with a box of condoms. So they want to go through the self check out and by the way if you do that. The door will BEEP when you leave. The guy has to check your bag and your ID. You can't buy condoms if you're under 18 if you go through the self check out. Just to let you know. But that's the WHOLE point of doing it right?? To make sure know one else but you knows?

 I did what Joniece did when she spoke at a middle school. I just wanted to see the effect that it had. I had them raise their hands and I asked them if any of them were in a relationship. I told the girls to just think about this because I didn't want them to be judged if they have done it or not. If they have participated in any sexual activity or sexting because a boy said I love you. Or "We should do it because I love you." And then I had the boys raise their hands if they were or are currently in a relationship if they were 100% the girl that they were with right now is the girl they want to marry and spend the rest of their lives with. both classes, NONE of the boys raised their hands. I asked, "Are you sure? Really? None of you? So... if you know you can't marry your girlfriend or girls, if you know the boys aren't 100% sure they want to stay with you. What makes you think you're ready for a baby right now? Sex isn't going to make him love you and a baby isn't going to make him stay."


More than once I was told that I should do something because they love me. Being a giddy high school girl who wants nothing more to be loved, I believed it. I fell for it more than once. You'd think that I'd learn the first time but I'm hopeful. I'm optimistic about love. What high school girl isn't? What girl doesn't want to hear that they're perfect? That someone understands them in this crazy messed up life? 


Parents, it has nothing to do with your teaching methods if your children "mess up."  I remember reading somewhere that you can teach them and the teachings of Jesus Christ and what He wants you to do. You are accountable for your children but ultimately it's THEIR decisions. If you taught all you could and they turned out that way. It's not your fault. You can only be a parent and teach them the right things and let them learn themselves. Even though as much as it would hurt you. You just need to support them even if you don't agree with it, no matter how badly it hurts you. It will all catch up to them. Just pray. I was one of those teens. I didn't listen. I did what I wanted. My life changed. It may not have been easy. I don't want anyone else to have to endure it. But I know it doesn't stop with me. I just hope being a voice will hopefully reduce it. You can't do everything on your own. It will catch up to them like it did for me. They might not have to endure the exact same thing but they will eventually have a change of heart. Don't lose hope.

T Swifty, "Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep? Before the monsters caught up to you?"

Because You Had A Bad Day

Oh, Daniel Powter helps me come up with the best titles for my blog. ;) Well, yesterday, just wasn't a great day for me. I don't know why. Well.... I do. I just feel like I talk about it all the time. I know that I've already posted something about being baby hungry. I got my answer not to have babies now, yadda, yadda. I went to group on Thursday and I'm definitely not the only one that feels that way. And I had a break down that night just LOOKING at pictures of people's babies. I was like, this is getting WAY out of hand. And then at work yesterday, I just was in a crying mood. And BAM. Right in front of a customer I just broke down. I told them, "Sorryyyyy. I'm not usually like this." The guy was really nice to me. But I didn't understand feeling this miserable. I got my answer. I know I'm supposed to wait. Now these desires and feelings are taking over at my JOB?! Of ALL places. Can I PLEASE just get a break from life for just a second?

My friend who was also a guest blogger on here has recently started a blog. And she talked about the same thing. And I think she did a really great job. A LOT better than I did. Click me.

By the end of my shift. I was ready to sit down and relax. To have a nice cup of hot chocolate and maybe get a rare foot rub from the husb. But he did something SO MUCH more greater than a foot rub for me. I got home early from work and I was surprised because he was supposed to be off at 8. And I got home around 8:30. I didn't understand.
I called him and I asked, "Are you at home?"
He said, "No. I'm still at work I'm just at the checkout line. I needed to grab some stuff."
I said, "Oh. Okay. I'm home now."
He says, "Wait, you're home... NOW?!"
Me: "Well, yeah. I'm home early."
Him: "You're not supposed to be home yet."
Me: "I am... Do you want me to leave or something?"
Him: "No. It's fine."

I waited patiently. He walked in the room and I'm on the computer. And he hands me a card. A super cute/cheesy Hallmark card. And he also wrote, "I love you so much. I hope you love me too... and your new camera."

I turn around (because he's standing behind me). And he has in his hands my new camera with two little bows on it. I oooooooooed and awwwwwwwwwwed. And then I gave him an early Christmas present- Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit. Yes, we're the spoilers of Christmas.

It's a Canon PowerShot SX210 IS 14.1 Megapixels 14x wide zoom. It's a pretty stellar.

And we took some pictures.

(I tried everything to flipt his picture. It's flipped right on my computer.)

I got my foot rub.

And some chocolate.

 And snuggled with some kitten loves (Which by the way. We have decided to keep her. We were planning on giving her away to someone. But we're attached. And I need something to fill the void of wanting a small infant.) LOLOLOLOLOLOLLL @ the picture below.

It was also a good day because I heard Taylor Swift's Back to December is on the radio. Bad day vetoed. I vote YES. My husband is fantastic. And now all I need to do is pray for patience at this point. And I think my prayer was answered... today, as a matter of fact. I will either post something next week or two weeks from now about it. It's nothing too spectacular. It just means we're one step closer to the future. :)

(This frame is the beginning of our home-y project. We're putting up some shelves and picture frames. I know, after being 3 months of being marrieds were finally decorating! Don't worry. Pictures will be taken ASAP and of my apartment.)

As coming to an end to this post. I will finish with this little article I found on LDS.org. It's interesting it's definitely what I needed to read today and it ties right along with this post. I think this goes for anyone facing a trial in their life right now. It gave me some awesome chillsies.

All Things Work Together for Good By Elder James B. Martino

Of the Seventy
James B. Martino, "All Things Work Together for Good", Ensign, May 2010, 101–3
We may never know in this life why we face what we do, but we can feel confident that we can grow from the experience.


When I was young I looked forward to the spring of the year. As the weather warmed, I was ready for baseball to begin. Like most young boys, I would wish that I could become a great baseball player. I am reminded of a story about a very young boy with similar dreams. With the desire to become the next mighty ballplayer, he decided to go outside and practice. He held the baseball in one hand and the bat in the other, and he threw the ball into the air. With a wish to hit the ball as far as he could, he took a great swing, but the ball fell to the ground without even touching the wood of the bat. Not to be denied, he went at it again. As he was about to throw the ball in the air, his determination grew as the thought of a powerful hit came into his mind. But alas, the results were the same. The ball lay on the ground. But as any good ballplayer knows, you have three strikes before you are out. He concentrated even more, threw the ball in the air, and gave the mightiest swing he had ever attempted. As the ball again fell to the ground, the tears began to swell in his eyes. Then all of a sudden a great smile appeared, and he said, “What a pitcher!”

Each of us will face trials and tests, and as in this simplistic example, it is how we react to those difficulties that will determine our success and happiness. Each of us will face adversity no matter where we are. We are taught in the scriptures that there “must needs be … an opposition in all things.” We will each face times of difficulty, and the question is not when we will face them but how we face them.
The Apostle Paul taught an interesting lesson only a few years before the Saints in Rome were to face some of the most violent persecution of any Christian era. Paul reminded the Saints that “all things work together for good to them that love God.” Our Heavenly Father, who loves us completely and perfectly, permits us to have experiences that will allow us to develop the traits and attributes we need to become more and more Christlike. Our trials come in many forms, but each will allow us to become more like the Savior as we learn to recognize the good that comes from each experience. As we understand this doctrine, we gain greater assurance of our Father’s love. We may never know in this life why we face what we do, but we can feel confident that we can grow from the experience.
Now, I realize that it is much easier to look back when a trial is over and see what we have learned from our experience, but the challenge is to gain that eternal perspective while we are going through our tests. To some, our trials may not seem great, but to each of us who are passing through these experiences, the trials are real and require us to humble ourselves before God and learn from Him.

On this Easter Sunday, we remember the life of our Savior. It is He whom we desire to emulate in all of our actions. May I mention five things that we can learn from those last hours of the Savior’s life on earth that can help us to face our own trials.

First, He sought not to do His will but only the will of His Father. He remained committed to His sacred mission even through the trial. As He fell to His face in the Garden of Gethsemane, He asked, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” Sometimes we pass through pain and sorrow that we might grow and be prepared for potential trials in the future. I ask a question to you mothers: “Would you ever do something that would cause pain and bring tears to your children when they have done nothing wrong?” Of course you would! When mothers take young children to the doctor to receive immunizations, almost every child leaves the doctor’s office in tears. Why do you do that? Because you know that a small amount of pain now will protect them from possible pain and suffering in the future. Our Father in Heaven knows the end from the beginning. We need to follow the example of the Savior and trust in Him.

Second, when we are faced with trials, we must learn to not complain or murmur. Nephi, after a great vision of the Savior’s atoning sacrifice, told us: “Wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men.” We must always attempt to correct the problem and overcome the trial, but instead of asking “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” maybe the question should be “What am I to do? What can I learn from this experience? What am I to change?”

Several years ago while my wife and I were serving in Venezuela, our youngest son left the comfort of his high school to join with us. He did not complain, but it was obvious that he struggled as he went to this country where everything was new to him; but in an amazing turn of events, the experience went from one of trial to a huge blessing in his life. He accomplished this by changing his own attitude and developing a determination to succeed. 

Third, when we face our challenges, we must seek greater help from God. Even the Savior of us all found a need to pray “more earnestly” as He was in the Garden of Gethsemane. We can learn to gain great faith if we do this. We must remember that often the answers from our Heavenly Father do not remove the trial from us, but instead He helps strengthen us as we pass through the experience. As He did for the followers of Alma, the Lord can “ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs.” In our trials, let us not become bitter or uncommitted, but let us follow the Savior’s example of becoming more earnest, more sincere, and more faithful.
Fourth, learn to serve and think of others even in our times of trial. Christ was the epitome of service. His life was filled with examples of helping and serving others, and His greatest gift of all was what He did for us. As He said, “For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent.” We must repent and then follow His example of service. When we serve others, we forget our own problems, and by working to relieve the pain or discomfort of others, we strengthen ourselves.

In our last general conference, our beloved prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, stated: “I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives. Those who live only for themselves eventually shrivel up and figuratively lose their lives, while those who lose themselves in service to others grow and flourish—and in effect save their lives.”

Fifth, forgive others and do not seek to pass the blame of our situation to them. Sometimes we like to say, “If they had not done this, then I would not have reacted the way I did.” There is a tendency for the natural man to pass blame to someone else so as not to be accountable for his or her own actions. The Savior looked at those who had nailed Him to the cross and pled with His Father in Heaven to “forgive them; for they know not what they do.” Can we not be more forgiving?

As we pass through the trials of life, let us keep an eternal perspective, let us not complain, let us become even more prayerful, let us serve others, and let us forgive one another. As we do this, “all things [will] work together for good to [us] that love God.” I bear a solemn and certain witness that our Father loves us and He sent His Son to show and pave the way for us. He suffered, He died, and He was resurrected that we might live, and He desires that we “might have joy,” even in our trials of life.